Bisexuality, as hard as homosexuality was years ago

[ThePunkAlien]

I know this might be a really difficult subject to approach, but I think it absolutely needs to be. Ever since coming out and reading more as a bisexual guy, I've felt this alarming depression and wondering when it's going to end. Much like 'Prayers for Bobby' described - it's like I'm getting lost in quicksand and there's no way out. I am not alone.

Years ago homosexuals were afraid to walk down the streets. Many committed suicide, they still do - but back then the rates were higher. They were told they didn't exist. That it was unnatural that a man could ever love another man. I even believe some scientists tried to disprove their existence. They questioned what was wrong with them. What they did wrong.They were even thrown off sports teams, once outed.

Today? That stigma for homosexuals has noticeably decreased. Bisexuals, however, face that same very problem today. I hate to say this, but it's because both sides are vocally against us. We are the new "out" group. The suicide rate shows that bisexuals are more likely than their gay or lesbian counterparts to end their lives rather than go on living in a world that's openly against us.

Canadian study, suicide rates:

34.8% bisexual men
25.8% gay men
45.4% bisexual women
29.5% lesbian

Okcupid

65-75% bisexual men
61-63% gay men
79-83% bisexual women
74-80% lesbian women

Canadian Report

OK Cupid Report

Staggering reports, no?

This is mainly because we feel there's no group to go to that will completely support us. Heterosexuals throw the same homophobia that they do towards homosexuals towards us. Homosexuals continue the myth "bi now, gay later" without considering the implications this has, nor if that was the case there'd be "bi now, straight later" since 1/3 of bisexuals start off gay. Scientists are trying to disprove we exist. I even heard of LGBT sports teams that disbarred bisexuals and wouldn't accept "we like both" as an answer. Bisexuality doesn't even appear on google, check it for yourself. We're continually being ignored and shunned. This is the world bisexuals live in.

Bisexuality isn't a choice. Imagine a world where people are telling you not to act on your instincts of finding a guy attractive or being drawn to him because it's wrong and you have a choice not to. This is the same thing being asked of bi people today. We can't help who we like. Asking us to choose is exactly like asking you to refrain from your natural inclinations.

How would you like to be told being gay doesn't exist? What would that do to your psyche? That's not around today, granted, just homophobia - but it once was. Because of this many bisexuals start to wonder what's wrong with them. After all we see a lot of people telling us we're wrong, that we don't exist, further disrupting our psyche. The same thing homosexuals once faced.

Look no further than youtube to see bisexuals getting bashed openly by both gay and straight a like. When bisexuals do try to defend themselves, we're often told we "have it better" than gay people because of our 'heterosexual privilege' - we lose this the second we come out, just like you do. If we actually do have it better: why do bisexuals have a higher suicide rate? Look at those statistics once again.

Don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying it isn't hard for homosexuals nor that all are like this. Just today? Being bisexual is actually harder. We face the same homophobia, our heterosexual privilege similarly disappears, and the same problems homosexuals once faced we now face today.

All I'm asking is to not be treated like a second-rate citizen that "doesn't know better." For many of us that binary kicked in when puberty did. We didn't ask for it. We didn't want it. We just are. The same prosecution homosexuals once faced for being "near invisible" seems to be the same prosecution bisexuals face today.

Once again - check those stats, up to 75% bisexual men have thought about or have committed suicide, whereas only 63% of gay men have thought about or committed suicide. It seems to be more 'acceptable' among women, but women still face difficulties.

Do your part in ridding the world of biphobia before more lives are lost.

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

Originally Posted by ThePunkAlien

Once again - check those stats, up to 75% bisexual men have thought about or have committed suicide, whereas only 63% of gay men have thought about or committed suicide. It seems to be more 'acceptable' among women, but women still face difficulties.

I'm a bi girl, and in my opinion the only reason that it's more acceptable for women is because men like watching girls together.

I'm not confused, I don't want to best of both worlds and I am not about to cheat on my partner. I don't understand how some people find this so hard to believe.

[Sythan]

I disagree about it being harder,

LGBTQ Share the same hate and biggotry as eachother. Being Bisexual is certainly not harder than being Gay, nor is being Gay harder than being Bisexual. Gays and Lesbians get flack from both sides, same as Bisexuals. Some Gay and Lesbian people hate other Gay/Lesbian people becuase they don't "Fit In" to the sterotypic Gay lifestyle. It's representative of all LGBTQ, not just one specific category.

