Accused of trying to "go back into the closet"

[Maiden]

My girlfriend of 19 months is starting to accuse me of trying to go back into the closet. Yes, I guess it's true, but I wish like hell that she'd stop pressuring me about it! Over the summer (southern hemisphere girl here, ie its going into autumn), I've had a bit of change and I've decided to try and be more confident with myself and to try and make more friends, especially at Uni. I don't have many (any) friends at uni because I never tried to make any last year. One of the reasons I'm afraid of making friends is because I'm worried they'll judge me for being gay. I hate telling people- I don't think I've actually ever told anyone of my own free will. When we're out, I won't let my gf hold my hand anymore, and I don't really let her hug me much. I used to let her all the time but recently, I've become more and more uncomfortable with it. It's weird because I used to be fine with it, most of the time. Now I'm not at all and I don't want people to know that I'm gay.

I've asked her to just give me a bit of time to figure things out and to give me some space and not pressure me. But she keeps getting angry and saying that I must not want to be with her since I won't let people know we're together. It's not really about that at all- it's not about her, it's about me. I just don't want people to know. I know that's probably upsetting for her because she's really quite 'out and proud' and she doesn't like hiding herself but at the same time I don't want to be 'out and proud' at the moment. I want to meet people and make friends before telling people I'm gay, so that they can know me first before they judge me.

I don't even know if this makes sense at all but I just wish my girlfriend would stop badgering me about it all... I just want time to make friends with people and stuff without them knowing I'm gay right now. I want to be able to walk around uni confidently without worrying what people are thinking about me because I'm holding my girlfriend's hand (I guess that's a bit of an oxymoron though...). I'm not confident in being gay but I want to be confident in myself first, before being confident in being gay. Since some experiences in childhood, I've never really trusted people and the gay thing just means I don't trust people even more.

Sorry that this is so long I really want some advice.

[Jaguar]

She's being unfair and, it sounds, possessive.
Part of being in a loving relationship is helping your partner through rough spots, and for gay/lesbian people there are plenty of rough spots. I would let her know in no uncertain terms that even though she feels like you should broadcast your sexual preference, and your devotion to her, to all the world, that you're not there yet for your own reasons and what you need is some supportiveness with your fears.

[Ella.x]

Maybe at uni you could try joining a LGBT society, we've got one at the uni I go to and there's loads of people who've made friends through it. I've also noticed that once people get to uni, they seem to "grow up" a bit more when it comes to attitudes to sexuality. I know a few lesbians and a couple of gay guys and as far as I know they've received minimal prejudice.
However, if you're still uncomfortable, then you need to sit your girlfriend down and talk to her about it - make her understand how hard it is for you to feel confident in yourself.

[lea-x-fallen]

explain to her that you dont want people to judge you until they know you. try making friends, and if you want mention your girlfriend, tell her how important she is to you, but try to make her see that your uncomfortable with other people knowing. but people should really like you for you, and not judge you because of any reason liek sexuality. i hope that helps ^_^

[ellabelly]

you don't have to wear a sign that says i'm gay when you meet people. there's NOTHING wrong with meeting people and telling them later on in the friendship you're gay. it usually works better because first they get to know the REAL you. nothing worst then people only knowing you for being their token lgbt friend.

[Maiden]

Originally Posted by ellabelly

you don't have to wear a sign that says i'm gay when you meet people. there's NOTHING wrong with meeting people and telling them later on in the friendship you're gay. it usually works better because first they get to know the REAL you. nothing worst then people only knowing you for being their token lgbt friend.

Exactly. I don't want to be the one that everyone's like 'oh, the gay one' whenever they name me or think of me.