Please help me

[Hartleigh]

I'm really sorry if this grosses anyone out, as I know it goes against social norm and it's a really cringey taboo, but I need help with this ASAP.

Okay, so my half-brother's 2 years older than me. We're both male, btw. He's bisexual whereas I'm mostly asexual, but the idea of getting into a romantic relationship with women gives me the creeps, whereas I can bare the thought of it happening with another male. However, I still have no interest or desire in doing so.

I've known for about 2-3 years now that my brother is interested in me sexually. I found his online blog expressing fantasies he's had between us, and 2 years ago we were playing basketball. It got dark and we had some beers between us, he got quite drunk and said that he thinks I'm sexy. It kind of took me by surprise, but I wasn't grossed out. However, I didn't feel the same way about him at all. It made me kind of nervous.

He's said things like that a few more times after that incident as well, and also attempted to kiss me numerous times. I've always ignored the comments and rejected his efforts. However, once we were waiting in an empty carpark for a taxi, both quite drunk, and I was laying on the ground. He kneeled beside me and asked me for a kiss, and we kissed on the lips, but nothing more came from it. Again, it didn't gross me out, but I felt nothing of it.

However, I think I'm beginning to become more and more attracted to him. I can't explain it. I get jealous when he flirts with other people and I'm constantly craving his affection. Although, we got drunk together a few weeks back and he kept trying to kiss me, and I kept avoiding it. He said, "it's never going to happen, is it?" to which I replied "we're brothers, we're bestfriends", to which he just shook his head with a sad smile and said "no" and left me alone. Although I'm not sure what he was "no"ing. At that point in time, I knew my feelings for him were getting stronger, but I wasn't at a stage at which I could bare kissing him.

But the other day, we were sat on the sofa watching a movie under a duvet together. I started cuddling him and he said something like "you're so small" and cuddled me back, and I don't know what I felt, but I got really happy and got butterflies.

I think I'm now at the stage where I want him to kiss me, and love me, but I don't want to because it's wrong and it's also dangerous if anyone were to find out. I'm scared I'll end up giving in one day, which would totally destroy our relationship.

What should I do? Should we continue with this semi-incestuous behaviour that'll potentially destroy our lives and relationships, which to me feels amazing as he's the only person I've ever felt this kind of affection towards, and probably the only person I ever will... or should I sit down and talk to him and tell him it has to stop?

[TheLittleNinja]

Hey There And Welcome to Teenhelp!!

Firstly I'd like to clarify that asexual means the following (This is taken from TH's Queer Dictionary) :

Asexual – An individual who does not experience sexual attraction. An asexual individual may or may not desire a romantic relationship, and may or may not enter a relationship with a sexual person. Asexual as a sexuality is a very broad term. It includes people repulsed by sex, people indifferent to it, people who will not have sex and people who will.

So if you feel you could enter a romantic relationship with another male do you feel you may fit a different sexuality? Such as bisexual or gay? Just an idea :] Although, I can see how you fit the asexual category for the majority - more on that later :]

They say that "Alls fair in Love and War"; which basically implies that if two people are in love togehter they conquer all battles that face them. However, you have touched on the problems that can occur if people were to find out about your brother and yourself.

Having a relationship within family is quite often frowned upon in the modern world and unfortuneatly life would be (In my perspective) extremly tough on you both. However, if you feel you are both strong enough together to over come this - then so be it.

I am a little worried however at your age - if it is true. To be getting engaged in such activity at such a young age - is in my personal opinon wrong. I feel that you need to live a little first before you make an decisions regarding your sexuality AND your love life. You need to be sure of your self before you commit to anyone.

Are you really attracted to your brother? Or are you just enjoying the attention? It's not wrong for people to 'Turn you On' or give you 'Butterflies' - but that is very different from you wanting a relationship with them. For example - Many women get 'turned on' by lesbians, however the majority of these women would never have a relationship with another woman. Do you see my point here?

I think at the bottom of your heart you know that what your brother wants is wrong. It's hard to describe really because it is and isn't wrong. It's great that he 'loves' you - but in modern terms it is morally wrong. I think that you really need to sit down and think about how you REALLY feel about this situation - take your time over the matter. I also feel that you are too young to be jumping into such relationships (with your brother) because of the possible termoil that could result from it - it could ruin your education if bullying were to occur (thats the sad world we live in I'm afraid).

Take your time, and have a good think about what you want from your life , from your future. I really hope this helps - as I wasn't entirely sure how to answer this post :]

Take Care,
Claire

[Hartleigh]

Thanks for the welcome (: I don't think I'd class myself under a different sexuality. Like I said, I'm not attracted to males or females, or transvestites or objects or anything like that. I never have been and I have no interest in relationships, sex, highschool crushes or anything along those lines. It's only my halfbrother that I've ever felt any form of affection like this towards, and even then I feel as though I could probably get over it if we ceased to mess around with each other.

I don't know if I'm in love with him, however. I have some reason to think that it's probably just hormones kicking in. I mean, I never think about sex or anything, so surely all those pent up hormones must have to vent their way out somehow. Maybe this is it?

I've always messed around with people at a young age though (: Just experimenting, I never felt nothing from it. Two neighbour boys and me would engage in sexual activities when I was as young as the age of five, until my stepmother found out and punished me to the extent that I never even saw those two guys again. Then after that, I did the same with my best friend from the age of about 7 til we were 10. I haven't done anything since then, though.

I think you're right, I'm probably just enjoying the attention. I can admit that he is good looking and he's getting more and more attractive as the days go by, simple through growing up and changing his appearance through haircuts and piercings etc, and his attitude and body language. It's probably the fact I find him physically attractive that I think I have deeper feelings for him. Honestly, it's probably just based on his looks, and the fact he's giving me attention. But then, I get attention this way from other people too, and I don't feel this way about them.

I don't go to school anyway though, so I don't think I'd have to deal with very much bullying. I only have about 20-30 friends who I hang out with, and me and my brother hang out with the same people. I think, if we were to take this further, not many people would find out. I don't think I'd really mind keeping it a secret because I highly doubt it'd even last that long if it were to develop anyway.

Thanks for the input, it's useful for me to have someone help me mix about my thoughts and bounce ideas off of (: Appreciated x