Second thread about this.

[Eldora]

Apologies beforehand to anyone who's read the other thread I wrote in Relationships & Dating, for me being a slightly repetitive spazzy person.

I still have feelings for the boyfriend I've been dating for two months, I think, otherwise I'd be a lot more willing to break up with him as I'd planned. But any time a girl I like shows me the time of day, it's like my feelings for him are completely gone. But I still enjoy his company. But I still want a girlfriend, too.

1/4 of the time, I think of my boyfriend. But 3/4 of the time, I think about the girl that I've had a crush on for almost a full year, who helped me come to terms with my sexuality, even though she doesn't know she did; I told her I didn't like girls, but I want to tell her that I do, that I not only like girls, that I like her. She's a senior, and next year will be the last I that I get a chance to tell her. She flirted with me all the time last school year, still talks to me, and I got the feeling that she would have asked me to prom, had she been given the chance. I'll never forget the time she drew a mustache on her face and pretended to be a beggar, the light in her eyes or her beautiful, ever-present smile. I won't forget the time she talked to me about the then-girlfriend who punched her and knocked her backward, nor the rage I felt upon hearing those words.

But my boyfriend -- who I have feelings for, though they are quite diminished next to what I feel for her -- is in the way, if I'm ever going to even think about having her. Or any other girl, for that matter. I could much more easily imagine having a girl with me for the rest of my life, than a man.

This relationship feels insignificant. It feels like a game, just playing pretend. I know that if I could be with a girl, someone to protect and to care for who understands me completely, it wouldn't feel like I was treading on eggshells or trying to be something I'm not, for the sake of my family.

It's left me completely confused. I can't break up with my boyfriend until at least the first day of school (because I don't get to see him until then), so I've pretty much stopped talking to him altogether, trying to sort out my thoughts. That makes me feel guilty, not talking to him, when I know he probably misses me.

Help?

[Soliloquy]

Hi Ana,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If your relationship with your boyfriend really feels like this, then I think it's better that you end it. The longer this goes on the, the harder it will be. Maybe you still feel something for him, but I'm inclined to think that it isn't any kind of romantic feeling if it just disappears whenever you're around a girl you like. I would call or text your boyfriend and ask him to get together some time before school starts. That way you're not going the rest of the summer not talking to him and being anxious about it, and he's not going the rest of the summer wondering where you are and why you aren't talking to him. I think it would be easier for both of you.

If you really can't see him until then, maybe you want to let him know that you're busy or need some time to think to yourself and so you can't talk to him as much. I understanding needing the time to sort thoughts out, but I also don't think it's entirely fair to leave him hanging like that. If you just explain that you need some space for a bit, yes, he may fear the worst, but isn't that already coming? At least then you're not frantically trying to ignore his text messages or calls, and he's not stuck wondering why you aren't answering.

Where you still enjoy your boyfriend's company, maybe you want to remain friends. That's something to talk to him about if you do choose to break up, but understand that he may need some time before he's ready for a casual relationship with you. You might even feel the same way. But I think it's better that you end the relationship so you're not leading him on while you're looking at other girls. It might upset him if you break up, but I think it'd be better than letting this go on for much longer.

I hope this helps a little bit! Best of luck!

[Eldora]

Well, I'd arrange for us to meet in real life so I could explain everything to him, but my mom doesn't know anything's up between us, and she's my ride to and from anywhere. If I told her that I needed to talk to him, she'd want to know why I was dumping him -- what mother wouldn't? That'd be rather uncomfortable.

School starts next week, on Thursday. I'll tell him I need to talk to him about something.

The idea of being alone also scares me somewhat. I'm terrified of breaking up with him, and then never being able to be in a relationship again because there are practically no girls around here that are gay or bi, and I know most of them in my grade, and a few in the higher grades. But I know I'm not happy in this relationship, either, and that I shouldn't stay in it.

So, I'm going to take your advice and break up with him. But do you think that it would be wise to explain the whole situation to him? I don't think he'd be capable of it -- he's always seemed nice -- but I don't want to tell him I'm gay, then end up with him telling everyone. He knows my mom, too. Yet I don't want to just say that it's over, and not give him an explanation.