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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
PoeticZoe Offline
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Name: Zoe Alexi
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Unhappy Not what I expected - November 3rd 2010, 07:00 PM

So last night I told my parents I was experimenting with transsexuality, and they were just shocked and surprised. My dad was a bit doubtful that's why he was more okay with it but my mom was just shocked she said she had in mind how my life would be and how I would go on to collage, I told her I'm still going to collage. She's not as accepting as my dad but I'm giving it time but I have a nagging feeling that if I just ignore my feelings and stay male if will make my parents more happy, so I don't know what to do....

-Zoe (or should it be Zach...)
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Ancora Imparo Offline
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Re: Not what I expected - November 3rd 2010, 07:21 PM

Hey Zoe,

I'm going to start by saying well done on talking to your parents about the way you're feeling right now, I understand how difficult it is to approach something like this and you should be super proud of yourself for doing so. I suppose right now your parents are in shock and they don't really know what to say or what to think so for now they probably just need some time to think things through and with time I'm sure they will come around. The thing is, people dismiss things that they don't understand or that they are uneducated on so maybe you can help them understand when they're ready by answering any questions that they may have or even giving them resources to read and check out. At the end of the day, although you may think they're not reacting so well right now, all a parent want is for their child to be happy and if they see this is what makes you happy then within time they will accept it because a parents love is suppose to unconditional. As for you, I always tried to dismiss the way I was feeling but the more I did that the more miserable I become until the point that I just couldn't take it anymore. You shouldn't stop becoming or being the person that you feel you are just to please other people. I think it comes down to whether you're willing to jeopardize your own self love for the love of others. If you ever want somebody to talk to then feel free to PM me at anytime as I'm always more than happy to listen and talk about things, plus there are some really great male-to-female trans people on YouTube that you may find helpful watching their videos and stuff so if you would like some links to them then feel free to message me at anytime. I hope that you're feeling better soon.

Take care.





When we're lost in the madness, kindness is wisdom.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Hiraeth Offline
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Re: Not what I expected - November 3rd 2010, 07:24 PM

Making other people happy at the expense of your own values will not, ultimately, make you happy - many do wait until they start college and/or a life of their own before acting on their identification as trans because the social consequences tend to not be as severe - but there are countless stories of how people spent many years of their life in denial, hoping their feelings would go away, and in the end finding the courage to accept them - starting from scratch in mid-age. You don't want to end up like that - in fact, you are fortunate to have obtained awareness so early.

It sounds like your mother's worried - correct me if I'm wrong - about the social consequences. What she probably doesn't realize is that it does get easier in many ways - as an older person, you'll have access to social and medical resources that you wouldn't as a high school student. You can pick and choose whom to associate with, unlike in high school, the community at large is very very diverse and you will meet other people like yourself. Many whom transition early on do so very successfully - becoming integrated and socially accepted as the other sex - it is all doable. Plus, the older you are, the more others tend to take you seriously, and not shrug it off as 'just a phase'.

What other people think doesn't matter hun. The only way one can ever be happy with oneself, is to know when to wisely disregard the opinions of others. You are the only one that should have the right of veto in your life choices, because it's your life.
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Re: Not what I expected - November 3rd 2010, 08:24 PM

Hey there,

It's always going to be hard for parents to understand it when their child isn't completely straight edge. They might find it hard to understand and accept for a while, but they will come around in time. Just be yourself and enjoy life how it is.

Take care.



   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
PoeticZoe Offline
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Re: Not what I expected - November 4th 2010, 08:26 AM

Thanks all of you my dad being a very important man was able to get me the best gender therapist in state. My mom cried a lot today and I feel it's my fault.
   
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Maloo Offline
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Re: Not what I expected - November 4th 2010, 08:34 AM

You can't let your mother make you feel guilty because of the way you're feeling. You don't choose the way you feel. Keep your head up
   
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Re: Not what I expected - November 7th 2010, 10:41 AM

Is your mother very religious. When my friend came out as gay to his mother, she was terribly upset because her religion teaches that homosexuality is sinful. There maybe something like that going on with your mother. Also, your parents have your best interests at heart and they just want you to have an easy and happy life, and if your transgendered, then (especially while you're in high-school) your life will probably be harder than if you conformed to 'straight'. I'm sure they'll come to accept it, but you just need to give them time. It must be hard for them when their little boy tells them he feels he's a girl. After all, they've known you as a boy for fourteen years.

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