Gender ID issues and a new relationship

[RelFf]

Okay, so, I have known my orientation for years now. But i have had some ambivalence about my gender. Since i started, actually even before, i started puberty I have have sometimes found myself feelings like i was missing some parts... Like I was supposed to be a man and have those genitals but I have never felt i was not a woman. I mean, i know this sounds kind of stupid but, sometimes I wonder if it is possible to be both male and female psychologically... I don't think that's how i want to phrase that but i can configure no other way of wording that. As well, i have yet to come out to my mother about my orientation and now i will be starting a relationship with my life time friend and ex-girlfriend soon, once all of the stuff with her "sat. rapes" and mental health are figured out. See, she was in a relationship with a guy 7 years older then her since she was 15 and they obviously had a sexual relationship and now that's all over and he is being difficult about giving back some of her belongings as well as stealing her money. So she is filing complaints and court hoo-dy-dah against him, and she doesn't want to put me through the ringer because she is still having problems with this man and the emotional/mental bombing he put her through. But anyway, so i'm really happy to be getting close to her again, i mean i know she is special, given she was my first girlfriend and i was always love her for opening me up and releasing my frustration with some of my self but now im unsure about talking to her about my gender identity issues and i dont want to freak her out or anything. As well, have no idea how to figure out my weird feelings bout my gender.
Can anyone offer some help here? Guidance?? A way to find my self a bit more, I mean the feeling that im partially the wrong gender has been becoming more as i aged and developed... So im really confused now.

[lost_chil]

Hello, Arielle.I'm sorry to hear about all the crap your friend has been going through, but I understand why she wants to hold off on everything. As for the idenitiy issues, I know what your talking about. I am guessing you are female(sorry if I am wrong!) but everything you have just said is iddenical to my own strory. I can't really say to much however, due to me being mtf, but as for telling your friend, thats a tricky one. I think she would be glad that you feel you can trust her enough to talk to her about all of this, but at the same time it might stress her out after what she's all been through. It it completly up to you if you telll her or not.I myself, feel somewhat like that you do, but not totally. I think I don't fit under either catagory, but at times I know I am a female at heart. Gender is one of the most confuesing subjects I know of. I believe that if you feel you are both male and female inside, then it's possible. I don't overly think I helped out much here but if you ever want to talk about things, or gender issues, etc, just pm me and will try to get back soon!Love, Alice

[RelFf]

Thank you, that was a bit helpful... Any thing else out there that may help me, anyone?

[Phin]

Hey, Arielle,

You seem to be either a sufferer from Gender Identity Disorder, or as you described feeling 'both male and female,' you could be entirely gender neutral. I myself have GID, you described it well when you said 'feel like you have the wrong parts' or something, and well... it's not exactly fun to deal with, but it's 100% okay to come to terms with. I've learned, as difficult as it may be, you have to accept yourself entirely for exactly who-- and what-- you are. As for figuring out your feelings, well, just look inside yourself, look in the mirror. What do you see? And what do you imagine yourself seeing? Do you often have thoughts like, "i'd have been a friendlier person if I were a bloke," or merely in between? Because you could be gender neutral, which is a state of mind where either, or neither, gender suits you. Sort of just in between, and in part is perfectly acceptable also.

For GID, there is not much you can do in terms of coping other than accepting the fact that you are the way you are. You could try cross-dressing, and if necessary even transitioning (though it is a difficult road to take). Try searching your identity, figure out who you are inside, and what ways you would best adjust outside. For me, I do not like the body I was given... but I do not cross-dress, nor will I transition, merely I see it as a challenge I am set out to meet every day of my life. The feeling comes and goes where I will have days that I sit down thinking "if only, if only," and others where I feel perfectly fine with it. It really helps to have someone to talk about it with, though. I have one friends who's sort of involved in the LGBT community that I came out to, and she was very supportive and actually quite interested in what it felt like. In what ways do you feel you' have the wrong gender? Is it more genderless, or the opposite you are?

I knew I was not in the right sex forever. Even as a child, I always though maybe I'll wake up how I should have been born one day. I always felt odd about the societal mould I was structured to meet, and my anatomy felt foreign to me (especially genitalia), while some places felt missing. I had more friends of the opposite sex than same sex and acted and felt more like them. And eventually through research and deep contemplations, I realised my GID... and have been coping since! It's a hard road, but it's not impossible. Feel free to PM if you'd like to talk about it! Good luck.

[ArchangelMaria]

I hope that the false diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder is removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it is only detrimental to the lives of Transgendered individuals. There is no disorder, there is no mental illness. Being Transgendered is a state of being human. Never admit your Gender Identity issues to a therapist or a psychologist, they just use it to take advantage of Transgendered individuals. Psychiatrists, usually, actually use the term to help Transgendered individuals and do not believe the state of being Transgendered to be a mental disorder. You identify as Female, Male, or Other? So what? No one has a right to say you are disordered or mentally ill. I am Transgendered, I have no Disorder with my Gender and my Gender Identity is the same thing as my Gender. My Gender is female, my Sex is male. There is nothing mentally or psychologically wrong with me in terms of Gender. No one should be uncomfortable with their Gender or their Gender Identity, being uncomfortable with Sex, however, is a different issue entirely and I'm sure everyone, at some point in their lives, experiences some feeling of discomfort with their sex. Good advice? I'm giving you the best advice that I can provide. Right now, too many people think that living in the wrong body is dealing with their status of being Transgendered, it's not. The worst thing that effects the false diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder being inflicted upon Transgendered individuals is cross-dressers, transvestites, and drag-queens, people who live as the opposite Sex just for sexual arousal or for fun and not because of their actual Gender. Everyone should express their Gender and no one should play Gender off as a game or a sex act. My Gender will always be female and my sex will always be male, why should I hide who I am? And if I don't hide who I am why should anyone else? Don't claim that anyone has an excuse. People who make up excuses are unwilling to be who God made them and who they truly are.

