coming out

[BethGoesRawr]

Hey everyone, I have recently decided that I'm bi-sexual (about three weeks ago).
Just today I have told my best friend (Jade) that I am bi and a couple other close friends.
I have a crush on my best friend and she seemed okay with me being bi so I told her, she is also fine with that.
I just have a bit of a problem with how long I should wait before I tell my mum that I might be bi-sexual. Also how I should tell her.
I'd love to get some advice of you all, boys or girls, this isnt just a female advice perfered thing.
Oh also, feel free to pm/vm me!!!
<3 <3 xo xo xo

[Troubled_Heart]

hello again I seem to be the 1st person commenting on your posts

Coming out is hard, it's one of the most courageous things you'll have to do. There isn't a specific time as to when you come out, it should be done when you are ready and at a time and place you feel comfortable. You shouldn't feel pressured by anyone, and you should think about it carefully, once you've come out, you can't turn back.

How you come out depends on you and your parents. A lot of people come out in a letter, and if you decided to do this you should read through it many times, and check you are comfortable with everything you have written. Giving it to your parents by handing it to them means you will have to watch as they read, if you do not like that idea you should leave it somewhere for them to find, somewhere obvious.

In my opinion, the best way to come out is by saying it, but you might be uncomfortable with words, or not be able to get you parents at a good time, it might be best to do it short and sweet, quick like taking a plaster off. But again, you should say what you are comfortable in saying. Be prepared for questions too, this might be a shock for them and they might want to know more, and as you're young they probably don't know if you're even having sexual feelings.

Coming out can be good, it gives you more freedom in life and stops you from having to keep quiet about who you are. Just think of the consequences, will your parents accept you? you shouldnt wreck your relationship with them or your life at school if you came out there. If you ever need more advice or if I missed something or you have any questions feel free to ask Xxx let me know your desision and how it goes and everything

[BethGoesRawr]

oh thanks
i normally write letters for problems... i used a letter for my self-harm problems and stuff

[BethGoesRawr]

oh i forgot, i have decided to see how the whole bi-sexual thing goes. just to see if its a phase and if in the next 4 to 6 weeks i turn lesbian or straight. just gotta give it some time and see how i feel

[solost10]

time is not going to be able to tell you if your lesbian or straight...

[Soliloquy]

Originally Posted by BethEmoGirl

oh i forgot, i have decided to see how the whole bi-sexual thing goes. just to see if its a phase and if in the next 4 to 6 weeks i turn lesbian or straight. just gotta give it some time and see how i feel

Hi Beth!

It's good that you're giving yourself some time to see how everything goes. Be patient with yourself.

I would like to say, however, that it may take longer than four to six weeks to determine what your sexuality is. Your sexuality may grow and change over a number of years as you get older. With some people, that happens, and that's perfectly okay. If you want to identify as bisexual for the time being, I would say go for it. But if you feel it might change, don't be afraid to identify as something else. Don't think that if you don't turn lesbian or straight in the next four to six weeks that you're guaranteed to be bisexual forever. You could be, but for some people sexuality appears to be fluid. Take your time.

Best of luck!

[razors_and_rosary]

Sexuality changes. It's frustrating and annoying and confusing, but it does.

My main query is how important is knowing to you? For some people such as myself, I feel comfortable with not being able to put a name to it. I find there is too much pressure to define ourselves, and what really matters are your feelings towards others. If you can't know now how you'll feel in a few weeks, you might not know then either.

If you have a crush on your friend, then it's safe to say that you're attracted to one person out of the 6.5 billion or so on the planet. This doesn't mean that you're attracted to all of that sex or gender. You feel for her. Just her. That's what matters, and that's what you should think about.

If you can talk to your mum about your sexuality when you're uncertain of it, then certainly keep her up to date with what you think you are. However, this isn't always the best thing to do. If your mum could react negatively to certain sexualities, if you're not comfortable with defining and re-defining yourself to her, or if you think she won't deal with it changing, then it's better to keep it to people that you trust utterly.

If you want to tell her, how you do it is up to you. If you're uncomfortable with telling her directly, then a letter is a good way to do it. It lets you think carefully about what you're comfortable with saying, and it means she can think about what she's read before she reacts. Handing it to her, as zapparappa said, can be awkward. Make sure she gets it. I leave mine on bed pillows.

If you feel the need to find out her initial reaction because you are worried about how she will take it, telling her directly is the best option. It's up to your feelings how seriously you want to approach the subject. Make sure you're comfortable with the time and place, and explain your reasons for telling her. If you want to discuss it with her, say so. If it's because of your feelings for your friend, say that too. If you feel it's unfair not to tell her, include that. Be clear, and be calm.

Another quieter approach is to not explicitly come out at all. Don't announce it, but don't hide it. You may want to subtly draw attention to it, such as discussing who you find attractive (of whatever sex) whilst you know she can hear, or even just mention it when it fits with the conversation. Whether or not you get an explicit reaction depends on your mum, but you know her best. Think about what suits you, but also consider what fits with your relationship.

I hope I haven't rambled too much. Hope this helps, and best of luck! Let us know how things go
r&r x

[BethGoesRawr]

i counted up how long i had been bi for and ive actually been bi for 11 weeks! lol
i told my mum... she isnt happy... and isnt talking to me

[Loving Linux Penguin]

Hey Beth.

I consider myself bi as well. My advice to you is to not rush yourself into telling anyone else. Preferences can change, and it doesn't hurt to allow yourself time to see where your preferences go over time. Then when you are more sure of this, you can tell people IF you feel the time is right and IF you feel comfortable and safe in doing so.

As for your mom, give her some time too. It can be a shock for some people, she may not be used to the idea. Let me know if you wanna talk.