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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Narrative. Offline
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Labels. - January 25th 2018, 11:44 PM

As we all know, sexuality is fluid (so is gender identity, come to think of it). I thought this could be a fun thread to share the labels we've all gone by, including what we go by now. I love hearing about everyone's journeys of self-discovery, coming out, and embracing who they are, so feel free to share as much detail as you like (e.g. how you settled on each label and whether you've come out).

For me, I started off identifying as bisexual, then realised that I was only really attracted to women so I came out as a lesbian. A while after that I added asexual to my labels, although I haven't really come out to anyone about that because... well, it honestly just never occurred to me to do so, I just figured it should be obvious by my complete lack of interest in sex. I've also recently realised that I'm nonbinary, although I'm still figuring out exactly what that means for me (at the moment I also ID as genderqueer, genderfluid, and probably genderflux as well). I'm not entirely sure whether I'll keep the lesbian label, but I feel attached to it so I'm not ready to let it go for now.

So, that's where I'm at. What about all of you lovely folk?

just because it hurts to go on
doesn't mean the battle can't still be won
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Re: Labels. - January 26th 2018, 12:12 AM

I think this is a lovely little thread, thank you for creating it!

I've never had sex, still a virgin at my ripe old age. But seriously, I've never had the opportunity to have sex. I've never dated, but I've had crushes and liked people of both binary gender as in biological cis male and biological cis female. Something happened a little over five years ago, and I realize just how little I cared for the two people I had been "involved" with. Don't get me wrong, the fall-out shook me up; but I noticed how quickly I got over it.

I found this term October 2012, "asexuality" which means lack of interest in sex and not necessarily abstinence. I decided to hold on to the term but not label myself it, making better note of how I felt emotionally and physically when it came to individuals both online and offline. After about a year or year and half, I realized I was asexual and it had nothing to do with being a virgin or abstaining from sex. So I am happy to call myself an Asexual individual, but I haven't come out to anyone in real life.

I do still develop crushes, but nothing sexual. It's more emotional, intellectual, aesthetic; I would be interested in having a non-sexual relationship with someone I felt an emotional and intellectual connection with, and one that I found aesthetically pleasing. I'm sure there is a label for it, but I have no idea what it is.
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Re: Labels. - January 26th 2018, 02:56 AM

I started out thinking bisexual back in about the sixth grade. Then at some point in high school, maybe around my sophomore or junior year, I decided maybe I was a lesbian because guys weren't really my thing. But that didn't feel right either so I said maybe pansexual because I wouldn't deny dating someone because they were nonbinary. This was all through the course of either sophomore or junior year of high school until senior year.

In college I realized that I don't really want sex and eventually, I think in my freshman year, decided that asexual was the right label for me. I didn't do much in the way of romantic orientation because at that point I didn't think there was a need for me to differentiate between the two. Eventually in my sophomore or junior year I also added the "aromantic/aromantic-spectrum" type label on to my romantic orientation because I have no interest in dating, which also explains why I'd always panic when someone showed interest in me.

I also started questioning with my gender identity starting in either freshman or sophomore year of college but I decided not to bother with labels, and that's kind of still where I am at today.

Let it come and let it be...

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Re: Labels. - January 26th 2018, 03:26 AM

In 8th grade I started realizing I like girls, but was still struggling with it. I finally came to the realization when I was 18 years old that I was a lesbian, but there is like 1-2% chance I might be with a guy but never anything sexual with a guy. I will however date a MTF who hasn't had sex surgery and would be totally fine having sex with them, but in order for me to be sexually attracted to someone I have to have a really deep connection to them. I will never be a person to have one night stands. Recently I have discovered the term Demisexual and I have added that to my labels. My understanding is that Demisexual is a forum of asexual but you can have a sexual relationship but you have to have a deep connection with the person first, and have to know them really well.

I honestly have no clue if I explained myself in a way that people will understand, but I guess all that matters is that I understand it and am okay with it.

So I am a Demisexual Lesbian

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Re: Labels. - January 26th 2018, 07:52 PM

I don't know that I have ever really labeled myself?

I mean, I struggled with certain aspects of my sexuality and went back and forth between thinking maybe I was straight, bi or Lesbian. But, I don't think I ever attempted to label myself till recently.

I think there are a lot of things that factored into being able to label myself recently a lot of them being that I realized that while I am attracted to woman, to a degree, I don't have a huge desire to be with them in a sexual manner, as such I don't tend to go out of my way to date them. If I met someone and we clicked that might change though but I have never met anyone that I clicked with enough to want to pursue that type of relationship with.

Anyway, realizing that I do have an attraction to woman but the sexual aspect isn't strong helped but the other thing that helped was being able to talk to people who were bisexual and said that they do, still have a preference. For the longest time I didn't realize that you could, technically, be bisexual and have a preference...that you don't have to be attracted to both equally.

So, now, I am bisexual but I am not really out. My boyfriend knows and I have explained it to him. I did mentions something to a few friends a while ago but I haven't ever said that I am not 100% straight to anyone but my boyfriend and people online.

