Triggering (Suicide): Think I am... but how would I accept it?

[friendlyfire]

I'm so confused right now.... Heres some backstory.

I'm with this guy Tyler. I dated him for a few months last year, he was my first really serious boyfriend. I had dated before him, but only casually. We ended up breaking up around new years because he cheated on me with this girl Allison. I hated allison. I felt like she was prettier and better than me in almost every way. I cut off all contact with tyler at that point. A few months later he texted me, apologizing for everything he had done. I was like "whatever. dont talk to me." he told me about how happy he and allison were. I was extremely jealous.

But another thing to add is that i also cheated on him, with another girl. it was my best friend at the time, and it was on new years eve. she stole some liquor from her parents and we both got slightly buzzed. We ended up messing around. I felt bad, but not bad enough to tell him, because of what he had done. Allison broke it off with him a few months later. He tried to kill himself. She said she dumped him because she was a lesbian, and she just wasn't that attracted to him.

So now we all go to the same Highschool. A new one was built and it transferred all of us together. I started dating Tyler again. He found out about me cheating so many months ago and tried to kill himself again. He has since been seeing a counselor and has gotten a lot better. We have gotten pretty far in our relationship physically, and I enjoy things, but I like being with a girl more.

Now heres the catch. I ended up becoming friends with Allison (against tyler's wishes). She is very much like me, we can relate on so many things. And I think I have a crush on her. I know that I probably am bi, but if anyone found out I would be socially rejected.... mortified. The thing is, I think Allison likes me too. She told me the other day that she's glad we are friends, and she wants to get to know me better and hopes we can grow closer. I want the same thing, but I want to stay loyal to Tyler.

I know pursuing a relationship with Allison would really hurt tyler. But I honestly like girls more than guys. Tyler is a great guy, but I dont feel as satisfied with him as I do women. What should I do?

[Sythan]

Go with Allison. It's your life, not Tyler's, regardless of his wishes or his actions. If you want a relationship with Allison, go for it.

[Roy-kun231]

I understand how confusing this could be, as I am in the same situation.... or, was...

Not everyone will ostracize you like you think they will. I have friends who know I'm bi and they're perfectly fine with it.

If Tyler cheated on you before, it's possible he may do it again. I'm not saying he WILL, but it is a real possibility.

Perhaps you should confide in a friend or parent about this, or a school counselor. I think that may help a bit.