am i just not built for love?

[queenofrainydays]

throughout school it was a general conversation topic with my friends. why don't you date? well quite frankly i never found anyone at my school i wanted to. but as i've gotten older my friends look at me a little bit more hesitant like there's something wrong with me because i still don't like the concept of dating. Explaining to them that guys scare me for various reasons in relation to my past, and i'm pretty sure saying i only would date girls challenges everything my parents and faith have ever taught me, and that's terrifying too. i try so hard to show my friends how much i love them, and i don't particularly need an intimate romantic relationship, but i have to wonder. why can't i take a part in such an affair? am i just not built to love people in that way? cause if so, that's very sad. my whole life i've wanted that one person- and yet i can't or won't let myself find them. so should i just accept its not meant to be?

[Soliloquy]

Hi there,

Don't give up hope! It is perfectly fine if you do not feel ready for a romantic relationship just yet. It certainly doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Everyone moves at their own pace. Try not to let the standards of others influence you too much. You should do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Quite honestly, I think it is admirable that you don't want to jump into a relationship just for the heck of it. I know there are some people in the world who would, simply because of all the pressure they are facing from their peers to do so. Dating and pursuing a relationship has become the "socially acceptable" thing to do in a lot of areas. However, you want your partner to be more than just a 'rite of passage,' so to speak.

There could be many reasons why you aren't particularly interested in a relationship yet. For instance, you haven't met the right person. I'm sure someone will come into your life who is very special to you at some point. A little patience goes a long way sometimes! And if you find that person is a girl, that is okay! I know it can be scary to go against your upbringing, but in the end, the decision of who you are to date is yours. The most important thing is that you are happy.

If you find that person is a guy, that is also okay. I'm sorry to hear you've had some upsetting experiences with men in the past. Have you ever considered talking to someone about that, such as a parent or even a teacher?

I hope this helps! Take care! xx

[Berries and Cream]

No, that is not true! Everyone is built for love You just haven't found the right person yet. Be patient and yes, it does have benefits. Everyone is different in their own pace in love. It's okay! Just be comfortable with where and who you are. Love yourself for who you are and be positive, because it does show

[TheWhiteTornado]

I think that's your friends' immaturity shining through. That's not to say they're stupid or bad people, just that you choose to go the road less traveled and not date for the time being. That's actually one of the smarter things to do at our age and I'm sure they only see it as odd because they're used to seeing people go from one relationship to another, only to find that they were mistakes, whereas you're waiting for the right person- guy or girl.

[Maiden]

I agree. Be patient There's no point rushing into relationships before you're ready- they'll just end in heartbreak. You need to be ready and you need to want to do it. And just keep an open mind about things. When the time is right, you'll know it, and when the person is right, you'll know that too

[queenofrainydays]

but it's not that i don't want to because i haven't found the right person. i just think that dating is too much contact with one person. its too much personal knowledge. how can you stand to be that close to the same person? i don't understand the concept of wanting to be that close.

[Soliloquy]

Hello again!

I agree with you. The idea of a relationship can be quite daunting at first! How can one person manage to handle all that contact with another individual? It may seem very overwhelming. However, keep in mind that when in a relationship, you are not forced to interact with your partner 24/7. Everybody needs some time to herself once in a while, and you should be able to communicate this to your significant other when you see fit. Even married couples need to do this at times; it is perfectly okay!

Relationships are also about negotiation and compromise. Let's face it - you can't live with someone and not get annoyed at them sometimes! No matter how much you love them, they are inevitably going to get on your nerves at one time or another. Nobody is perfect! That is why it's important to discuss and work out differences with your partner.

Usually, when you truly care about someone, the good will outweigh the bad and you two can lead a happy life together.

Take care! xx

[TheWhiteTornado]

Originally Posted by queenofrainydays

but it's not that i don't want to because i haven't found the right person. i just think that dating is too much contact with one person. its too much personal knowledge. how can you stand to be that close to the same person? i don't understand the concept of wanting to be that close.

I think, as cheesy as it sounds, you just haven't met someone you can see yourself being that personal with. I'm not saying there's going to be one true love in your life and that an orchestra is going to sound when you meet him/her, just that you haven't met someone that you'd be willing to do that with. I'm kinda the same way, believe it or not. I have a crazy fear of commitment because I spaz and question if I could stand to be alone with that one person for my whole life (a bit ridiculous, but humor me ). Anyways it kinda comes down to finding the person who you want to share all these things with rather than feel obligated to.