Triggering: Please, SOMEBODY prove me wrong.

[ConcealedEminence]

“Being queer is more than setting up house, sleeping with a person of the same gender, and seeking state approval for doing so.... Being queer means pushing the parameters of sex, sexuality, and family, and in the process transforming the very fabric of society.”
(http://www.mfc.org/contents/article.cfm?id=1368)

I...honestly can't believe what I'm reading right now.

I've considered myself Bisexual for a year now. I've had a total of one boyfriend, and tried dating a friend of mine (who was a girl), and it didn't work out.

A few days ago, my dad rifled through my computer and didn't like that I was openly posting my Bisexuality on MySpace, so I got a fun two hour lecture on Homosexuality and stuff. I think my mom almost cried about three times. Great guilt trip, huh?

I honestly didn't want to believe what they were saying. It's not like they didn't make sense. They did. But my friends all were saying they were wrong, and the people I've met of the LGBT community were good people.

I hated seeing my parents feel like they failed as parents, so I had my dad send me an article about gay sex. ( http://www.catholiceducation.org/art...ho0075.html#18 - I couldn't even get through it all, it was too disgusting to me.) I knew that there weren't the best people out there, but seriously? Does ANYONE in the gay community want a purely monogamous relationship besides me?

Believe me, if I could, I would switch to being straight in a second. It would seriously solve all my problems. But I'm too attracted to guys. The ONLY thing that isn't keeping me from forcing myself into liking women is remembering how I felt when I was with my boyfriend, David, how I wanted to be with him and only him for at least a few years.

Please, somebody read through these two articles and give me something equally researched from the other side. I need to know that the last year of my life, and that all the plans I've made for the future, haven't been sending me down a path that would morally destroy me, because I'm afraid it's too late to turn back now.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I am sorry you had to go through all of that. I know how scary and saddening it can be to realize that your family is not understanding of your sexuality. But, the more you get out into the gay community the more you will make friends and 'family' and you will learn that you are accepted by a vast majority of people.

It takes time to really realize it but it will happen. For years I struggled with my sexuality and letting people know about it and then my dad came out of the closet and he introduced me to the gay community and I started to feel accepted.

This weekend I told my dad, his boyfriend, and our friend that I like woman a lot. I told them I still want to experiment with both sexes because there is a part of me that still likes men but in the end I revealed that woman are my thing.

None of them flipped out. Instead my friend S said that when I turn 21 he is going to take me into the city (San Francisco) and open my eyes to the world. He said he was going to keep his eyes open so that he could help me find a girl. And, he told me that if I am feeling this way I should go for it and not be ashamed.

I then started telling them how I really wanted to get into an intimate relationship and they were not disgusted by it. They still loved me and said "sounds fun lets get looking'.

The point of my story is that even if your family cannot accept you right now they either will with time and if not you will find a pseudo-family who will give you everything you need.

As for the article; there were a few passages that go me thinking.

" A 1997 national survey of 884 men and 1,288 women published in the Journal of Sex Research found that 77 percent of married men and 88 percent of married women had remained faithful to their marriage vows. "

Everyone knows that surveys are not 100 percent truthful. A lot of people who takes surveys lie because they don't want to look bad or they don't want their answers to come a bite them in the butt.

A lot of the facts in this article seem to be based on surveys which is a little disconcerting.

Another thing is the quotes the article uses to make its points might be taken out of context. A lot of people do this when they are trying to make a point. I know I have done this a lot of times for college essays. It is a basic thing that everyone does. Use a quote completely out of context to get your point across. I would not be surprised if he did this.

TBH some LGBT relationships do not last long but that does not mean that LGBT people do not want that. Almost all the LGBT people I know are looking for a long term relationship. And, a lot of the reason they haven't found it is because they get with really young men and the young men are not committed. They are at the stage in life where they want to have fun.

Buuut, a lot of straight people are like this as well. There is this girl that hangs out with us all a karaoke and at least once every week she ends up going home with someone she meets. And, that is only counting the times she goes to karaoke.

