My Best Friend's Gay Boyfriend :(

[punkchique]

I need help helping a friend. Here's the story:
My friend's boyfriend came to visit her for a week. He stays at her apartment while she's at school during the day. When she got home, she saw that a virus had completely trashed her pc. Her boyfriend said it happened when he was watching free movies online. As she was trying to delete some of the files the virus had put on her computer she saw several explicit gay porn videos that only her boyfriend could have put there (which would also explain the virus).
She loves him a lot and she's deeply hurt. She came to me for advice but I honestly didn't know what to tell her. I just said that maybe should should ask him about it but she said she would feel too weird. So for right now she's just acting as if nothing's wrong.
There are also several more things that complicate this situation. Her, her boyfriend and I are all from a conservative christian country where many people (not me but probably including her) are homophobic. Now I've never met her boyfriend but I sympathize with him. Also he is supposed to be staying with her for another week and I can tell she doesn't feel comfortable with him anymore but he nor she has any place else to go.

How do I help in a situation like this?
Thanks in advance.

[Invert]

He might not be gay, straight guys do watch gay porn too... or he could have been looking at porn and accidently came across gay porn, its not hard.

If she really cant deal with it, she should talk to him. But she shouldnt jump to conclusions.

[punkchique]

okay i understand the "don't have to be gay to watch gay porn". But how do i try to explain that option to her. In our country any slight sign of femininity in a male is considered gay and many people don't understand or accept sexual curiosity and exploration.
To her gay porn automatically means gay and it'll really hard for me to convince her otherwise if this were the case.

[Invert]

first off, I assume he doesn't live close by? If he were gay, and dating her to cover the fact he was gay, then surely he'd go for someone locally... its more 'convincing' to the people around him. Second off, if he were gay, and it's a big social no-no in your country, its unlikely he'd be dumb enough to be looking at gay porn. Which comes back to the idea that he may have been looking at porn, and stumbled across a gay porn website. I havent looked at porn often, but even the times I have, it's very easy to stumble onto porn you weren't looking for. Also, some viruses specifically fill your computer with porn, I believe, it could honestly be the virus. If the guy has been watching gay porn intentionally, and downloaded onto the computer, and not deleted, gay porn videos, then he is simply kinda... stupid.

On the other hand, possible reasons straight men might watch gay porn, could be as simple as wanting to see other men's bodies, maybe to see if their bodies are 'right' (yeah, porn isnt a good source for this, but people do use it like this). Also, maybe the aspect of forbidden fantasy makes it interesting to him, whilst he may have no desire to act on it in real life. Our sexual fantasies don't always reflect our real life sexual wants, and maybe he is simply turned on by a forbiddeness, not the men in the video.

Perhaps use this as a oppurtunity to talk to her about gays? Beyond what your society has claimed. Because a man being a bit effeminate does not mean he is gay, so she's got wrong information, and education is always good.

If she doesn't want to talk to him, particularly in person, or because he is there for the rest of the week, maybe suggest she waits for him to go home, then she can ask about it, and if what she finds out isnt what she wants to be, aka, him being gay, then she can break up with him, without the awkwardness of spending the rest of the week with him after doing so.

Perhaps if you are braver, you could talk to him about it?

And like this isn't solid evidence of anything, but the poll on here shows people who consider themselves straight may watch gay porn, and looking at the thread, a few people posted, and the 'comapring cock sizes' idea came up:

http://www.lpsg.org/60208-straight-g...-gay-porn.html

I hope I helped somewhat.

[lovely.manifestation]

I've actually been watching random, totally PG movies online and gotten a virus on my own computer... lots of naked women, which I thought was really strange, since I'm the only one with the password to my computer & have never seen or searched for any sort of porn (yet? ), gay straight or whatever. So it's possible that it was just one of those weird things that can happen when you're watching online movies... I'm not sure how likely or common it is, but it's just a thought. Also, I'd think he'd be too afraid to look up gay porn on his girlfriend's computer, even if he'd wanted to... since it could be traced and such. Idk though. I'd ask if he'd been acting weird afterward, like nervous or anything like that... to assess whether or not he'd actually been doing it.
What-ifs aside, I can see how that might be confusing &/or uncomfortable for your friend, especially if she's been raised with the mindset that homosexuality is somehow wrong or strange or whatever. There seems to be little she can do about it, save for asking him if he was watching gay porn. Even if he was, that doesn't mean that he's gay. I'm sure straight guys look at male porn, or perhaps he's bisexual... in which case I don't see why their relationship wouldn't continue, unless that's something she just couldn't handle.

-Nev

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

The best thing she could do is talk to him. There are a lot of explanation for this. He could be gay or he could have accidentally clicked something. He could have been curious. And, on and on it goes.

So, the best thing she can do is talk. I know it would be hard to do but in the end it is the only way these questions are going to get answered.

If she is really nervous about it maybe you could offer to go as her moral support? I don't know how her Boyfriend will feel about that but it could be an options. Also, she could always write him a letter or email and explain her concerns. I know how awkward something like this would be so maybe if she got some suggestions that would make it a little less awkward she would be more willing to do it.

Best of luck,

Jenna

[punkchique]

thanks a lot guys you've all been really helpful
and I'm definitely gonna pass some of this information along to her.
Especially the part about the email and trying to show her that being gay isn't wrong, even if her bf isn't gay, although that parts gonna be kind tough
thanks again

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Your welcome. I am glad you found it helpful. And, I hope things turn out well.

[Anonymity]

I have several friends who use limewire, and many of them have complained that when they went to download a completely innocent movie, they'd really be downloading porn. Her boyfriend is likely telling the truth.

[WillO'Wisp]

Everyone watches porn and has sexual curiosities of the opposite sex's body, it doesn't mean he is gay. I don't think she should be too hurt about this, he watches porn, everyone watches porn. It's normal.