how did you know?

[LittleMissOneBigMess]

hi there,

So I’m not really sure but ill guess I’ll start off with, how did you figure out you were gay? Were there specific events, a specific time in your life or did you just know??? Its just I’m so confused, I feel like I’m gay, when I admit to myself I’m gay it feels so much more right than saying I’m just bisexual. I’ve never really been attracted to guys, ive never fallen hard for guys like I have for girls and when I imagine myself in the future, I don’t imagine it with a guy, I don’t imagine being that wife with a husband and kids, living in the suburbs with that nice house, I want that life to a certain extent but with a woman, I think its because over the past couple of months I’ve had a thing for my best friend and fallen in love with her. I mean I’ve liked girls for as long as I can remember, my first kiss was with a girl, and anything I’ve done physically has been with girls mostly, but I’m confused because I can also say I find some guys attractive, I mean I don’t think I want to date them but I consider them hot. I’ve never really wanted to date guys, like for a long term relationship, maybe a few weeks but nothing longer. Its just really confusing, how do you know if your really gay? Or just confused at the moment? I mean if I am gay ( which I’m 98% sure I am) id have no problem with that, and it wouldn’t be an issue for anyone else I know ( friends and family), and my brother is gay as well so I know it would be fine for my parents, its really just something id like to figure out.
And I know everyones going to say that I don’t need to define it, I don’t need to label myself but I would like to label it, so I know what it is. So any advice, personal opinions, anything will be welcome and helpful. Thanks in advance for your help J
- Tessa

[Bubbles37]

I figured out that I was bi when I got a crush on a girl. Some days, I doubt myself, but mostly, I sure that I'm bi. As cliche as it sounds, you really don't have to label yourself. Who you love is who you love, so why force yourself into a label?

[LittleMissOneBigMess]

Thank you for your reply, and its not that labels matter to me, its just i'd like to know what I am, bisexual/gay etc, it makes to a little easier for me, i dont need to label myself for anyone else, but it would make me feel better to know for myself.

[ReluctantPegasister]

I had many crushes on boys throughout elementary school, so I knew I liked boys.

But in 8th grade I had a crush on a girl and just seeing her made me want to crawl inside my locker. It was very odd but I eventually identified it as my first girl crush and since realized other girl crushes I've had.

I now identify as bisexual.

[Bubbles37]

Originally Posted by LittleMissOneBigMess

Thank you for your reply, and its not that labels matter to me, its just i'd like to know what I am, bisexual/gay etc, it makes to a little easier for me, i dont need to label myself for anyone else, but it would make me feel better to know for myself.

It'll probably just take time to know, and I don't think anyone can ever know for sure. I mean, even someone who has identified as straight all their life could end up falling for someone of the same gender. Point is, it's a spectrum, so I don't think anyone can be 100% sure, but, if it helps, you can choose a label to identify with.

P.S. I don't know if I'm making any sense. It's late, and I'm tired, so disregard this if it's just confusing

[EndureEmo]

well when i got in high school, i just had a feeling i was...
as time went on my feeling became stronger...
it was never to one certain person, i just felt girls and guys are all equal and just because you were born a girl or a guy shouldnt have an impact on who you like or fall in love with.
but than i ment someone and i really like her. we were dating for 3 months... she was my everything for that time but i guess i was only her experiment of her sexualitly. ;/

anyway i dont think im pansexual tho because i do think about if my partner is a male of female sometimes. im not sure if thats how most pansexuals feel or not. when im with a guy im more girly when im with a girl im more of the guy in the relationship...

[TheCrowing]

I always knew something was a little different. But in the 5th grade I came to terms with the fact that I had feelings for girls. It wasn't difficult to do so in a literal sense because I never really looked at guys that way. It was hard mentally, and still is. All of my firsts were with girls, and for a long time I identified as a lesbian. But there was this one guy friend of mine that I absolutely love, and he feels the same, but it's an unspoken thing between us. We've known the other has felt this way for almost 5 years, but we both understand that we shouldn't be together. Therefore, I have come to terms with my label: Homoflexible.

