This is why i'm here

[Kristy-Louise]

I wouldn't be if i had my way;
i'd be talking to people who can see me and hear me and really understand
and yes i come onto these sites with a negative mind frame which is very very unfair- but nobody ever come through for me.
It's selfish, cause why should anyone- you guys don't know me and you cant tell how much i need your help. But i do. Often find that people are willing to gossip, but nobody really wants to help.
I'm at the end of the line and i can't think of anything else to do. All i want to do is disappear.
This site helped me so much when i was younger, and being a lesbian wasn't an issue then; it fit in with my culture and it wasn't about love or sex or anything like that because i was too young.
The older i got the more love and sex mattered; denial set in and i made some mistakes. One of which was a chaotic two and a half year relationship with a man that ended just a week ago. Which was quite frankly the most twisted and nightmarish two years of my life.
I'm still hurting it was only last week and i know i ruined what- in an alternate universe would have been the perfect relationship, but i am gay and i don't know how to handle it. It would be so much easier if i lived somewhere i could flourish, or at least where there was some sort of gay community
i feel like i have literally chucked two years of my life away, the two years at college where i could have been out proud and meeting ladies, maybe the right lady
instead i made the wrong choice and i'm lonely and i miss my crazy open minded party lifestyle
i'm drowning myself in a whirlwind of The L Word, drugs and alcohol, and it's making me crazy
i just want the gayness to explode out of me and have a beautiful woman to aim it all at.
=/
someone just talk to me about this please?

[Stratus]

I understand where you are coming from..
I live in a tight knit small ass town, where the word gay sends a wrong message to everyone.. I cannot wait to get out of this small town and go somewhere where I will be accepted. I will be attending the University of North Dakota in the fall.. Where it is still not as accepting, but it's way better than here..
I have also been in relationships with girls, where I feel like I am just wasting both of our time.. It's so hard but idk what else to do.
I think you just need to get out of where you are.
And hit the refresh button on your life, Your 18 so I'm guessing you might be able to leave soon. But I dunno your background.

You can't keep living in this life where you feel you have to contain yourself and hold back on how you really feel.
I hope there is a way you can achieve that.
You are so beautiful inside and out!! So hold on dear.
Good things will come your way.

[MaroonLove]

Agreed. If you keep having to hold back, maybe its time for a change?