Ruined relationship with best friend

[sensitiveguy123]

My best friend slept over my house last night. We're both guys and somehow we started doing stuff that were kinda gay. I have never been intimate with anyone, male or female, and neither has my best friend. I knew I had an attraction to males and I'm not sure about him.

I don't know how it got to this, but we started giving eachother handjobs. We both loved it. Then we had our first kiss together, which lead to a lot of kissing and making out and french kissing. I stopped him and asked him if we were experimenting or if this is what we really wanted, and he told me that he has thought about guys before and he thinks he's bisexual. I completely opened up to him about how I look at guys and girls and basically came out to him and told him I knew for a while. Then, we continued with the kissing because it was apparently what we both wanted, not experimentation.

Then for some reason, we stopped. He told me that he doesn't think that he's bisexual and that he was just experimenting which kinda hurt me because I thought we had something. But he proceeded to tell me the real reason is that because he didn't want to ruin our friendship.

For the rest of the night, we just hung out and talked and stuff, but there was a sense of awkwardness. We both fell asleep (on separate beds lol) and then the next morning we woke up like nothing happened. I still felt really awkward because there was no way I could take back me opening up to him and basically coming out of the closet to him. We didn't speak of it at all, and he went home.

Just recently, he sent me a message on facebook saying he can't "stop thinking about it". That's when I realized that this is definitely going to impact our friendship, not the fact that I'm bisexual or gay or something like that but the fact that we actually attempted at starting a legitimate relationship.

I don't know what to do. I hate myself for it right now. I don't know why I even thought of trying this with my best friend, I should have known that it would eventually just end up in us being awkward and/or having our friendship strained.

[Myla]

Ik what ya mean. I came out to my best friend and we dated for a while and life was good. Then things came crashing to an end but we're still really good friends today. It hurts at times because shes my first love but i think you should try to make a relationship out of it. Provided that you like him for him and not just because he's who you came out to and is the only bi guy you know. Hope that helps some. Ultimately it's up to you and him as to what you do. But love for any amount of time is worth it. Everyone deserves to feel a little bit of love in their life

[Jaguar]

First of all, relax. I ran some polls some time ago and a little more than half the girls and slightly less than half they guys responding who considered themselves straight had some sexual contact with someone of the same sex. So there's nothing unusual about you.

No doubt he's experiencing the same anxiety as you. There's a lot of stigma attached to two males doing something sexual, more than there is for girls, so there are bound to be a lot of strong feelings to contend with. Best to let things settle for a while and bring it up sometime when it seems appropriate. If it helps you can tell him you never doubted he was straight and was experimenting and if he wants you can just put it behind you but you value his friendship.

[Iris. ♥]

I agree with what Jaguar said. It's natural that there will be some awkwardness between you for a while. It would be the same if you made out with your best girl friend. It's just something you never considered before. Give it time, so both of you can come to terms with your feelings. If you think you can make a relationship work, pursue that. If you can't, then stay friends. I doubt this has ruined your friendship for good. Oh, and what Myla said is right too: everyone really does deserve a little love in their life.