Holding hands in public... what's the big deal?

[semiunbalanced]

My girlfriend and I get the wonderful opportunity to go to Disneyland every once in a while and when we do we like to hold hands with each other. I mean... we ARE in a relationship after all. Straight couples are holding hands and cuddling and hugging wherever I go and the second I hold hands with my girlfriend in public it's the "WORST THING EVER". It really pisses me off! You know how many guy+girl couples I've seen act all couple-y in line before? Nobody gets mad! Then me and my girlfriend will start being a little flirty (literally as innocent as me poking her, her giggling, and me giggling back because it's cute... then her getting shy) and all I hear behind me is, "Omg do they really need to do that here?" No I guess I don't... but that's our relationship and that's our personalities. We joke around, we giggle, we get shy, we tease, we share innocent little kisses (like the kind you'd give your grandmother) and all we hear is, "Yuck!" "Gross!" "Omg, really?" "GET A ROOM." and all this rude stuff. I walked away from a ride in tears once because she told me I was beautiful and I got shy and turned red. The girl behind me was like, "Ew guys look, they're so disgusting." I get so hurt and so mad. It drives me crazy!

I guess my point is... why do straight couples get to do all these things without a word from anybody? Why can't I just be treated normally? Any advice on how to handle this next time? I hate going places and having to hide our relationship just because I don't want to get hurt. /:

[Dr.Bobby]

Kimmi, you're right that you shouldn't have to hide who you are. But, you also shouldn't flaunt it, too. And that's with irregard to one's sexual orientation. Being in love doesn't mean your needs to express that to each other are more important than everyone else's need not to see it. There's an unspoken code of conduct, an amount of stuff people generally will tolerate, regardless of orientation (but probably less tolerant of gays), and when that's crossed, you hear the push back. I have to tell you as an observer of human behavior that the responses to straight couples who engage in basically foreplay in public isn't too tolerant, either. I think you might be sensitive to this because you're probably sensitive in the first place, and tend to take these remarks personally, maybe you think they're directed more to you b/c you're gay. Again, there are elements in our society that are less tolerant of gays, but I have to say that a lot of what you're hearing is 'typical'.

Recommendation? Well, having been out and about and experiencing first hand what generally people will tolerate, keep it below the radar. Or, learn to ignore (or at least not be bothered by) the remarks of others.

[Ammonsa]

There's a social stigma that people have for GLBT people, it's sad but true. I think it's the cutest thing ever but I'm bisexual so I'm clearly biased.

But yeah, it's not okay, but thats the way it happens.

[semiunbalanced]

It's just so stupid. And I don't think it has to do with my sensitivity. I don't think holding hands is flaunting anything. I don't think an innocent kiss is flaunting anything either. I just don't understand society....

[Dr.Bobby]

Kimmi, I agree with you, holding hands shouldn't be a big deal!. But, before you blame it on society's rejection of you, look around you and see how many other people are doing what you are. If a lot are, and it goes unmentioned, then it's an example of intolerance. But, if no one else on that line is doing what you are, you're making a bit of a spectacle of yourselves not so much because of your being gay, but because of the inappropriateness of your behavior. Context matters, what I'm suggesting is that you use your environment, what's going on around you, to determine the probable acceptance of your own behavior.

Were the people in front and behind you doing what you were? Was it common behavior? If the answer is no, then sad to say, you were in the wrong here b/c you didn't take into consideration the group norm there. That has nothing to do with gayness or tolerance, it's about recognizing what the unspoken rules are, and abiding by them.

[LoudNoises]

I totally agree with how unfair it is! But I also think that you and your girlfriend are amazing and really brave for even trying doing that. I'm sorry I don't really have any advice I just really wanted to say how great I think it is and how unfair people can be

[semiunbalanced]

Dr.Bobby - I understand that but as I mentioned before, everybody does it. It's Disneyland. Everybody is walking around holding hands. Everybody in line is holding hands. It's not like everybody's making out but they're all being flirty and giggling and laughing and some of them were walking one in front of the other while the one behind them hugged them from behind. I agree that in some places, it's inappropriate. I would never hold hands with her at a church. Straight couples don't even do that. It's not appropriate. But this is clearly an example of intolerance and I just can't stand it.

