Oh dear...

[Anon E. Mouse]

Okay here it goes: I used to write EVERYTHING down in my journals. I haven't journaled in a year in a half now and here is why: My mom had a nasty habit of going through my room and looking for my journals. That's how she found out that I'm pagan. But thats a whole other kettle of fish.


ANYWAY! She's been treating me differently ever since then. She stiffens/twitches/reacts oddly every time I see a cute girl on TV and say "Wow she's hot." When my sister says the exact same thing it's fine, because she has a boyfriend. (Who is totally bad for her, but I digress)

I had written down in my journals that I think I'm Bi, (which I still believe) and I just don't understand why she's treating me different. I'm still the same oddball!

I want to sit down and talk with her about this, but I'm not sure how to start. She's always saying "I respect the gays and lesbians, so long as they don't try to push their lifestyle on me."

If thats true, the why is she treating me like I'm....diseased?

This post is probably confusing for ya'll but if you can make sense of it, please answer me!

[Liz94]

It does make sense. Parents can find if difficult to know how to support their child who is discvering that they are gay, bi or lesbian. They don't know weather to carry on as normal, give you some space or sit down and talk to you about it. Least thats what my mum told me after I came out as lesbian.

Slip into normal/ general conversation that you would like to chat about it. For example say " I think that people should talk more about sexuality" or just say "mum I want to talk" Then have a list of things you want to say written down which you can have next to you when you talk to your mum. Explain how you know you are Bi or whatever and how you feel she has been treating you.

Anyway I hope this has helped.
Good luck X

[Peri]

Parents tend to need a little bit of time to digest the news that their child is not who they thought they were. Most parents plan out our futures when we're young.. they imagine that we will marry the opposite sex, give them grandchildren... that sort of thing. When they learn that that won't be the case, it can be difficult for them to take in. For example.. most people who learn that they are not heterosexual don't typically accept their sexual/gender identity immediately. Parents are similar in this respect.

Some parents say that they are okay with LGBT+ people, but when it comes to people within their family, they may take a different view. It's not uncommon, so don't worry about it.

My advice to you is to talk to her about how you feel. It might be difficult to begin with, but it generally will be worth it.

Good luck.

[LittleMiss]

To me, the statement '"I respect the gays and lesbians, so long as they don't try to push their lifestyle on me." is really an example of ignorance. It's like saying that being homosexual or bisexual is an ideology or a cult or something and also, it is not a lifestyle. They don't live any differently to anyone else. Anyone who knows anyone in the LGBTQ community would know that no one is going to force their way of life on to anyone else because that's what people constantly try to do to them.

That statement isn't really accepting of LGTBQ at all, it's just a way of saying 'I don't really like it or feel comfortable with it but if it's not in my face, I don't care'.

You really need to sit down with her and find out what she believes and work out what you need to explain to her. Like that being bi only means you're attracted to girls as well as boys. Nothing else. It's not going to change how you live or what you want to do with your life such as education and a career. It's not going to change the way you see your family or your feelings for them.

[Dr.Bobby]

You have accurately titled your post!

Listen, parents say a lot of things that would suggest they are open minded and tolerant about things/people/lifestyles, etc. that are 'different'. But, you know, that's code for "As long as it's not here".

Then, you've got the whole awkwardness of how she found this out, by snooping. That eliminates a real chat between you, so she's stuck with this info we have to assume she was not expecting, and no way to discuss/talk/vent with you about it.

What to do? Well, depending on how uncomfortable her behavior is for you, and depending on how you think she'll respond to a frank chat, you can choose to discuss this. But, don't necessarily expect that to change the awkwardness, unless you're prepared to recant/deny what you wrote, or at least provide some reassurance about being 'unsure', etc.


Needless to say, yours is not the type of household where you should be writing anything down that other prying eyes can find, OR that can cause real trouble for you if the revelations are unexpected.