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Re: Labels. - January 27th 2018, 04:07 AM

I started identifying as heteroromantic demisexual in 6th and half way through 7th grade. Then I identified as heteroflexible demisexual. Then i questioned for a while before i found out i was asexual. And now as an 8th grader I identify as biromantic asexual I did identify as a demigirl for a while, but for now i identify as cis. Im not so sure tho, so that might change

Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
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Re: Labels. - January 28th 2018, 05:41 PM

For a long time I didn't even bother with labels. I had other things on mind and I never spent a thought on gender, sexuality or anything like that. I think I was about 20 when I first heard the term asexual and thought it fit me pretty well.
When I got together with my girlfriend I thought that maybe I might be demisexual but in the end I guess I am asexual. I have no clue about my romantic attraction. I would say aromantic if it wasn't for my ex.
Gender identity on the other hand... I played with the thought of being transgender as I never really identified as a girl but I dismised it since it didn't really fit. Then I tried all kinds of lables in between. For some time it was agender. Then I found genderfluid which was fine for some time but I realiced it didn't fit. So I kind of ended up at transgender again. FtM. But it still felt off. And now I'm back to agender, with a slight preference for presenting as male if that makes any sense.
I'm not out to anyone about my gender identity (except you guys and a girl I met online). I'm out as asexual to my best friend and I guess most of my friends know that I'm at least not hetero. But thats about it. I don't see any point in telling others.

It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

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Re: Labels. - February 1st 2018, 08:04 PM

I started becoming more interested in females from around 13 or so though I was in a huge period of denial, mostly because I thought my family would never accept me and that given the comments my family often made about gay people, I thought that being anything less than straight was this horrible thing and so I felt like I was some kind of disgusting monster. At the age of 15 I finally decided that I was perhaps at least bisexual, and that at least I was 'half straight'. The more I thought about it, the more I realised I wasn't into guys at all and the only reason I'd say I was, was to fit in with everybody else at school.

A few months after I turned 16 and left school, I was lying in bed late at night when I was thinking about myself and sexuality. Suddenly I said out aloud, 'I'm gay'. I started to repeated to myself and the more I said it, the better it became. It felt like I had finally accepted myself regardless of what others thought of me. The very next day I met up with a friend and came out to her. She was very supportive which made me feel empowered.

That same night I wrote my mum a note saying I had something important to tell her, put it on her pillow and waited for her to see it. I was all prepared and ready... but she didn't see it until the next morning... when I wasn't prepared and ready. She rushed into my room really excited wanting me to tell her this big thing but I just felt so nervous and scared. She sat down next to me and I took a deep breath... and told her. She started asking me a few questions as I think I caught her off guard, but generally she was, and is, accepting of my sexuality.

Since then I've come out to my entire family, many of my friends and eventually announced via Facebook. I've joined LGBT+ groups and whatnot, and am in a place where I'm comfortable with myself and don't feel the need to 'come out' any more than I already have.

Life is for living, not for losing.
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Re: Labels. - February 3rd 2018, 07:26 PM

I started out identifying as bisexual, even though I was 90% certain that I would never be interested in a man. I was basically using it as a stepping stone for myself and as a way to give myself an out if I did turn out to be wrong. That didn't last too long and I never actually came out to anyone during that time. I started dating a girl, which kind of solidified everything for me. While I identify as a lesbian, I use the terms lesbian and gay pretty interchangeably. It just depends on what my brain wants to use on any given day. I'm also out now to almost all the important people in my life (there's still a few relatives that I need to break the news to), so that's pretty rad.

As far as gender identity goes, there was a brief period where I questioned it. I've come to the conclusion that I'm still a cis female, but there are days that I present myself as more feminine and days that I present myself as more androgynous.

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Re: Labels. - February 7th 2018, 07:36 PM

I used to think I was straight but just never found the right girl. But around 7th grade I realized that I didn't actually feel sexual attraction towards girls. It was around that time too that retrospectively I realized I was into guys, but back then I had only heard of being gay as a bad thing, so I repressed it and tried to convince myself I was asexual for a bit. Around 9th grade I finally came to terms with my sexuality and came out as gay publicly, and it's never wavered since. As for gender identity, I'm a cis-gender male, and while I'm not a traditionally masculine person, I still feel like a "guy". I used to be scared of the fact that I secretly loved makeup and felt better hanging out with girls than with boys, but I've since come to see that what I like doesn't affect who I am. Nowadays I'm secure in both my sexual orientation and gender; it's actually one of the things I'm least insecure about.
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Re: Labels. - February 17th 2018, 03:41 PM

In high school I almost experimented with a female friend but it never happened and I am glad because I realize I didn't want that at all and it's not who I am.

I am straight and enjoy intercourse and exploring my sexuality this way with the opposite sex. I also refer myself as female with being born with a reproductive system I don't need or wanted. I love being me and not having a reproductive system anymore and I can still enjoy all the things I did before.

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Re: Labels. - February 18th 2018, 11:24 PM

I started off as straight, I suppose by default. Then when I was maybe 16, 17 or so, I started to identify as bisexual because I realised I had no real difference in how I felt towards males and females, so it seemed quite logical to me to identify as bisexual. I did a bit more reading, found out that pansexuality was a thing, and figured I wasn't fussed about gender in general so sure, I'm probably that.
Then I started exploring the world of tinder, spoke to a couple of people. When I started talking to one guy quite a lot, every part of me wanted to cut and run and I realised I felt nothing towards him, so I did some more reading and discovered the world of asexuality and realised I'm an aro/ace. Which explains why in high school, when everyone else was madly crushing on people, I mimicked them to fit in but never really got it.

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