I'm lesbian? and help?

[tREalMST]

I am 14, and for the past year I have been identifying to my friends that I am lesbian. But what if I'm not completely sure, but I have a really strong feeling that I am? How do you know for sure? How do I tell my parents? Is it okay to just not tell them and then just someday come home with a girlfriend?

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello and welcome to Teenhelp. It is wonderful that you have joined us and thank you so much for telling us about what you have been going through. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and hope that you will be okay soon.

We like who we like and that is totally fine. Nothing is ever going to be wrong with you if you like just girls or you like girls and boys. We all are different and we all fall in love with that person. Please do not be hard on yourself because you are not sure who you like. Also you are still young, you have a lot of time to figure out who you are going to fall in love with and be with that person.

What you can do is when you have time ask out a girl and then when you come home you can make a pro and con list of all of the things that you like and didn't like about them and then you can try this with a guy and write another one out. It may take some time to find that person and it is totally fine. Everyone is going to find someone to fall in love with, it may take some time it will happen.

With your parents, you can ask to talk to them face to face or you can write a letter and put everything in it and set it aside for them to read and at the end of this ask if you can all talk about this together calmly. No matter what happens, you are still you, a lovely person Try to find something to get your mind off of this so that you are not getting upset. Going for a walk or listening to music or drawing or painting or calling a friend or putting on a funny movie or TV show or something else that you enjoy doing. I hope you will be okay soon.

The great thing about romance and sexuality is that you get to explore it. It can often be an amazing journey of self-discovery. Labels are only as important as you make them out to be. You're fourteen. That's quite young, and it's understandable you aren't sure what you want. You've got a lot of time to grow and figure it out, so my hope is that you don't put too much pressure on yourself to do so.

I can't tell you exactly how you "know." I don't know if there is such a thing. I first thought I was bisexual when I was fifteen and I fell in love with my best friend. In my early twenties that turned into pansexual: I was romantically and sexually attracted to people regardless of gender (please note that you can have a different alignment between romance and sexuality; I just happened to be pan for both). Now that I'm almost thirty not only have I discovered more about gender (I'm non-binary), but I have almost zero attraction to males, so I identify as "homoflexible." For simplicity's sake I say I'm gay.

My point in telling you that is that it can be a long journey. Hell, I'm betting it's not over for me yet, and it's only just beginning for you! You'll find what makes you happiest in time. As for telling your parents, it's hard to say what's best. So many parents take a different approach to finding out their child isn't cis and/or straight. I think you know them best and only you can really decide whether you should tell them or not. Whatever you decide, it's okay. You are valid and worthy of love.

Good luck and PM me if you need anything else. You've got this!

There is no one set guideline for sexuality. You can identify as lesbian if that makes you feel comfortable. Or you can identify as pansexual, or bisexual; whatever it is that you think best suits your identity. Also, the other thing is, you can continue to explore your sexuality until you feel happy with who you are on the inside. Don't worry about what your friends or family might think; it's your life.

You're still young and you've got a long time to figure things out. Best of luck!