Dealing with bullies in my family

[Aletheia*]

So, I'm not sure if anyone is aware of this or not, but Chaz Bono (the late Sonny Bono and Cher's son) is on this season of Dancing with the Stars. Chaz was born Chastity Bono, figured out she was transgender and is now FtM. She even went through the grueling surgeries and hormone stuff to make him into a man.

Well, last night while the first episode of the show, my mother and grandmother began talking about him. Saying mean things like "Look at that" or "Look at how fat the he/she is". For someone who is growing up in a time when homosexuality and transgenderism is more accepted, this hurt. I even had to keep correcting them that he was not a she anymore.

This morning, I checked out my Facebook news feed, and seen that my grandma posted something against about anti-bullying on her status. This is what it said:

That girl you just called fat? She's overdosing on diet pills. That girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. That man with the ugly scars? He fought for his country. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying. Put this as you're status if you're against bullying. I bet 95% of you wont re-post , but i'm sure the people with a heart and backbone will.

I think my grandma is being hypocritical, and I want to tell her so. She's against bullying, yet she talks about Chaz and how he is female to male transgendered? It doesn't make any sense to me, and I really want her to know how I feel, yet I don't know how to go about it? Help!

[Dr.Bobby]

Shannon, you know, you're right here. All people, regardless of who or what they are, are simply entitled to live in peace. Only humans don't recognize their own, it often seems.

I can't (and wouldn't) defend grandma here, but being of a different generation myself, what I think might be going on is a simply case of "Comprehension" or understanding brought about by actual experience. "Trans gender" isn't something people of that generation have any frame of reference with! So, your grandma can understand the 'typical' forms of bigotry, and rightly feels a sense of outrage. Things like gender identification are really new, it takes a bit of understanding and acceptance of it before some people can offer the same empathy they do for the more 'traditional' forms of hostility. But, and this is the big, 'But': Your grandma, by showing the awareness that she does about the more 'typical' or 'traditional' forms of prejudice and bigotry also has the capacity for extending that same empathy to gender issues, if someone (*ahem would educate them.

It's not a lack of ability, but rather a lack of experience. That's a far easier thing to address, if you take a more compassionate approach yourself.

Try explaining to her what 'transgender' means and how it affects people, and see if she doesn't respond more favorably.