The whole "We were born this way", I had to laught at that as being "Captain Obvious" no offense. Gays and Lesbians don't choose it either, you made it sound like it was special for Bisexuals only. Infact the entire post mirrors all of the LGBTQ Community.

Perhaps it is becuase Bisexual people let the hatred get to them, and that's what causes such high stats. Gays and Lesbians have decided "Fuck it, we're proud of who we are and know that we cannot change, we won't stand by any longer nor will we let your hatred and biggotry affect us."

I am not denying there are some within the community that feel the way you posted, but Bisexuality is widely regarded and accepted by the Gay Community, which is why you have the "B" in "LGBTQ". While some little pockets of Bisexual haters exist, they are very small in regards to the Gay Community at large.

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

Originally Posted by Sythan

LGBTQ Share the same hate and biggotry as eachother.

I guess this is true, although the reasons I posted aren't necessarily compatible with gay/lesbians. I think all hate needs to stop.

[ThePunkAlien]

Sythan interesting that you bring up that first point. I thought discrimination from within would only be a bisexual thing. But, I guess that comes from not being in the gay side of things and not knowing about "gay hating other gays." I definitely think it would be better if we all become more accepting then, rather than the whole X-Men vs. the Brotherhood vs. the humans angle. Basically, uniting more and trying to put differences firmly behind.

Actually with the second point you got exactly what I was going for. Some of the labels placed on us such as being "fence-sitters" and being told by some to "choose" a side is exactly the same. Thus, why I don't understand why some gay people telling bisexuals to choose a side, when they themselves are sometimes told by straight people that they chose to be that way, makes 'sense.'

The more dramatic stats, still on the Canadian research page, shows however that this extends to financing and poverty... unsure exactly what's going on there...

[bitesize]

I don't think that bisexuals get MORE hate than gay&lesbian people, but I think people need to be made aware that we actually gte a lot more abuse than they think. People seem to not realise how difficult it can be to be bisexual. I'm not saying that it's more difficult than being gay, I've never been gay, I don't know. But it certainly is very difficult. I've had the 'phase' lecture, I've had the 'just looking for attention' lecture, I've had the 'well if you like both but you prefer guys to girls you're obviously still striaght' lecture, often from my friends, who would honestly be more accepting if I was a lesbian, not a bisexual. I know that my parents wouldn't mind if I was gay, but I think they think that I'm just imagining being bisexual. It jsut seems that if you're gay people in the world today ~ well most people, and mostly where I live as well ~ will accept that without a lot of problems, but if you say you're bisexual they just won't take you seriously.

[Greyhoundredux]

I'd have to disagree. Where I live is all I can really speak for though.

Being Bi is totally and completely accepted. Some people even pretend to be Bi. Now there is limited prejudice against homosexuals as well; most people don't really care.
Being Bi is like being in the clear zone. Then you're not 'weird' for being a homosexual, but you're confident enough with yourself to be open? That's just kind of the way it works.

Oh twisted society

[LittleMissOneBigMess]

I don't think its harder to be bisexual than to be gay/lesbian/transgendered, i think every different sexuality has there hard times, and biggotry towards them but i do think that bisexuals get different abuse, like we are just a bunch of sluts, or were going through a phase, or we just need to pick one. I think people are discrimanatory against bi's because we don't just like one gender, where as gays and straights both like one specific gender, I think some people have more issues if your bi/trans/pan ect, than if you are gay. I know people who don't believe someone can be bisexual but strongly believe in gay rights, so I think it's just more confuzing for people, where as being straight or gay, you like one gender and you know that, where as being bi means you don't know what you want, or your just a whore, or you can't decide, you're confuzed ect. People don't like what they don't understand, its a human trait, unfortunatly. I've seen gay people who hate and discrimanate against bi's because they believe we should just make up our minds. I think anyone who is different experiences bullying. Unfortuantly its true. I don't know, i think people don't clearly understand that you can like both genders and not be confuzed, you can still know who you are and who you want just as much as a straight or gay person.

[Soliloquy]

Originally Posted by us kids know.

