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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Question Coming out Bisexual - December 6th 2017, 04:14 AM

I'm bisexual and I really want to tell my parents. It almost feels like I'm lying to them when I don't say something about it. I'm just really afraid because I've seen a bunch of the horrible things that can happen afterwards. Do any of you have any tips on how to tell them?
   
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Re: Coming out Bisexual - December 6th 2017, 04:23 AM

Hi,

It's great you want to come out!

I would say your safety is the best thing, so start there. Make sure you would still be safe in your own home before you come out. Some parents are accepting and some aren't unfortunately.

One option you have is telling them through a letter. This is an option if you don't want nerves or interruptions getting in the way. You can either hand it to them directly or leave it somewhere you think they will find it. They may still have questions, but this is a way to get your initial thoughts out. I'd start by saying you are bisexual and what that means in case they don't know. Maybe try to anticipate some of the questions they will have and answer them in the letter, and also say what they can do to support you.

Another option is to tell them verbally. Do this when they're in a good mood and do it in an area where there aren't distractions. You can tell them some of the points I listed above for the letter perhaps.

For either option maybe you can also print out pages or show them links about what it means to be bisexual in case you think they will need further clarification.

I hope everything goes well!

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Re: Coming out Bisexual - December 6th 2017, 07:25 AM

It's great that you've decided you're ready to come out! That's a huge step in your journey. That being said, I know how overwhelming it can be to figure out how to go about it. While coming out is a very personal journey and differs from person to person, there are definitely some common threads to consider.

There are definitely some horrible stories out there about the negative reactions parents have had to their children coming out. Don't let those stories scare you off though. Instead, think about your specific situation with your parents. Have they always been open and accepting towards members of the LGBTQ+ community or have you heard questionable or even intolerant comments come out of their mouth? The things that you've seen and heard in the past will be a pretty good indicator about whether or not it's safe for you to come out. If you're unsure, it might be wise to make sure you have a backup plan, just in case things go south. The best thing to do when it comes to your safety is to follow your gut.

If you do think it's safe to come out, that's wonderful! Moving forward, you can choose to tell them verbally or by writing it out for them. You can even do a little bit of both. It all depends on the relationship you have with your family and the method that you think will be the most effective for communicating your thoughts and feelings to them. If you choose to do it verbally, I'd recommend sitting them down when they're both in a good mood, but avoiding times like dinner, so you can ensure that you have their full attention. You can go into as much or as little detail as you'd like about your identity and the journey that you've taken to reach the point you're at now. The most important thing to remind them of is that you're happy and that it doesn't change anything else about who you are. If telling them verbally isn't something that you feel ready to do, you can also write it out in a letter for them, explaining the same points that I mentioned if you said it face to face. If you do choose to write a letter, I'd recommend letting them know that they are free to come to you with questions if they have any, but that it may take some time for you to be fully comfortable discussing things openly with them.

If you have any other questions or want help forming a concrete plan, feel free to respond to this thread or send me a PM! I truly hope it goes well. Best of luck!


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Re: Coming out Bisexual - December 12th 2017, 01:01 AM

If you're worried something bad will happen, maybe you should try and find out what their views are on it first?

Although, I know that can be incredibly difficult to do, so if that isn't an option, try coming out in a public or neutral area, maybe over a meeting or a picnic.

Hope all goes well!


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Re: Coming out Bisexual - December 12th 2017, 11:52 PM

I came out as fully gay last year - I thought my parents would really be disappointed but they already knew :|

They said they didn't care and that they'd support me. I'm sure yours will be exactly the same!
   
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Re: Coming out Bisexual - December 15th 2017, 11:38 AM

Congratulations........It takes courage and a large amount of balls to come out and tell people that...may you decision be an inspiration to others
   
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Re: Coming out Bisexual - December 16th 2017, 02:42 AM

I honestly would just say to tell them with a blank face, as though it's not a big deal at all. No emotions at all. Do make sure though that it's at a time when they're in a good mood, like maybe around dinner. They might be shocked, but if they're in a good mood, they're less likely to flip on you. If you don't want THEM to make a big deal about it, the trick is to not make a big deal about it yourself. And if they have a problem with it, remind them that there isn't anything you can do to change it.
That's basically what I did with my brothers. I told them when I turned 21 when they were both happy and drunk and they just took it like it was no big deal. Just what I wanted. (they were drunk, but it works out this way whenever I mention it)


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Re: Coming out Bisexual - Yesterday, 04:41 AM

Hi there!

Congratulations on wanting to come out! It can be such a nerve wrecking thing to do.


   
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