Boyfriend DRAMA.

[CameronM]

I don't know what to do anymore. My boyfriend and I have been having a big rough patch lately and we're on the verge of breaking up. What it all comes down to is that I hate his past and I'm annoyed that he won't come out. It doesn't make me feel to good knowing I'm his little secret. The only reason he gets mad is because I don't open up enough to him but I don't want to hurt him by telling him he's the reason I'm upset a lot. I finally snapped though and we've gotten everything out on the table and we have been fighting for like 4 days. I just want things to go back to the way they were but my problems can't be fixed. Anyone have advice?

[TheLittleNinja]

Hey There Cameron - Welcome to TeenHelp!!!

As in all relationships - communication is the key.
As I'm sure you are aware fighting with your boyfriend really won't help at all, it will just pull you further apart.

Do try and sit down and talk things through with your partner, only if you are both 100% honest with each other will you be able to work through your problems together.

Hate is rather strong word to use when regarding someone else's life, what is that you are so outraged about? Is it something you feel you can get over? Obviously you can't change the past, and if you can't move on and accept your boyfriends past - and the decisions that were made back then, then maybe your boyfriend isn't the guy for you.

Also, try not to pressure someone into ''Coming Out'', for some it is harder than others - respect his feelings. If he doesn't feel ready or isn't mentally prepared and confident with coming out just yet - then don't put pressure on him. Having a partner pressuring another partner in a relationship is a difficult situation for both.

Try and take a step back and put yourself in his shoes. When you are both calm and serious, then sit down over coffee and talk things through.

Claire

[CameronM]

I understand that communication is key and I try to talk to him about things but then he always "has to go" or he says "he doesn't want to fight" so then nothing gets resolved.

What has made me so outraged about his past is what he has done with other boys. Now saying that, I know that I shouldn't be mad about that because people have other partners all the time but he's only 15 right now and when he started doing things he was 13. I on the other hand am still a virgin and I'm like a total goodie goodie. He has changed in so many ways for me and I do appreciate that but the one thing I can't get over is what he did when he just turned 15 with a 19 year old. Every time I think about it I get angry. I get that it's his past and he can't change it but I don't understand what would go through his mind to do something like what he did.

So because I haven't done anything with a anyone, everything I do with my boyfriend will be my first and it will be super special to me and to him I'm just another boy. At least that is how I felt for a long time. I recently had a conversation with my best friend and she made me understand that I might be another guy that he's doing things with but that doesn't mean it won't be every bit as special to him as it is to me because he is doing it with the guy he loves and not just some guy.

What makes the situation worse about the 19 year old is that my boyfriend didn't choose to stop seeing him, his parents found out and forced him. So I'm always thinking about this other guy and if he's going to come in and steal my boyfriend away.

About coming out, I understand that it is a big thing and he gets to call all the shots but it just hurts me that he doesn't care that he can't do anything with me in public. I'm not saying that I would just walk down the street and openly kiss him or start holding his hand, but I would like to know that I had the option and that everything we did didn't have to be in the dark or behind closed doors. I'm not pressuring him at all. I told him that he gets to do this on his own terms but he already has come out to people as bi. His family knows that and like 6 or 7 friends know that but the thing is, he isn't bi. He's gay and I'm the only one that he has said that too.

Being extremely Christian doesn't help with anything though because he is afraid of what his church would do if they found out. He is very active with his church and he loves it and doesn't want it to be ruined because of his sexuality. He was also saying how he didn't want to label himself or let his friends down because they all think he's straight but he doesn't see that he's lieing to all of them and that if they were his true friends, they would love him for who he was.

Sorry this was so long, there's just a lot of things going on.