Some people even pretend to be Bi.

I think this is where bisexuality has lost a lot of its credibility in people's eyes. They see all these kids running around pretending to like both genders and they jump to the conclusion that all bisexuals are like that. It's not true, naturally, but many think it is.

I'm not sure it's harder to be bisexual, but I agree that it is definitely hard. I'm gay, I've never been bi, so I can't really say which faces more discrimination. But from my perspective, most problems are relative. Everybody goes around comparing their lives to each other's when in reality, there's nothing to compare. We all have our hardships, and my problems aren't worse than yours. They're just different.

That is my personal opinion. I do see where you are coming from, though. People who are gay may get told that they aren't gay, but it's rare that they're told that their sexuality doesn't even exist. Some people believe that bisexuality is made up and that you're either straight or gay. Bisexuals also get a lot of flack for being so-called "fence-sitters" (it's a bit like the agnostic vs. atheistic/theistic debate).

I can't tell you what's going on with the statistics. In my opinion, it isn't really relevant what sexuality the people were; what matters is that lives are being lost. But perhaps some people who are bisexual feel more conflicted because they like both genders? I can't say. But I hope those stats go down sometime in the near future.

Thanks for your post! It was very interesting!

[ShadowDancing]

I've heard people saying how being bi is just an "easy way out" so people "don't have to choose". I think it falls under the same as being gay, lesbian, or straight: You don't pick what gender you like, whether it's male, female, or both.

Unfortunately, the only thing society is 100% equal about is giving every type of person a chance to be bashed for who they are.

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

Originally Posted by Eblouie

I think this is where bisexuality has lost a lot of its credibility in people's eyes. They see all these kids running around pretending to like both genders and they jump to the conclusion that all bisexuals are like that. It's not true, naturally, but many think it is.

I find it very hard when I am genuinely bi and I see my friends one moment saying they're bi, the next day they're straight again. I've just kept quiet, because the people who say they're bi usually aren't and it's very confusing.

[SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever]

One thing I HATE is when my grandma told me that since I (at the time) am dating a girl, I am a lesbian and when I am dating a guy, I am apparently straight This is frustrating because I am NOT straight nor am I gay/lesbian, I am BISEXUAL

[mano95]

Some days, it seems like my mother doesn't believe that bisexuality exists. It does; I know. I'm bi. And I love my girlfriend. But yes, I also like guys. It is very hard some days, since people do seem to think bisexuality doesn't exist, but as others have mentioned, I have never been lesbian, so I can't really tell if it is harder to be bi or gay.

I found an article from a few years ago about whether or not bisexuality is real in men, I figured I should share: http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/reports/070505NYTBisexuality.pdf

And for people reading this thread but don't know much about bisexuality, here's a link to an article dispelling the myths: http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/reports/BisexualityDispellingtheMyths.pdf

By the way, www.thetaskforce.org is a very good website for LGBT people or those who are interested in learning more about it.

[Kira-Kira]