Thanks Rebecca, it's a struggle but we're working on it. haha.

[Kyeto-X]

It's a social thing. It happens. Fifty years ago, I would have been booed and hissed at for dating my fiancee (She's half black, I'm all white). 150 years ago, she could have been lynched. It'll just take time for society to pull it's head out of this particular ass.

As for how to handle? Just ignore it. Most people are confrontational enough to want to actually start something. If they do start something, you can kindly and slowly explain to them that you are in a relationship and have the right to hold hands just like everyone else in the park. Either that, or you can just get security involved and tell them that these people are not allowing you to enjoy the park that you paid good American money to get into and that you might go somewhere else in the future.

All in all, Just keep a strong chin. No one else should be bothered by whose hand you are holding besides the person you are holding. Just like no one besides your partner should have anything to say about what happens in your bedroom.

[Sythan]

Like Will said, ignore it. You can flaunt it and be as a flaming lesbian as you want to be, whether that be butch or femme. If other people have a problem with it, they don't have to look at it. Plain and simple.

[Gymnophoria]

I've never had any experiences as extreme as that. Generally the worst I get is a funny look from someone because they look at my girlfriend and I, our hands, and back up at us like "What are you doing?"
The worst would have to have been when I was walking out the street and kissed my girlfriend's cheek and my mum came round the corner at that exact time and gave us a death glare. Even then it wasn't bad.
Some people are just homophobic and prejudiced, remember that you don't choose who you fall in love with, and if they have a problem with it then it's their issue to deal with, not yours.
They're probably just jealous of how cute you are together.

[Bubbles37]

I hate this sort of thing. People are fine if a straight couple are swallowing each other in public, but a gay couple can't even hold hands or innocently flirt. Those people were just being jerks, don't let it get you down.

[Fairy Poppins]

I would just give them a proper death stare for a couple of seconds, then turn back and carry on like they're not there. It's like telling them to get f**ked 'cause you don't care what they think (even if you secretly do, don't let them know that! ), but without words.

[ToGoOmniscient]

There's nothing wrong with flirting, etc. in public. Holding hands? A kiss on the cheek? A kiss on the lips that lasts a few seconds? Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Sucking face like there's no tomorrow? ...probably wanna do that somewhere else.
Be you. Don't let some homophobes tell you different, lovely.

[semiunbalanced]

Thank you for all of your support. I get so frustrated with the world. I wanted to turn to that lady and just be like, "Look it's not like we're making out or something." It's really frustrating. Especially because the only time I ever see my girlfriend is in public places so all we EVER do is small little kisses and flirting like that. I can't wait until my girlfriend turns 18. xP

[Briana]

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

Kimmi, you're right that you shouldn't have to hide who you are. But, you also shouldn't flaunt it, too. And that's with irregard to one's sexual orientation. Being in love doesn't mean your needs to express that to each other are more important than everyone else's need not to see it. There's an unspoken code of conduct, an amount of stuff people generally will tolerate, regardless of orientation (but probably less tolerant of gays), and when that's crossed, you hear the push back. I have to tell you as an observer of human behavior that the responses to straight couples who engage in basically foreplay in public isn't too tolerant, either. I think you might be sensitive to this because you're probably sensitive in the first place, and tend to take these remarks personally, maybe you think they're directed more to you b/c you're gay. Again, there are elements in our society that are less tolerant of gays, but I have to say that a lot of what you're hearing is 'typical'.

Recommendation? Well, having been out and about and experiencing first hand what generally people will tolerate, keep it below the radar. Or, learn to ignore (or at least not be bothered by) the remarks of others.

I definitely don't agree with you at all. No one, no matter what sexuality, race, color, gender, age...should have to keep anything under radar.

Who cares if mike and jenny want to cuddle each other in line or hold hands. It doesn't matter if kelly and katie are holding hands. No one should have to hide love. I flaunt my love everywhere I go.

My advice to you, Kimmi, flaunt away, if you hear rude comments. Don't let it get to you. Hold your girl's hand.

