Do you ever just wish you weren't gay?

[Maiden]

I've been 'out' for about a year and a half now- as long as I've been with my girlfriend. I had a boyfriend for a year before that but it was never amazing magickal like it often is with my girlfriend...

I've never worried about being gay before but now I'm starting to just wish that I was straight and normal. Being gay is so difficult. My sister hates me being gay, she hates my girlfriend... I can't tell my extended family so they will never be able to accept my girlfriend like they did my boyfriend. I hate keeping secrets from them. I feel like I have to hide it from so many people because I'm always so worried that they'll judge me and I don't know what they will think. My girlfriend is 'out and proud'. I'm out... kind of... but I'm certainly not proud. I never really tell anybody willingly. I was so ashamed that it took me ages to tell my mum and even then I couldn't say it to her face. I don't have a problem with gay people, I have heaps of gay friends, so I have nothing against being gay... It's just that it's so difficult to live a homosexual lifestyle. I'm so afraid of homophobia and such, and there seems to be quite a bit of it out there.

I could break up with my girlfriend and look for a male partner but I know I'd never be fully happy with a male... Anyone who's gay will probably know what I mean...

I just wish I wasn't gay.

[greekchick]

ALL THE TIME. But you know what? If me and you and every other gay person doesn't stand up to homophobia and get rid of it, our gay children will feel the exact same way. Don't you think they did the same thing to bi-racial couples too? Disgusting, unnatural, gross, ungodly. Just keep it strong girl!

Thats how I look at it.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I feel like that ALLLL the time and I am still dealing with the whole coming out thing. I have told my dad, some of his friends, and a few of my friends but I haven't told anyone else and I am terrified to because I know the minute I do I will be entering to a place where homophobia rules.

And, TBH, for the longest time I denied that I liked girls more than guys. I made myself like guys so I didn't have to deal with all of the homophobia and so I would not lose my brothers and mother.

However, I have reached a point where I can not deny who I am any more. I want to be able to love myself and accept myself. The only way I can do this is accepting my homosexuality and, hopefully, with time the 'shame' and 'fear' or the homophobic people will fade.

We cannot be afraid to live our lives just because of other people. Although there are going to be people that are going to hate you because of who you are there are also going to be a lot of people who will love you.

In all honesty, the love you recieve from other people is worth all the hate you will experience. Right now it might not seem like it but with time you will realize it and you will be so happy that you are allowing yourself to be you.

Take one day at a time. Maybe sit down and talk to your friends and GF about all of this as well because I am sure they can understand where you are coming from.

Another thing to consider is getting involved in a support group. People in support groups will be able to understand and help you through this. I know right now the support group I am in has helped quite a bit and I have only been once.

Here is a link to website that might help you find a support group in your area: GLBT Near Me

Please hang in there and if you ever need to chat feel free to pm me.

Jenna