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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Unhappy my sexuality being called a phase - November 11th 2016, 08:18 PM

I don't know what to do. I came out to my boyfriend as bisexual and he said its just a phase. he wont accept that this is who I am and that this is me. I've been feeling pretty down lately and usually I tell him everything but since he said that I have felt like I cant tell him anything and I couldn't tell him what I really feel like because its his birthday on Wednesday and I don't want to upset him but its really bothering me and I overthink about everything and I just don't know what to do. I've been feeling suicidal and like no one actually cares and that I shouldn't tell anyone else in case they have a similar reaction to either my bf or my friends who don't think I'm being serious and wont take me seriously.
   
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Re: my sexuality being called a phase - November 12th 2016, 12:37 AM

people don't like people who are not straight. it is not that they dont take you serious it is the fact that they dont agree with it. but if you some one to talk to just pm me because i know the struggle and it suck when people don't take you serious when you are my friends didn't take me serious either when i came out as bisexual too.


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Re: my sexuality being called a phase - November 13th 2016, 09:15 PM

People who are straight aren't the problem, despite what Abby Garcia says. I am not saying that "straightness" isn't a large part of the problem, we live in a rather heteronormative society - but that affects the wider LGBTQ+ community as a whole - and to blanket all straight people as the problem here is unfair. I'll leave that there and won't pursue this particular avenue further.

However, one thing I hear about from people in general is that, regardless of other peoples sexual orientations, many people tend not to take bisexuality as seriously as they do other sexual orientations, such as being gay. This happens even from within the LGBTQ+ community. I think part of is that people assume bisexuals don't know what they want (totally incorrect) or that they worry that the playing field is wider for a bisexual (and for some reason a bisexual partner's insecurities and hang ups have to become the bisexual's burden and responsibility, which is obviously wrong). It's actually really unfortunate that bisexual people get heat even from within the LGBT community - but obviously many people (whether they're cis/het or LGBT) are knowledgeable, understanding, and know better.

In any case, I am really sorry that your boyfriend reacted like that. It was a really insensitive reaction and it was wrong for him to invalidate your sexuality.

I think the best course of action is to try to make him understand. First, let him know that him invalidating your very real sexuality is unacceptable and that, while you understand that right now, you'll try to forgive him on the grounds that he's just ignorant or threatened by it, but that he must learn to know better better if you guys are to remain in a relationship together. Under no uncertain terms should you accept him invalidating your sexuality; that must be shut down immediately and he must understand that you need your relationship with him to be a safe space where you can express your sexuality without impunity. If he can't do that, then you'll have to decide if you want to remain in a relationship where you're sexuality is being questioned and under threat.

You're totally in your right to tell him that you care about him, that you want to be in this relationship BUT he must change if that's going to continue to be the case. I hope this helps.




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Re: my sexuality being called a phase - November 14th 2016, 01:45 AM

Hey,

I'm so sorry your boyfriend didn't react well. Unfortunately, like the last answers said, bisexual people often face this type of thing, even within the LGBT+ community. I think talking to him and helping him understand that you're serious and this is a big part of your identity might help. Sometimes people don't realize how hard it can be to come to terms with being bi, but hearing you explain it could really help. Again, like the person above me said, your relationship should be a safe space, and your boyfriend should be understanding and make sure you're comfortable with him.

If you're feeling suicidal over this, you should definitely look at the Trevor Project. It's a group aimed at preventing suicide among young LGBT+ and offering support and advice. They have a help line and a bunch of other resources on the site that could be good to check out.

Feel free to message me any time if you want to talk about this (or anything else). I hope your boyfriend is more understanding, and I hope you're doing okay



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