[Katrina123]

My advice really? Next time some jackass throws a comment grab ur gf and kiss her passionately. That ought to shut him up.

[semiunbalanced]

Thank you guys for your support. <3 It means a lot.

Seems the best thing to do is ignore them... still frustrating. Some day we shall be considered normal. <3

[*Learningtobreathe*]

FCK THE H8RS! GAY PRIDE!!!!
HONEY IF YOU SPEND ALL YOUR TIME WORRYING ABOUT THE ONES WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND THERE WILL BE NO TIME LEFT TO LOVE THE ONES WHO DO. I SAY FORGET ALL THE RUDE COMMENTS AND SHOW HER HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO YOU THE WAY YOU KNOW HOW.

[BruceLeeDemarcus]

There shouldn't be a problem with it! I think its romantic. I held hands with my cousin who's a girl and people started saying mean stuff about us. I just like to ignore them and have a great time with myself and whoever i'm with. there's nothing wrong with being who you are!

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby

Kimmi, you're right that you shouldn't have to hide who you are. But, you also shouldn't flaunt it, too.

I disagree with this. If you want to act like a couple with your girlfriend, you have the right to do so. If other peoples' reactions make you uncomfortable, then of course you don't have to do it. But I don't think you should stop being flirty & stuff with your girlfriend just because of other people. It's not like you're making out with her or being inappropriate. & Even if that was the case, straight couples who do that are also frowned upon. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I've learned from seeing friends together that it's easier to handle uneasy reactions when you handle them together. I wish you the best!

[Loving Linux Penguin]

While I have not experienced this myself (I'm not in a relationship yet), I am friends with two girls that are in a relationship together. The other day, one of them mentioned to me that people get a little grossed out when they kiss, and in that case she was talking about the tiniest peck on the cheek, not even the lips. Now, guys and girls kiss each other full on in the hallways, as well as hugging and holding hands and etc. and nobody cares. Well...I kinda do, but that's only because I am biased and sort of find the idea of kissing a girl a little...not fun. That said, it makes perfect sense that some people feel the same way about homosexual affection, but they should be respectful enough to keep it to themselves. I know a lot of gay/pan/les/bi people at school, and I don't think ONE of them ever gets after any straight people for PDAs...

[blumemusik♫]

I think that, while you should be proud of who you are, no matter which way you look at it, being LGBT isn't the social norm. People single others out for anything, and if it's your sexual orientation that's 'different' to normal, then that's what they'r going to comment on. With other people it might be "Ew. she's got a birthmark on her face, how gross," or "Ew, he's fat," or "Ew, she's 16 and has a baby. What's going on with her life."

I don't know the point I'm trying to make here xD

Basically, I think you should be allowed to flirt in public - you're together and you're happy. That's what matters. But other people might not think that way. I mean, think of a little child. He's more likely to point out a lesbian couple kissing than a straight couple, because he's not as used to it. But if he grew up with gay parents, he probably wouldn't care. It's what we're brought up to notice.

But also, you might be reading into it a bit deeply. I mean, okay, the comments are obviously negative, but I saw two gay men holding hands the other day and I stared at them a bit. But it wasn't for a negative reason. It was because a) I thought they were really brave to be so open about their relationship, and b) they made a really cute couple :3

So bear in mind, while there may be some negativity, don't let it bother you, because you and your girlfriend have a beautiful thing called love. And remember not everyone's against you.

Much love <3

[Samrz]

Forget the haters! I have no problem with it. I see two guys or two girls holding hands and I think "Awwww<3" <---That's what you and your girl just need to keep doing.<3

[Pelios]

Holding hands isn't a big deal I always hold hands with my girlfriends and poke each other in public I’m a very affectionate person . One time we went to a concert and I was hugging my friend and over heard someone say "eww gay" and I turned around and asked them what they said and they just stood there silent. That's the funny part people will talk behind your back but if you respond and tell they to tell you in your face they won't they just say it behind your back. Don’t let them bug you everyone has the right now hug anyone they want.

[Soliloquy]

Since the OP's questions seems to have been answered adequately, I'm going to go ahead and close this thread. Feel free to PM me if you'd like it reopened!