I feel like gender shouldn't matter, which leans towards pansexuality, but honestly I wouldn't label myself that because I've only liked that one guy. Ever. And then it leans into the fact that he's a guy, bringing in gender. Which contradicts how I feel about gender. Big mess. Homoflexible fixes it. Lol

[BruceLeeDemarcus]

I found out that I was bi when I looked at a girl and I couldn't stop thinking about them. Then again I feel that way about guys. Still, I get really happy and I start to blush. Its just a feeling that I have a crush on someone. That's how I know.

[Rooni3]

This sounds normal. You're not less gay than anyone else if you think a guy is hot. Anyone can tell an attractive person from another. And if it helps, I actually have a similar story to you as well. I knew I was gay when I fell in love with my best friend. But it doesn't make guys any less attractive to me, I can't see myself in a relationship with a guy anymore. My future lies with a woman. So relax (:

[Soliloquy]

Everyone comes to a conclusion about their sexuality at a different time. And like Elsa said, there's always room for change. Personally, I always had the slightest idea that I was gay in the back of my mind, yet I always pictured my future with a husband and kids because that's what my mom had. It wasn't that I was unfamiliar with lesbian relationships; I have two lesbian aunts that I grew up around. I simply didn't think that that would ever be me. When my friends would talk about their boy crushes in elementary school, I'd tell myself I was just too young to like boys yet and that it would come.

I'm nearly 18 now and it still hasn't. I have an absolutely beautiful girlfriend, and honestly, nothing has felt more right and natural. I truly can't picture myself with a guy at all. Despite being raised in a very open-minded and accepting household, where my family has been nothing but supportive toward me, this was a hard thing to come to terms with. I always expected that I would grow up and marry a man, have lovely biological children (not that that's not possible in lesbian relationships, but of course it complicates things a bit), and live the all-American dream. When I came to understand that I was gay, I had to lay that dream to rest, and yes, it was hard at first.

Whatever happens, remember that it's perfectly okay. It doesn't matter if you end up straight, gay, or bi, as long as you are happy. Don't let society's expectations influence you on your journey. And most importantly, give yourself time. Some figure it out when they're little kids, some in their teen years, some as young adults, and some, even much later.

Hang in there and take care! I know this is a confusing thing to figure out!

[Dez]

It may take some time to come to a definite conclusion. It can be confusing, but I'm sure you will have an idea of your sexuality at some point. Like what was said before, everyone comes to a conclusion about their sexuality at a different age.

I've had feelings of bisexuality since about the sixth grade. I've had the little elementary school crushes on guys before this, and when I hit the sixth grade I started having crushes on either gender. While I've never dated, I've had feelings and sexual attraction for either gender. Because I haven't dated I sometimes question my sexuality, but I still identify myself as bisexual because I know I wouldn't care what gender I date or marry.

[NyanNyan]

Hmm I was just kind of thinking about people I liked and I started thinking about this one girl who I was admittedly a little attracted to than I'm my mind I'm like "holy s*** am I a lezbian???" lol but I'm not I'm just bi....I probably would be a lesbian if I didn't watch so much Anime with hot guys

[*Learningtobreathe*]

i fell in love with my best girl friend, rian. she doesn't know and i wish i could tell her so much

[Sythan]

For me, it was in the 7th grade. I didn't really pay attention to my own sexuality and to who I was attracted to until about that time, in middle school. That's when I knew I was gay.

[DougCombusted]

Sorry if I can't offer much, but if here's my take: I'm gay and have been for as long as I cal recall. BUT, I still find many women attractive. I call girls pretty all the time, I think it's normal to be open to beauty despite gender, even if you're not necessarily ATTRACTED to both. If you think you're gay, then by all means, it's what you are. Nothing unusual. <3