Here is an article I found and from what I read it seemed to answer some questions. I did not read it all but it seemed decent (I hope it is). But, if it does not hold up then let me know and I will try to find something else.

http://www.bidstrup.com/marriage.htm

Hang in there and know that the last year of your life was not a mistake at all.

Jenna

[Dorkzilla!]

The fact that one of those links has Catholic in the URL alone tells you the tale. Statistics will never be 100% correct, ever, no matter where you get them from. But, I can almost guarantee you those statistics were pulled from Catholic and/or other heavily religious Christians. If that is the case, then your statistics are completely off. Here's something I found,

"Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy)" (It won't let me post the link, as I have not made 10 or more posts... lovely) You can ALWAYS find different statistics to back up your claim, and it just so happens that your parents know all the right places to find theirs.

If you think it is just the gay people who are cheating, then you need to wake up and come back to the real world, and so does your dad. Look at the divorce rate in this country- obviously straight people cannot keep it together either.

It is NOT about the sexuality, it is about the individual. Thousands upon thousands of men and woman in heterosexual relationships cheat on each other. Probably the same amount of homosexuals do as well. Key words; Same amount. Why? Because it is HUMAN nature, not GAY nature or STRAIGHT nature. Human beings have a sex drive, and sometimes it gets out of control. We also have the media, which flaunts sexuality in our faces and makes it seem like constant sex with whomever we wish is ok and acceptable. So, no, it is not just gay people who cannot stay monogomous. You will find this everywhere you go. It's society telling everyone it is ok to have as much sex as you want, and there is not enough education telling us that we need to keep it in the marriage bed.

You need to do your own research and really find what you are looking for- because no one can ever tell you how to feel. I cannot convince you, and neither can your father. No matter how many statistics he and I throw at you, you will ultimately choose what to believe. You need to go with how you feel. But remember this- your father is not living your life.

I suggest you learn a lot more about homosexual relationships- ask questions specific to homosexual and gay people, and just explore. There is NO rush to find out how you feel, it's a life long journey.

I'm saying this from a bisexual married woman's point of view. I like woman, but I am also completely 100% faithful to my husband. And I know he is completely faithful to me because we took the time to develop a good emotional relationship and a good sexual relationship. It's not just about having sex, it's about learning your partner and letting them feel completely comfortable exploring with you, which I the attitude I take with my husband- sure, we may have done some kooky things, but I know that he has it out of his system and he will not need to go somewhere else for that. This is what is missing from relationships, and this is why people run around and cheat.

Also, the porn industry has a HUGE impact on this- and guess what... most of it is aimed at HETEROSEXUAL men. Hm...

[lost_chil]

I have to agree with the two post so far. Your parents may not accept you at the moment, but with time they might get use to it and eventually, maybe, support you in your choice.

As for those articles, I BARELY read the first one, and not touching the catholic one for one reason, it's caltholic(not beng prejudice(SP)) I refuse to read it because I have heard nothing good comming from any religion about the LGBT community. There may be some truth in the article, but no one is perfect, and we really can't say that the LGBT relationshps are worse OR better then the hetero-sexual relationships. This is comming from a Bisexual, mtf transsexual, and I am still wanting a long term relationship, with what gender or sexuality? Does not matter at this point, but leaning more towards female.

I just want to say that I hope you find more people who are willing to accept you. Maybe try getting envolved with a LGBT group in your area, or try finding some sites where you can go for help and advice(that center around lgbt needs and questions). I may have a few sites that might be very helpful, and if I am around a computer the next little while, I would be glad to talk to you about anything you need.

I'm just a PM away, if you need anything.

Love Alice <3

[CameronM]

Finally someone who sees how I feel! I don't understand why so many gays just want to the physical stuff. I want to have a RELATIONSHIP with someone not just a quick bone. It sickens me how many guys just assume you'll do something with them once they get to know you. Or when guys try to get with you when you're just looking for friends! Why is it wrong for gay guys to be friends? Why do we have to have any type of benifits?