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hufflepuff14 Offline
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your average lesbian problems - February 11th 2019, 11:47 PM

So here's the gist of my situation: highschooler, closet lesbian, out to one close friend (as bi), homophobic friends and parents, super competitive softball player (lol), crush on my friend with a tbd sexuality. Ok, so onto the crush: she's never expressed interest in any boys (or girls). She and I are very close and have been for a long time. A lot of our friends are homophobic. She doesn't really talk about that stuff. She comes from a traditional, but not religious family. She really never talks about anything sexual or romantic, ever. She's generally a very closed off person. I really like her and am terrible at hinting at it, and I have no idea how she would respond. She's not the most relatable person, so it could go one of two ways: she likes me back, tells me, but insists on keeping it a secret, or she doesn't, stops being friends with me (to avoid awkwardness because she ALWAYS avoids awkwardness). I'm terrified of losing her as a friend, but I have wanted to be more for so long. She definitely always notices if I wear something new or dress really cute (and compliments me) but then she will occasionally do this with our other friends. Sometimes, I feel like she could totally like me back, but others, I feel like she sees me as just another friend. Help! But moving on from that to my parents. They love me very much and are very compassionate people. We aren't even religious. They are just both very traditional people. Both have repeatedly expressed disgust regarding homosexuals. I'm not coming out to them at least for the time being, but any ideas on how to open up their minds and get them more comfortable with homosexuality?
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Re: your average lesbian problems - March 3rd 2019, 05:05 PM

Regarding your crush, I'm wondering if it's better to just casually ask her if she has any crushes on anyone. Or just talk about crushes in general, like celebrities. This may help you to open up a conversation and see where she is at and what she is comfortable talking about, before trying to find out what her sexuality is and if she likes you back. Alternatively, you could bite the bullet and tell her how you feel, but as you noted, either it works out or it doesn't (though maybe you could still be friends?). You could also ask a friend to help you with this, but it would have to be one that you are close with and trust.

As for your parents, it makes sense that you wouldn't want to come out to them yet when they are making homophobic comments. Trying to get them to open their minds may be difficult, especially if they are close minded. But you could try taking advantage of any lgbt events in your area or in the news that you can use as a discussion point. You can try to gently challenge any opinions they hold e.g. if they say being gay isn't 'natural' then you can say that people can't help who they fall in love with etc. Whatever your parents say, try not to take it personally. As you've realised, a lot of the homophobic comments come from simply not knowing or understanding the truth of what it's like to be gay and education can help with that, but ultimately, the person has to want to learn more to understand.

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