the beautiful freak of nature

[will was here]

Ever since i was a little kid I've wanted to be a girl. I would play with dolls and pretend to be people I wasn't and It all was ok. until my family began giving me crap like your to old to do those things, or boy's are supposed to like football!. I was a girl for halloween. I had never been so happy in my life. for once I felt like I fit in this world and I was more confident. thing is I don't know how boys work. I know I look like one on the outside but I don't feel like one on the inside. Every crush I've had I ended up feeling like my heart was crushed in a dumpster. Like I'm not good enough. I feel like I'm trapped in this beast of a body and cant get out. I'm always trying to get thinner even though I'm already thinner than most boys my age. I know that it wont make me any less man-looking but I'm obsessed. I want to escape all of this! I want to stop feeling like an idiot when I talk about this stuff. but my family is in charge of every little thing I do. I cant be who I want, because I cant dress how I want, and it's as if the whole world rejects me. I feel like a beautiful freak of nature.

[Ancora Imparo]

Hey there,

I'd like to start off by saying that I think it's really brave of you to be able to talk about the way you're feeling, I know that I have a hard job talking about my feelings so you should be super proud of yourself.

I think it's really important for you to be the person you feel you are and to be the person that makes you truly most happy. I understand that family can be a tough subject over something like this because there are people who don't understand gender issues and rather than educate themselves on it they just dismiss it instead. However, at the end of the day you can't pick your family and they're suppose to love you unconditionally and even though they may be unsure at first about the way you're feeling once they see how happy it makes you that you're finally being the person you feel you are then they will come to terms with things and slowly but surely accept it for what it is. I know you said that you feel as if your family control everything that you do but I believe that you should do what's best for you because from the moment you enter this world till the day you leave, people will come and go from your life and the only person you will always have is you so it's important that you're happy.

Maybe you could start by seeing a councillor to talk about how you're feeling? This way you could talk about what's on your mind to somebody who isn't going to judge you and who isn't going to tell your family because everything you tell them is confidential unless they believe that you're in danger. They will probably be able to give you some resources and point you in the right direct for things that may be able to help you out.

I see on your profile it says that you're 17, obviously at the moment you can't do much without parential consent but once you turn 18 you're free to do as you please whether your family like it or not so you're able to do what you believe is best for yourself.

If you ever want somebody to talk to then feel free to PM me anytime as I'm always more than happy to listen, talk or send some resources your way for you to look at.

I hope that I've been able to help and that things get better for you.

Take care and stay strong.

[PoeticZoe]

Hey Will,

When in doubt think it out, then think it out again, then maybe a third time. Then try it, nothing wrong with experimentation if it feels right do it, just don't let others slow you down, and do what you feel is right.

-Zoe