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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Everybody else seems so comfortable. - May 27th 2010, 05:41 AM

So I hang out with a lot of friends who are pan-sexual, bisexual, and homosexual. I am bisexual as well. I think it's really cool to have found friends who all went through the same thing I'm dealing with right now. Which would be.. accepting myself. But I used to be going through it WITH my best friend. Now he's completely comfortable about it and loves who he is. Everybody says they are here for me and they will help me get through it but they're already off going to pride days and stuff in different cities together. I feel kind of left out but I shouldn't cause they always invite me. I'm just really scared. I'm not comfortable yet. I don't even want to be this way. Why would I participate in pride day if I'm not proud to be this way? Why would I want to go meet up with a bunch of girls who might be interesting in me when I can't even accept that part of me yet? I know my friends will be there for me whenever I AM ready and they respect the fact that I'm not. I'm just unhappy because I don't know when or if I'll ever be comfortable with it. Part of me is so proud of who I am. But the other part of me is scared for who I am because it can leave me out of things and separate me from the people I love. How do I handle something like this? ):



   
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Re: Everybody else seems so comfortable. - May 27th 2010, 09:00 AM

Hey there.

As you said, it's good you've found people who accept you for who you are, and who have been through what you're going through. However, that's the thing: it sounds like they've already gone through it, but you're still going through it. So, in a way, although they know the kind of confusion you have right now, and the feelings you have, they might be so happy already in their newfound confidence with their sexual orientation that they can't entirely help you go through this.

That said, someday you will achieve that kind of confidence, and be more comfortable in
who you are. There's no rush to participate in pride rallies or anything of the sort. If you're not ready, there's nothing wrong with that; it takes time to develop that level of confidence.

I know right now it might seem like you'll be stuck in this in-between phase forever: knowing you're bisexual but not quite accepting it. In time, though, those feelings will change and you will be able to be happy with who you are. For now, could you try talking to your friends? They sound very understanding and supportive, and maybe if you tried to explain your thoughts/feelings to them, they might be able to offer you some more support or advice?

As for your sexuality separating you from people - there's no reason for that to be true. Your sexuality doesn't need to define you. It's part of you, but it doesn't need to stop you from being with people you love, from having fun, from living a great life. You don't need to plan your life around being bisexual. Just be yourself.

Take care.


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with pace & a fury defiant.

   
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Re: Everybody else seems so comfortable. - June 3rd 2010, 02:37 AM

Hey, it's great that you're even trying to come to terms with it, many people don't even get that far!
The thing is that it's a totally personal experience; you can have the support of as many people as you like, but ultimately it's YOU who has to actually do it.

As for the things like Pride days; you may find that, even when you're fully settled, you still don't want to go to them. I've been out for years, but I still wouldn't personally feel comfortable at a Pride event (I'm not really one for big displays)! You don't have to do certain things just because you're bisexual, just be yourself.

I know it feels like this could be the end of the world but trust me, it isn't. You've got the rest of your life to grow into your skin and you can go as fast or as slow as you like. To be honest, finding out who you are can be half the fun, it gives you the chance to try on lots of different things and explore life's proverbial rich tapestry.

It might even pay off to do the things you're scared of; say you took the plunge and did go to a Pride event:
-You might hate it, in which case you don't have to go to another one ever again and no real harm done.......


-.....But then again, you might love it, it might even help you along with getting comfortable!

   
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Re: Everybody else seems so comfortable. - June 3rd 2010, 02:49 AM

I Agree with you Kiddo, maybe going to one and seeing what all the fuss is about ( I don't mean that in a bad way)

Might help you become comfortable.





   
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