wow i never thought of it that way im bi and ppl always tell best of both worlds boys and girls but i dont take it that way first all the thoughts how will ppl accept us but i agree just because someone is gay and other is bi they still go thourgh the same things different ways my cousins are lesbiam 2 of them and im bi i think we went through the same steps my cousin tell her parents me trying to of course she is older but this is good to put out there
wanted to throw this in
Label accuracy
Like other queer sexualities, bisexuality has been heavily discriminated against; most of the discrimination has surrounded the application of the word "bisexual" and scrutiny of the bisexual identity as a whole. The belief that bisexuality does not exist is common in society, and stems from two views. In the heterosexist view, people are presumed to be attracted to the opposite sex and it is sometimes reasoned that only heterosexuality truly exists. In the monosexist view, people are either exclusively homosexual (gay/lesbian), exclusively heterosexual (straight), closeted homosexual people who wish to appear heterosexual,[11] heterosexuals who are experimenting with their sexuality,[12][13][14] or cannot be bisexual unless they are equally attracted to both sexes.[15]
The belief that one cannot be bisexual unless equally sexually/and or romantically attracted to both sexes is disputed by various researchers, who have shown bisexuality to fall on an continuum, like sexuality in general.[4][16] Despite this, the belief that bisexuality must involve equal sexual/romantic attraction was further purported in a 2005 study by researchers Gerulf Rieger, Meredith L. Chivers, and J. Michael Bailey,[17] who concluded that bisexuality is extremely rare in men. This was based on results of controversial penile plethysmograph testing when viewing pornographic material involving only men and pornography involving only women. Critics state that this study works from the assumption that a person is only truly bisexual if he or she exhibits virtually equal arousal responses to both opposite-sex and same-sex stimuli, and have consequently dismissed the self-identification of people whose arousal patterns showed even a mild preference for one sex. Some researchers say that the technique used in the study to measure genital arousal is too crude to capture the richness (erotic sensations, affection, admiration) that constitutes sexual attraction.[16] The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force called the study and The New York Times coverage of it flawed and biphobic.[18] FAIR also criticized the study.[19] In 2008, Bailey stated he regretted repeating the notion that people are gay, straight or lying, especially in regards to men. In a new study with the same technology but different recruiting criteria and stimuli, he said he found bisexual genital arousal patterns in men.[20][21]
In 1995, Harvard Shakespeare professor Marjorie Garber made the academic case for bisexuality with her Vice Versa: Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life, in which she argued that most people would be bisexual if not for "repression, religion, repugnance, denial, laziness, shyness, lack of opportunity, premature specialization, a failure of imagination, or a life already full to the brim with erotic experiences, albeit with only one person, or only one gender."[22]

im not saying i fully agree with this just showing how bisexual ppl are treated and being bi or gay is like telling a person there religon is worng thats how i take it would you tell a person their religon is wrong their belief i say no so i wouldnt go around telling them that who they truly love is wrong

[Marguerite]

Well I've never been anything other than what I am (bisexual, and not really 'out') so I can't really give a well thought out comment on the topic but I'll throw my two cents in anyway.

Unfortunately I think it has a lot to do with how you look and act. I used to think being male and gay would probably be harder if you were feminine. It would make you an easy target for yobbos and the like. But then I had a friend who was a totally blokes bloke, a rugby player, mostly friends with guys etc etc come out. Most of the gay guys I knew at the time had friends that were mostly girls and supported him. This guy (lets call him T) suffered a lot because there was this absurd idea that he had been 'pretending' and 'lying to everyone'. Okay, he hadn't been honest, but it wasn't just to 'trick them' or anything. Obviously the true friends stayed, but a lot didn't. I think people handle it easier when people act how we expect them to act, and when someone jumps outside the box and rejects stereotypes it becomes more difficult for us to register. I had this other friend who 'came out' but it was pretty funny because all he ever talked about was Take That and Gossip Girl... we already knew. Nobody actually cared at all. But when T came out everyone wanted to know everything that was going on with him all the time.

In a way I think that might be kind of the reason it's so hard to be a male bisexual. We have this kind of idea that male bisexuals are actually gay and haven't 'come to terms' with themselves yet, and that female bisexuals are faking it for male attention.

A lot of people can't seem to accept the fact that if a man likes other men he isn't prancing around talking about fashion (not that there is anything wrong with that ) so liking girls as well... I guess it just doesn't make sense to a lot of people.

Being a female bisexual is probably the least difficult of all of them (and I say this as one), though I'm not trying to say it's easy. Like I said, people think you're faking a lot or that it's just a phase. Again, it definitely depends how you look and act. I've seen so many attractive popular girls come out as bisexual and have people fully support them. As someone who is not popular, not emo, not anything... just quiet and reserved... I know I wouldn't get the same support as some other people do when they come out as bisexual, though I think it would be taken more seriously than model types who everyone assumes is lying. Like you can't be 'pretty' and bisexual.

At the same time, I definitely don't think bisexuals can fully understand what it's like to be gay, I don't think it's the same struggle at all. Unless I ever meet a girl who I think I want to be with forever... I'm never going to tell my family. And I'm okay with that. Obviously, homosexuals have the option to do that too, but it's cutting out a whole part of your life (and will probably become obvious after a few years of your family never meeting your partners).

I think the best way to put it would just be to say that everyone faces different struggles. Being gay in a really open, liberal home may actually be really easy for some, and being bisexual in a strict catholic home may be a harder experience than what most gay people face... it's really down to individual circumstances rather than orientation. But I'm just rambling, I don't really know what I'm talking about