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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Hayli Offline
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Need Feedback! - December 31st 2009, 03:26 AM

My biggest problem about being bi-sexual and only 13, is i always feel like, if i come out...everyone around me will say im too young to know what i want or it's just a phase.
And i know many people who give me support say that i dont have to come out. But im tired of living behind a mask and not being able to stand up for myself and other like me. I want to come out so badly but im scared my mother and others wont accept me....
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Re: Need Feedback! - December 31st 2009, 05:47 AM

I can't say that people won't judge you because they will. But part of being Bi or lesbian is being strong. If they tell you you are too young to know if you are, simply don't listen, because the only person who can answer that is you. Be strong. If you can wait it out then do that, but if you need to bring a part of yourself to everyone around you don't be afraid to. Be strong, be the bi that you are.
   
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Re: Need Feedback! - December 31st 2009, 06:04 PM

Hi,
If you do come out at a younger age, the "oh you're too young blah blah blah" response is bound to occur unfortunately. I came out to people at 14/almost 15 and still got that response I think people use it so they don't have to actually listen to what you're saying sometimes, like an excuse. But stay firm, and only tell people you think will be supportive at first, to boost your confidence. I've found that most teenagers/people your own age will understand that you do know for sure (maybe adults are a bit out of touch, think we don't have feelings like that lol) even if they don't agree with it. As far as people who say that go, ask when they knew they were straight. Be patient with them, and stick to your guns. Eventually they'll accept that it's not a phase.
For figuring out if people will accept you, a good way to test is to see how they react to homosexuality in general. Say you read something about gay marriage in the paper, saw something on the news about hate crimes, etc. Ask their thoughts. See how they respond. If they're open and seem alright with it, the chances are good they'll be accepting of you too.
Sorry if this is too long lol
Good luck
   
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Re: Need Feedback! - January 1st 2010, 06:26 PM

I told my parents I was bi-sexual when I was 16, and I got told it was a phase and I was too young to know... pah, Its a hell of a long phase if there any where near right!

Its up to you to decide when the time is right, and I hate to say it, but it doesnt matter what age you are, you will be judged... but its worth remembering that you will also be accepted by most people.



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Re: Need Feedback! - January 1st 2010, 06:54 PM

Im not saying this applies to you but just keep this in mind

When i was 13/14 I was convinced I was bi. There was no doubt in my mind and i was all set for coming out. However now (im actually 15 my age messed up lol) i realise that i really did go through a phase.

So you never know what you really feel and id advise to wait a bit before telling people


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Re: Need Feedback! - January 1st 2010, 07:22 PM

when i was younger i thought i was bi but now i'm 99% sure i'm straight, so things do change. i'm not saying this is the case for you but don't rush into labelling yourself just yet. i'm not going to lie to you, if you do come out a lot of people will either think you are just trying to get attention or they'll put it down to a phase and won't believe you. with this in mind.. maybe it is better to wait a while before you take the step to come out? i understand that it's difficult to feel like you have to hide who you are though.


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Cool Re: Need Feedback! - January 2nd 2010, 08:45 AM

Hey-

After over half a year of questioning in silence, I slowly came out to my parents, friends, and eventually classmates at age 13 when I started dating my first GF a few weeks before the start of 8th grade!

My parents were in denial at first, and did pretty much claim it was a phase. I told my mom first, and she said that she herself had "special connections" with female friends who were at her intellectual level. (Basically she claimed that I was just close to my GF because we were both smart and liked to read! LOL!) My dad (both my parents are doctors) took a medical standpoint and said he saw many young teen girls question their sexuality and end up being straight. (although i haven't seen any scientific research verifying his claim.) They weren't angry, or upset at all (I totally forgot that one of my mom's work partners whose daughter I played with in kindergarten was a lesbian) but i guess it was hard for them to grasp. In time they've acknowledged it more, but we don't often talk about it.

I'm 17 now and still identify proudly as being Bisexual (although I tend to lean more towards being a lesbian).

I was terrified people wouldn't accept me as well. When I had my friends support, I was more very open in school (particularly since my gf and i went to the same school and our hormonal-ness led to some PDA). I fully encourage coming out, but the only problem with doing that is I don't know how against LGBTQ people your parents are, and if you fear asking for acceptance may lead to them being violent or kicking you out, you may want to wait until your old enough to move out and know you will have somewhere to stay if worst comes to worst. You can test the waters with people you plan to come out to by bringing up gay rights in the news, or gay marriage or something and asking their opinion. It can also help to take into consideration if they are religious or not. If you live in a very religious & conservative town, you may want to choose carefully who you come out to. Unfortunately gay hate crimes are still happening at alarming rates in many areas. I live in a relatively liberal town, so things worked out for me. Things also got better in high school, when there were more people who were more aware of their sexuality, and there was a Gay-Straight Alliance.


we support and accept you here at TH!


I hope you will keep us updated on how this all progresses.

feel free to pm or vm me anytime.
- Megan



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and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
-grey's.anatomy-
   
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