to date or not to date????

[asdfinfatuation]

Kay so, im not straight, I like this definition better than gay because it gives me more freedom, but im not out and recently there has been this guy i like in my school which is gay and out, we talked, he figured me out and he asked me out, the problem is I don’t think im ready to be out in school or in my house and I don’t think it would be fair to date someone in secret. Even if he is ok with dating in secret I don’t think I would feel right, and I also don’t think I would have the strength to come out without dating someone first. So I got my self a little paradox, afraid of dating without being out, and afraid of being out without dating. i have asked god so much for me to like a guy that actually likes me back and now that he has given me what i wanted i dont know what to do what would you do in my situation ??? do you think its ok to date in secret??

[Soliloquy]

Hey there,

I think when it comes to 'in the closet' dating, it's all down to personal preference. Some people are perfectly fine about being secretive about their relationships, while others don't quite feel comfortable. I think it's important to consider your feelings about this. I understand how thrilling it must be to have another guy like you back. But if you don't want to come out just yet, and you think this will take a toll on your relationship, this is definitely something you should take into account.

On the other hand, dating can be a great experience. There is the possibility, like you stated, that it would give you more incentive to come out to others. However, let me just say this: I don't think it's a good idea to come out before you are absolutely sure you are ready. Don't come out simply to please someone else, as that could end uncomfortably for you. Also, please keep in mind that you don't necessarily HAVE to date someone in order to know what your sexuality is. You can know having dated several guys, or you can know having dated no guys. Everyone discovers this part of himself at a different time. So, not dating someone when you first come out should not undermine the legitimacy of it.

You may just need some time to yourself to think things through and come to terms with your sexuality more. Then, maybe you will someday find yourself in the position of feeling ready to do both things simultaneously - date someone and come out at the same time - or separately. No matter what, I think it's important to check with yourself and sure you are 100% certain that this is what you want to do and that you are okay with any possible outcomes, positive or negative.

I hope this helps! Take care!

[asdfinfatuation]

im already planing to come out after i leave for college having dated or not, frankly i think you hit the mark when you said maybe i have to wait until im more comfortable with my self first, but my gratest issue would be the unwanted attention an open gay relationship would bring. i dont think i would be able to handle it just yet, and i wouldn't think it would be fair for him having to hide it. the last thing i want to do is hurt him because im not ready what i think i will do is wait a couple of weeks get to know him better and if my feeling grow deeper for him than i think i would be able to handle a temporarily hidden relationship and come out in my own pace.
thanks for the response it really helped set some thoughts in my head and get some things straight, so to speak

[Charlie1230]

That's a hard question. If you like the guy then you should date in secret. But also if it doesn't make you feel right then don't date yet. It's a really hard kind of thing to deside.

[darkangeljbm]

talk to him about it i am sure he well understand i had the same thing happen to me in middle school