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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Kiddo Offline
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Only just realised how unsure I am.... - June 1st 2010, 01:32 AM

I've been reading around other people's 'confused' trans threads and I don't think I quite fit into that....but equally; I'm kinda confused.

I often find myself wanting to be male, but it's not like I dislike being female. In fact, sometimes I love it.
It's not like I'm totally revolted by my female body, in as much as that I'm often revolted with my body, but because I just don't like it, irrespective of gender.

Also, more often than not, I find myself wanting to be a specific male. A lot of my heroes (actually, I think all of them) are male, so that makes me think that maybe it's not that I want to be male, but I want to be them.

Then again, I sometimes find myself thinking that I just don't want to be female. I don't particularly want to be a man, I just don't want to be a woman.
Most of the time it's not even a physical/anatomical thing. To me, men just seem to be more graceful, endearing creatures (intellectually speaking, as well as physically). I know that is contrary to most people's perceptions but it's very difficult to explain why I think this.

I quite like the idea of being androgynous as well, but I don't feel like I want to commit completely to any of them.

There's also the issue of everyone knowing me as female. If I suddenly started binding my chest, people will ask questions which I am (evidently) unable to answer.

Wow, I'm even confusing myself here.

Basically, I just don't know. I don't even know if it's actually a gender issue, or if I just want to be someone else.
   
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Re: Only just realised how unsure I am.... - June 1st 2010, 05:16 PM

This sounds familiar Like many others you're probably picking and choosing benefits between the two.

Until you make up your mind you are now offically a member of gender X. Yes it's real. For you see, when you were little the Ozzy and Drix's in your body have samurai swords. During a great battle against your last cold one of the white blood cells accidently cut, and in your case, the second X from your chromosome make up. Now you are a single X. You are now Genderia ~X~ *Farscape season five theme* But you are not alone. There are others like you, we all reside in Northern California and drink Starbucks and shop at world furniture stores. Don't wanna be an X? Then think of your long term goal in life. What is it? Then multiply it by the expectations society for both male and female...kidding.

It'll grow out of you. There are plenty of people who don't want to be male or female, only because one seem 'better' than the other. It's not really a big decision, but could you imagine what loved ones would say? If you are really serious about it you should start binding your chest, cutting your hair short, and *sigh* wearing plaid button up shirts. (I couldn't resist ) It's your life and you should live the way you want, and when you get questions shoot them the bird, excluding family, smile for family.




[X E R D A J] ~Sessyrocks~
-=i wanna be your knight=-
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Only just realised how unsure I am.... - June 1st 2010, 07:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
Basically, I just don't know. I don't even know if it's actually a gender issue, or if I just want to be someone else.
You may be more right here than you think. My attitude here is, don't look for what you feel you want to be, but rather consider what you have become. You say most people consider you female, so do you feel that you are *currently* female, as a result of your upbringing? If so, then you are female - if you were to become male then you would simply become another person. If you like the idea of becoming another person, then ask yourself if that idea is more important than the gender thing - and if you really wouldn't be content changing your personality without changing your gender. See where I'm going with this? Ultimately you have to explore how you really feel about yourself.

(By the way, I only came up with this idea yesterday morning, but I do believe (completely unscientifically of course) that it's possible for an individual to have two or more distinct personalities he/she will slip between depending on the situation. Just thought I'd mention it.)
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Re: Only just realised how unsure I am.... - June 3rd 2010, 03:39 PM

HEY!! HOPE YOURE HAVING A GREAT DAY!

You know what? Thats just how i feel hunni

Now i dont have alot to say xD but i think its this simple

Somtimes we dont know what makes us happy, or were just not sure. I think sometimes in life you have to take a risk and just see!! Me i did that and i love being a girl.

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO TAKE A RISK TO BE HAPPY!! and you might not like it. but you havent done to much and you can always go back. And anyone will understand that, as we all want to be happy, and youre freinds will understand!!
   
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Re: Only just realised how unsure I am.... - June 4th 2010, 01:04 AM

Thanks so much everyone
I'm still not really sure what I'm going to do, but I'm hopefully going to university next year, so I guess that might leave a little room for reinvention!
   
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Re: Only just realised how unsure I am.... - June 11th 2010, 05:03 PM

Sorry to be a little late to the party, but my boyfriend (who is an FtoM) went through the same thing. Ultimately he was simply neither, androgynous, genderqueer, what have you...though he places himself more towards the male side. Luckily for you, should you ever want to change your gender you'll have plenty of time to think about it as the process takes for ever due to prejudice, finances and of course, a crappy legal system.

I dunno how much of a reader you are, but I'd recommend GenderQueer: Voices From Beyond the Sexual Binary...especially the Sylvia Rivera essay!
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Question Re: Only just realised how unsure I am.... - June 14th 2010, 07:51 PM

So if you were a guy, would imaginge yourself having relationships and sex with women or men?
   
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Re: Only just realised how unsure I am.... - June 14th 2010, 09:17 PM

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Originally Posted by Teenager View Post
So if you were a guy, would imaginge yourself having relationships and sex with women or men?
Either, both, neither; I'm pansexual, anything goes.
   
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Re: Only just realised how unsure I am.... - June 14th 2010, 09:22 PM

I think you want to be someone else, not a male, not a female, just someone else. We all have that episode in our lives where we wonder what it would be like to be the opposite gender, or to be in someone else's shoes. Well it may not be as glamorous as it all looks out to be. In public it stands out as perfection with your heroes, celebrities and such, but in private, inside, they may not feel as super, they may have alot of issues and even wish they too were just someone average.
   
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