Confused?

[SJaySmile]

So I've been kind of hesitant to post something here because I'm so nervous about anything like this.... Okay, so, I'm confused. I've liked guys before, and I think I've liked girls before. And I'm not really sure what makes you lesbian or bi or anything like that. I had a best friend that was bi and when she first officially told me, she was talking to me about it. She's the only person that I've ever known personally that's my age that is bi. We're not friends anymore so I can't talk to her about this. I can't talk to my family about it. My sister might be okay with it, because she stands up for bi/gay/lesbian people, but I think it would be different with me. My brothers are afraid people like that. And I don't know about my parents... Basically, I just want to know what would make someone gay or lesbian or bi. I don't really know much about anything so I thought I should ask because I've been wanting to know for sure. And I'm nervous.. Thanks...

-SJay

[Soliloquy]

Hey there,

It's perfectly okay to be confused! You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to come post here. That's really great!

I wish I could tell you exactly what it is that makes someone bi, lesbian, or pan. I'm not going to say it's as simple as "You like girls, you like both, or you don't care either way," because in reality, it's not like that. Sexuality is complex and most of the time, it's not nearly as black or white as people assume it is. Some straight people have liked individuals of the same gender before, just as some gay people have liked individuals of the opposite gender before. What it really comes down to is personal preference and what feels right to you. Although there are LGBT stereotypes, there is no list of specific traits that a lesbian has to possess in order to be a "legitimate" lesbian. Some people may try to convince you otherwise, but don't believe them for a minute! You know who you are better than anybody else!

As for your family, try not to fret too much until you know that it's even necessary for you to come out. Even if you are bi, remember that you don't have to tell anyone straight away. You can wait as long as you feel comfortable. Some people wait until they've moved out to tell their families. It's completely up to you and how you think they would react. If you believe they'd react poorly, then maybe it's better to keep it to yourself until you're in the clear, out of the house.

Take care and best of luck!