new, help please?

[freehugs]

Hey, im new im seventeen and live in England. I'm female, and bisexual and really badly want to stop finding girls attractive. I don't mean to offend anybody but im feeling so horrible and sorry for myself at the moment that i really need somewhere to rant.

I'm out to my mum, dad and sister and they are all against me finding girls attractive and i've been called disgusting, selfish, unnatural, wrong etc so many times i've lost count, im sure you know the drill.

I'm out to a few friends who have all been really supportive and treat me the same. I've had a boyfriend who i was with for a year, and a girlfriend i was with for about 4 months until my parents gave me so much abuse for it that i had to break up with her as it was affecting the relationship so much.

I'm constantly terrified my extended family will find out. They would litterally throw me out of the family if they ever found out. Mum even said she'd lie to cover it up, and that is so unlike her :/

I don't know what to do. I'm planing to live at home for university (or college for american people) so im not going to be able to be myself or be with a girl without them finding out. Not that i want my life to be a lie, i don't and i know it'll all come out i guess it always does.

I don't want to want to be with a girl. I really don't :/ Its killing my family and its killing me to see them so hurt and torn up over it. I don't think its something they're going to get over as i think it's about errm 7/8 months i've been out? Maybe thats too short a time, but by what they've said i think its impossible that thier view is going to change.

All i want is to fall in love with a guy, get married, have children and do the traditional thing. But its not that easy is it?
My ex boyfriend is like my rock to be honest, we're really close still and he's been so supportive through all of this.. lately we've gotten really close again to the point where we talk about children and kiss a bit.. I don't know whether its fair on him to be in a relationship with him again, whilst still trying to fight all these feelings i have.

I say my friends are supportive but they're all straight, i only know one gay person and he's male. I come from the countryside where everything is a bit old fashioned and nobody is out gay/bisexual/trans or anything else :/

This is all so messed up, i don't think this post even makes sense, i'm sorry.

I just wish i knew what was the best thing to do..
It's eating me up inside
Any advice and i will love you forever
xx

[DeadlySin]

Lying to yourself won't help.
Some people are just bi, it's not a big deal.
Some people grow out of it, some learn to embrace it and accept it.
It's extremely unfair for your family to act that way, they should love you for you and for what you want.
If you like boys and girl, it's a very normal thing and you shouldn't feel that it's wrong.
Just be yourself and don't let others tell you it's wrong. I know it's not as easy as it sounds but your happiness is more important than others. Don't be straight to please other people be straight because you want to be.
If it's really that bad you can always keep it a secret, lie to your parents that you are straight to get them off your back.
No one really needs to know except you, unless you want them to know.

Anyway, good luck. =)

[freehugs]

Thankyou for replying

I really was feeling sorry for myself yesterday! I don't know eh? Things aren't bad at all compared to alot of people go through in life so im lucky, i know that..

Thankyou again for replying
xxxxxx

[lilangel!]

Hey, its me :P
I compltely understand what your going through, but as DeadlySin said, your happiness is the most important thing here. And it is wrong that you have to be straight for others to be happy, but I know what you mean.
Its not fair that your family are treating you like this, but it could be becase theyve never expeienced anything like this.
If you do end up with a girlfriend, maybe dont mention anything to them until its serious and even then try not to say too much cause it might be wierd for them. My mum was like that with my ex gf. After a while she started to understand more.
It might help if you tell them that if theres anything there curious/interested in that they can ask you questions? Justa thought
Some bi people end up marrying guys and having children, others end up with girls and civil partnerships and adoption. It all depends on who youfall in love with.
With regards to the ex-boyfriend, you may be right, he might find it hard to be with you while your deciding if your actually gay and if it turns out that way, then theres a good chance he will end up getting hurt. So maybe wait a while?
Yeah, when I came out I didnt know any gay/bi/trans people, but now, I know a lot more. Theres a fair few peple at my 6th form who are gay, most of them guys. And I know a few from nights out
BUT, you are not alone we, especially me, my disabled, english friend, are here for you so dont worry about that

Good luck

Hannah xx

[freehugs]

Hi Hannah

Ahaaa, sorry for the million messages i've left you!

Mmm i'd love to tell them they can ask me anything, but bringing it up again scares me too much and im worried it'll just cause more hurt or they'll think im rubbing it in thier faces (mums words!).

Waiting sounds like a good plan, he's a really good friend of mine and i don't want anything to mess that up..

Ahh thats where i'm going wrong! I need to get out more Hahaaa, i really don't get out much, im a rather sad excuse for a teenager!

Thankyou for replying and not getting really freaked out
Katherine xxx

[lilangel!]

Hahaha dont worry :P
I know what you mean, maybe wait a little bit and then just randmly mention it and change the topic straight away
Lol, to be honest, I was like that before I went out the first time, and now I love it haha.
But I think its a timing thing, wait and see how you feel in a few months. You might feel alot more comfortale with being bisexual, I know that was the case for me, made it a lot easier

Hannah xxx

[faded_tears]

hey i am lisa 19 from UK also, things arn't that easy being bisexual in the UK, i know that...........if u wanna chat pm me :-)

[freehugs]

Mmm tell me about it!
Will do Lisa, thankyou