I don't know what I am

[confusedpuddle]

My first kiss was with a girl, and I still have flashbacks to that moment and feel disgusted with myself, but I'm not homophobic, I'm just not..
My best friend is, and the majority of my friends are
And me and some friends got a bit drunk last night and I kissed one of the girls quite a few times, and it just felt 'normal' but looking back I'm so ashamed of myself..
I think I like girls too my friends/dad would hate me if I did..
How am i supposed to know whether I do or not?!??!

[Celestial.]

Hi Grace.

It sounds like you've got a lot going on in your mind, so it's good you decided to reach out to us. Before we begin, is there anyone else you can talk to? Any of your friends, or a family member? Even a counsellor? Sometimes all it takes is an outside opinion to help you figure things out, and that's usually best given by someone close to you.

Do you mind me asking why you think you're ashamed of having kissed girls? You say you're not homophobic, so perhaps it's just that you feel ashamed because you know people might disapprove of it, or think badly of you if they knew. In which case it should be their problem, not yours. It could also be that you're just uncomfortable with the idea that you might be attracted to girls.

I can't tell you what your orientation is, or even how you can definitely figure it out. I can give you some tips, but the rest is up to you. Have you ever kissed a boy? If you have, how does it compare to kissing a girl? Does one feel better than the other? Can you picture yourself in a relationship with a boy, girl, or both?

And in terms of attraction, it's possible you're attracted to girls, or guys, or both. Or this could just be a phase. Can you remember having many crushes on both genders, or one more than the other? Does the thought of being with a guy make you happy or excited? How does the thought of being with a girl compare?

It may take some reflection on your part, or maybe even experimentation, and probably some time. It's not something you need to figure out right away, and it's not something you have to be open about with everyone. If you want, you can keep it to yourself. It's your business, and doesn't have to be theirs. It's not even something you have to put a name to. If you want to be with a girl, then don't let anything hold you back. If you'd rather be with a guy, that's perfectly fine too.

I wish you all the best.

[TheCrowing]

Be yourself, don't stress, live your life, and give yourself time. Just go with the flow and don't be ashamed of how you feel/your actions in that situation. It's normal and only time can tell you really how you feel about it.

[colorherworldxo]

I went through that too. And it's really hard to decide on what to do. All you can really do is keep your options open if you end up falling in love with a guy then that's great but if at one point you see yourself falling in love with a girl, well then take it day by day. I always thought that everyone would hate me and disown me if they ever found out. Yes, I lost some friends. But how good of a friend is someone if they won't accept you for who you are. I thought my parents and grandparents would disown me but they didn't. I didn't give them enough credit. There's always that situation where you lose family because of it and it's a hard truth but you can't help who you love and if a family member is so offended by that, that they disown you then they were never really family at all.

So there is really no advice on this. I can't tell you what to do because it's your life and your journey. But i can offer to be available if you ever need someone to talk to who has been there before and who has lived through it and came out happier than ever. Just be strong and trust your instincts. <3

[Enchanted ❧]

Hey grace,
For starters welcome to TeenHelp, I hope that you enjoy being here.
Secondly NEVER let what someone feels about you, determine who you are. The only person that you need to impress is yourself. Kissing a girl is natural, for some people, and completely opposite for others. I think the best advice that I can give you, is to follow your heart. The best thing you can do for yourself, is to be true to yourself. If that means being with a girl then so be it. Take sometime to figure out who"grace" is. No one else can do this for you. It is up to you, and you alone. We can only guide you so far. The number one thing to remember during this journey, is what makes you happy. Don't be so quick to label yourself, as long as your happy there is no need for a label.

Best of Luck,
Trish

[ChrisB]

Hi there Grace.
Welcome to TeenHelp, I am glad that you felt safe enough to open up to us, I know sometimes it can be very scary!
I am going to have to agree with Trish on this one. Please NEVER EVER let how someone else feels determine who you are and how you live your life. I can tell you from personal experience that in the end it only will make things harder, I would hate to see anything like that happened. My favorite quote "Go confidently in the direction of YOUR dreams, live the life YOU have imagined" That is my favorite quote and you see, this is your life, you live it. Do not be in a rush to figure out who you are, just let life happen, live life to the fullest.
The best advice I can think of is to do what makes YOU happy, if you do not you may regret it. Like Tris said, if you want to be with a girl be with a girl. If you want to be with a guy be with a guy. Just make sure you are happy!

Best of luck sweetie, if you need anything my PM and VM are always open

Chris

[confusedpuddle]

Wow, first of all I just want to say, thank you all so much! It was so difficult for me to write about this but I am so glad I did… Chris, I love your quote, it really helped me to realise that I shouldn’t behave and live in certain ways to please others, it’s just not who I am to pretend like I’m not okay with being with girls. I know I can’t just figure out who I ‘am’ immediately, it’s going to take a long time but I think I’m heading in the right direction. I don’t think I’m ready to start talking to my friends/family about this, just in case I keep changing my mind! But I’m hoping they’ll accept me, whatever I decide to do and I’ve realised that if people don’t like who you are then they weren’t exactly good friends to start off with.
Sidhe, I think I’m ashamed of having kissed girls because I don’t want my friends to think differently of me, or be uncomfortable around me, because I have a really, really close relationship with my best friend and I’d rather keep that and be unsure of myself than lose it :/ I don’t know! I have kissed boys before, I’ve had tonnes of stupid and meaningless relationships that never last long but I don’t feel any difference between kissing a boy and a girl?! I have thought about being in a relationship with a girl before but what if I got in to one and messed it up?! When I think about being with a boy/girl there’s no difference, I still feel happy and apprehensive in a good way but almost everybody around me seems to think male and female relationships are the only ‘normal’ thing… I recently admitted to three of my closest friends that my first kiss was with a girl and they were all quite shocked, but not disgusted or anything, so fingers crossed if I drop any more bombshells on them they’ll react in the same way!
Once again, thank you all so much for your kind words and advice, I really REALLY appreciate it <3
Oh, and I have actually met a girl, so who knows what could happen!

[harley]

It is compleatly ok to feel weird about all of this. You wont know right away if your tou are bi, gay or straight youll know when you know (i know that is is fustrating) it just takes time and time is the best way to figure things out