[Phin]

I disagree. I have it, and I would consider it a disorder.
It's not impairing, of course, nor does it make you mental or crazy in any way.
But I do not believe we are supposed to be like this.

[WillO'Wisp]

It sounds like you are unsure of who you are yourself. Before you come out to anyone, you need to think this through and figure out what really makes you happy and what it is you really want, and be sure of what you really feel and what you are before you come out to anyone about it.

[RelFf]

Originally Posted by Dragon.Kingdom

It sounds like you are unsure of who you are yourself. Before you come out to anyone, you need to think this through and figure out what really makes you happy and what it is you really want, and be sure of what you really feel and what you are before you come out to anyone about it.

I completely agree with you to a point, i have gone through this somewhat before with my original sexuality i talked it over with my closest friend and she helped me out a bit given she is totally my opposite and helpful. I'll probably go to her again, it might help me a bit knowing she basically is a man (but not ftm at all she jsut is extremely masculine) It is true you should keep stuff to yourself til your sure but sometimes talking to someone whilst still figuring it aLL OUT can really help. Just talking about myself here on TH.org has really helped me, especially these past few days because it's all becoming a bit more clear to me but i have a long way to go before i am sure of myself. Thanks everyone for the advice, if you think of anything else OF COURSE you should post it. And if you have something to say to me more personally about my issues feel free to pm me i'll always reply kindly back with either sayingss of gratitude or more questions for you... Thanks again everyone for the advice!
--
ArielleDawn!~

[ArchangelMaria]

Originally Posted by Phin

I disagree. I have it, and I would consider it a disorder.
It's not impairing, of course, nor does it make you mental or crazy in any way.
But I do not believe we are supposed to be like this.

Then in your case it is a disorder. You have a disorder with your gender, however Truly Transgendered Individuals do not.

[Invert]

I have hadnt a chance really to do more then skim the other posts, though as mod, I would like to ask that a new thread is made if you want to discuss whether or not you feel this is a disorder (though may I add, it wont be removed from the DSM this time round even if it werent a disorder, as the head of the review board is pretty transphobic).

To the OP.... are these feelings effect you? If you think they do, regardless of exactly what they are, they are worth talking about if you intend to have a relationship with this girl, otherwise you'll having to be hiding that. Which will just end up hurting.

And you might want to look up the terms genderqueer and andrognye, and see if you relate to any of that... Genderqueer is an umbrella terms for anyone who falls outside of simply male or female genders, including bigendered, agendered, a mix of genders, etc, etc... and androgyne is generally used for neither or both genders... But there's a growing movenment of those who acknowledgely fall outside of gender binaries, perhaps as gender binaries are starting to change and be taken apart for what they are.

[RelFf]

oh, now that's helpful! Thanks!

Originally Posted by Invert

I have hadnt a chance really to do more then skim the other posts, though as mod, I would like to ask that a new thread is made if you want to discuss whether or not you feel this is a disorder (though may I add, it wont be removed from the DSM this time round even if it werent a disorder, as the head of the review board is pretty transphobic).

To the OP.... are these feelings effect you? If you think they do, regardless of exactly what they are, they are worth talking about if you intend to have a relationship with this girl, otherwise you'll having to be hiding that. Which will just end up hurting.

And you might want to look up the terms genderqueer and andrognye, and see if you relate to any of that... Genderqueer is an umbrella terms for anyone who falls outside of simply male or female genders, including bigendered, agendered, a mix of genders, etc, etc... and androgyne is generally used for neither or both genders... But there's a growing movenment of those who acknowledgely fall outside of gender binaries, perhaps as gender binaries are starting to change and be taken apart for what they are.

[estel]

That's almost exactly what I was going to say. My girl/boyfriend ( I don't know haha) considers herself/himself/ to be genderqueer - sorta fluctuating between male and female at different times. The way I visualize it - There's a sphere with the gender binaries on either poles, connected by a line - and you can just lie anywhere on that sphere. If you're on the line..you still relate to either gender (leaning more towards one or the other or both) You can be off the line, gender neutral, somewhere up in the stratosphere I myself am a very visual person...so this analogy helps me to understand her/him. Maybe it might help u too? I hope so

[RelFf]

Originally Posted by estel

That's almost exactly what I was going to say. My girl/boyfriend ( I don't know haha) considers herself/himself/ to be genderqueer - sorta fluctuating between male and female at different times. The way I visualize it - There's a sphere with the gender binaries on either poles, connected by a line - and you can just lie anywhere on that sphere. If you're on the line..you still relate to either gender (leaning more towards one or the other or both) You can be off the line, gender neutral, somewhere up in the stratosphere I myself am a very visual person...so this analogy helps me to understand her/him. Maybe it might help u too? I hope so

That is extremely helpful! I luuurve that analogy! It makes a lot of sense but i'm still confused, the way I was raised unfortunitely makes we want to be one or the other even though im entirely open everyone else being anything but i myself cannot go undefined... Confussion!!!!!