Coming out to my roommate

[alixthetree]

First off, I'm a freshman in college (not that that matters) and we have about 5 weeks left. I'm considering telling my roommate (who has also become like my best friend here) that I'm bi (which I'm now even questioning towards les).

I'm not really sure how to go about doing it though. I know she has other friends that are LGBT but because I'm her roommate I feel like it'll be different. I don't have feelings for her, I value her as a friend and that's not something I want to lose (so it's not a line I'm willing to cross).

I just don't know exactly what to do. Part of me feels like go ahead and tell her but then the other says wait because I'm just going to have to tell my new roommate (who is also my cousin) next year.

Anyone have any advice?

[Out of the dark.]

Well, I told my roommate the first day or so that we met, but it helps that she is questioning her own sexuality. It's totally up to you. You don't have to tell her, you really don't have to tell anyone until you are ready. Don't rush into labeling yourself, just give it time. If you don't think in the next few weeks that you'll be having a girl sleep over, then you really don't need to tell her about it. It's your choice.
Take care.

[alixthetree]

I don't feel like I'm rushing into anything. The first time I told anyone was about 5 years ago, so I know for sure that I am bi. And I've always kinda considered telling her but now I have someone that I'm interested in, and I want to live more openly (though my parents don't know). I feel like this would help open some doors. and like I would have someone here to talk about it with.

[Ancora Imparo]

Hey Alix,

Well here's the thing, I believe that the fact that you only have five weeks left probably works in your favour in this situation. I would just go ahead and tell her to be honest, you said that she is like your best friend there and that she has friends in the LGBT community so she sounds like an accepting person who would be okay with it. I think it's so much better to just jump in, do something and know the outcome rather than spend so much of your life thinking "what if I had done that?" or "what if I had done this?" because at the end of the day, life is too short.

The fact that you only have five weeks left is a pretty good thing because at least if she isn't too great about it then you don't have to spend all that much more time around her so it's not like you're stuck in a sticky situation for a long time. You could even wait a few more weeks until you tell her so it would be awkward for an even less amount of time! Although I'm pretty sure everything would be okay, I've got good feelings about this girl.

I really hope that this has helped you in one way or another and if you would like to talk further at all then feel free to either PM or VM me whenever as I'm always more than happy to talk or help when I can.

Take care and good luck!

[Celestial.]

Hey Alix.

It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought, and I applaud the fact you're not rushing into anything.

If you're so close to your roommate, why do you think you're hesitating? Do you think she'll take it badly? Is it just that you're not sure how to tell her? If you have any really serious doubts, then it might be better to hold off, but if you can dismiss/deal with your doubts, then you may find the decision is made for you.

You could just be upfront and tell her, or write her a letter. Invite her to ask questions, and explain that you're telling her because you trust her, not because you're attracted to her. Make it clear that you don't want things to change, and you hope it won't affect your friendship. Since there's only five weeks left, even if she does take it badly, that's not long to have to deal with that, so maybe it's worth it.

Just because you'll have to tell your cousin doesn't mean you shouldn't tell this roommate. If you want to tell her, go for it. Coming out can be a liberating experience, and might bring you two closer. It would also mean you wouldn't have to feel like you're hiding something, and you can be more yourself. Having someone to talk about things like this with can be very helpful, and if she happens to be that person, that's great.

Overall, I'd say weigh the pros and cons. Why should you tell her? Why shouldn't you? Which list is more convincing? You don't have to decide right away, so take some time and think about it.

I wish you all the best.

Let us know how it goes!

[alixthetree]

Originally Posted by Sidhe.

If you're so close to your roommate, why do you think you're hesitating? Do you think she'll take it badly? Is it just that you're not sure how to tell her? If you have any really serious doubts, then it might be better to hold off, but if you can dismiss/deal with your doubts, then you may find the decision is made for you.

I think I'm hesitating mostly because only very few people know. And a couple weeks ago, my campus did a screening of the documentary Bullied. After they did a couple activites and one of them was that you had a star. You put your name in the middle, a friend or family member on one point, a teacher or RA on another, a club or org on a third, someone that you care about on the fourth, and a dream on the fifth. The person I put on my first one was her and in the activity we had come out to that person and I had to tear the point off (as in she totally didn't accept it). I had to do that with a couple of my other points as well.

I think if I end up telling her, I'm going to try a letter. Something I can just leave for her to read while I'm not in the room.

[alixthetree]

So I've decided to hold off on telling my roommate because I feel like it's something I should tell my mom first. Also that way I'll hopefully have someone I can go to if things go wrong with my roommate.

I'm in the process of trying to write her a letter.
I hope I'm making the right decision.