Should I tell her again...?

[Roy-kun231]

I'm FtM as some of you know, and I told my mom during the summer.

She brushed it off as just a phase so I repressed it for a while, making myself be uber-girly for a while but that made me depressed. I began self-harming (I have six scars now because of it) and I hated myself very much.

Within the last two months, my gender identity began snaking its way back into my mind. Now my wardrobe is not very diverse. This is my usual week:
-Sweat pants
-"Disturbed" shirt
-"Sonic" shirt
-flannel shirt
-Edgewood (my high school) blue shirt
-(Fridays only) purple "EHS Class of 2014" shirt

Once in a while a girly shirt. But that's about it. I try to look at least androgynous if not masculine.

I'm thinking of telling her again, maybe after Halloween (since I'm dressing up as a boy). But I'm really nervous. I'm scared she'll brush it off again... I'm also really scared that she'll try to suppress it. Either her or my dad.

I feel I need to feel open to her before I can come out to anyone else...

I just really need some advice on what to do.

[Dr.Bobby]

Roy, I've worked with a lot of teens in your situation, and it's never easy, you're in a tough spot.

It's understandable that you want the acknowledgment and support of your folks, but you have to assess not just that need you have, but perhaps more importantly, their ability right now to provide it. That should be the determining factor, their ability and willingness to provide the support and acknowledgment you rightly need and deserve, but might not be able to get from them.

Unless something has changed with their attitudes, etc., then there's a real risk here to you, you have to be able to tolerate the possibility (probability?) that they cannot give you what it is you need, and (this is the big one) you have to be able to tolerate that without going into a tailspin, no cutting.

If you cannot assure yourself of this, or be assured that they're in a different space in their own heads with this info, then the work is providing yourself with the acknowledgment you need, and maybe working on getting that elsewhere. Also, working on coping skills so you can eventually tolerate the risk of rejection is a good idea, and just surrounding yourself as best you can with people who accept and appreciate who and what you are often has a strengthening effect, regardless of what your folks might say or do.

Don't do anything based on just your needs, give careful thought to their ability to give you what you need back, and your ability to tolerate the possibility of that not happening.