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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Homophobia is gay
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Is he straight? Is he gay? Gah! - September 10th 2009, 10:10 PM

I really like this guy. He runs cross country, as do I. The only problem is that I have no idea if he likes guys or not. He seems like he might. I don't know how to explain it, but he has a lot of stereotypes that gays seem to have. He has a lisp. He has a more female friends than male friends. The problem is I don't want to ask him. I'm not completely out as bi yet, and no one on the XC team knows. I'm just really afraid of him telling everyone that I'm not straight. Because why else would I ask him if he likes guys? But on the other hand. He seems pretty nice. He seems like he's okay with gay people... I just don't know what to do.

Would a facebook message be okay in this? I'm not going to ask him out over facebook message. I just want to know his orientation...




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Re: Is he straight? Is he gay? Gah! - September 10th 2009, 10:17 PM

If you think he might be gay, I wouldn't go for him. It just might cause a lot of pain down the road if you two got together. In high school I had the experience of possibly thinking a guy I kinda dated was gay... I still think he might be, and he is awaiting a child right now. But hey, that's just my opinion.


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Re: Is he straight? Is he gay? Gah! - September 10th 2009, 10:55 PM

if you want to know, ask him, though it might help if you maybe got one of your friends, like female friends, to ask. Then it won't reflect on your sexuality if you are worried it might get out, if you dont want it to. Or if you trust him to be a nice enough guy not to tell, ask him yourself. But if you want to know, its the best way, as gaydars are limited.
   
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Re: Is he straight? Is he gay? Gah! - September 15th 2009, 10:08 PM

Hey,
I wouldn't do it over FB, you can't really read people's reactions or anything, and stuff is easily passed around. Maybe while you're running say something about how you know a guy who's gay, or ask him what he thinks of the whole gay marriage debate. Then at least you'll know what he thinks of gay people in general. And i just thought of this, did he fill out the interested in thing on Facebook? If you don't mind outing yourself, which I wouldn't do, considering he mite tell people, then casually mention you're bi and see what he says. I'd do this if he says he's all right with gay people. Good luck, PM me any time
   
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Re: Is he straight? Is he gay? Gah! - September 15th 2009, 10:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xHolyValorx View Post
If you think he might be gay, I wouldn't go for him. It just might cause a lot of pain down the road if you two got together. In high school I had the experience of possibly thinking a guy I kinda dated was gay... I still think he might be, and he is awaiting a child right now. But hey, that's just my opinion.
Isn't the OP a guy? Unless I am misinterpreting what you said.

And talk about gay marriage (subtly), it might give a good indication of where he stands. It doesn't make him gay or not, but it tells you if he would gossip about you after if he was straight.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Homophobia is gay
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Re: Is he straight? Is he gay? Gah! - September 16th 2009, 11:47 PM

Well, thanks everyone. I facebook messaged him. He said he doesn't like guys. Whatever, not completely sure if I believe it, but I'll accept it for now...




ENTER SHIKARI! BEST BAND EVER!!
(little thanks to Just.Tegan for showing me these guys)
   
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Re: Is he straight? Is he gay? Gah! - September 18th 2009, 01:52 PM

Try to casually bring up the subject. Mention something good or bad that happened that has to do with gays. Show him you are compassionate towards gay people and respect them. When people know that someone is supportive of the gay community they may come out to you knowing you are a safe person. Or even if you are talking to him about this subject and be casual and say hey i'm bi. I worked at a summer camp and there was this dude that came right out to me saying he was bi (because of working there i could not say im a les).

Also the problem with facebook is not everyone presents their sexual orientation online, your best bet is to talk to him a lot and get to know him and show him you are a respectful person.
   
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