Questioning. So confused.

[lost_soul]

All throughout this year I've been questioning my sexuality. I really don't know what I am. I always thought I was straight when I was younger, I didn't put much thought into my sexuality and always considered guys the norm and therefore the way to go. However, as I've grown older I've started to find other girls more and more attractive.

I think I may be bisexual and if I were to put a label on it, that would be it but it's so hard to describe how I feel. I've had no experience with girls, unless you count a few kisses at the age of 5 as 'experience' haha but I've had a lot of experience with guys.The person I am currently most emotionally attached to is a lovely guy, my best friend in fact. We aren't in a relationship but we do have a 'thing.'

I'd like to experiment with girls but I'm so afraid of judgement. My parents are so strongly against homosexuality and so is the rest of my family and the majority of my friends. Even if I did feel comfortable enough to admit to myself that I truly am bi or gay or whatever I may be, I could never admit it to others and come out because I would be hated by those I love. That scares me and I think apart of me puts off admitting it because I know the consequences would be disastrous.

I don't know what I am, I'm really confused and I don't know what to think. Maybe I should just suppress the feelings and hope they go away, maybe it's just a phase. I don't know. I'm sick of feeling so confused all the time, I'm so uncomfortable with myself because I don't even know how I feel. Gender isn't such a big deal, I think I'm capable of falling in love with either gender, I just don't know exactly what I want or how I feel. I just wanted to get this out, I've not spoken to anybody about it properly so I'm sorry for going on and on. I know it doesn't matter so much and I still have a lot of time to figure things out but I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading

[Jaguar]

Sometimes just getting it out to another person or getting it town in writing helps to sort things out. There's nothing wrong with feeling the need to experiment and check out how you feel. You might want to tell the guy you're with and see what he thinks. A lot of guys are supportive of it and I think it would help.

The reaction of friends and family is always a problem because it can be so unpredictable, so it's not a good idea to 'come out' until you feel like you really have to and you're in a position, emotionally and financially to deal with negative reactions. You can keep your love life to yourself for as long as you want.

[Celestial.]

Hey there.

I can definitely relate to how you're feeling. Up until a few years ago, I hadn't given any thought to sexuality, and if anyone had asked me about it, I would have said 'straight' just because I assumed I was - even though I'd never really been attracted to guys. As I grew, I realised that I was more attracted to girls, something I'm now completely comfortable with - but it took me a while. The important thing now is to give yourself time; there's no rush. You don't have to give yourself a label or come out right now. Just take things slowly, and see where they go.

You pointed out an interesting fact: labels may not fully describe feelings. For example, I identify as a lesbian, but that doesn't mean I've ruled out the possibility of falling for a guy. You don't have to put a label to your feelings. You might like girls, you might like both - it doesn't matter. If you fall for one or the other, then go with that, rather than trying to fit neatly into a category.

I'm sorry that you live in a society where LGBT people are looked down upon. If you think you're in any danger, like if coming out could prompt violence or anything against you, it's probably best to wait. As hard as it can be, sometimes it really is best to keep your feelings to yourself. The thing is, people tend to be negative towards things they don't understand. You'd be amazed by how many people are against LGBT people, but change their minds when they find out that somebody close to them identifies as such. You don't have to be open about how you feel - you might just tell one friend about it at first, and see how they react. You can never totally predict how somebody will react to the news, so you never know, it might be more positive than you expect.

I know earlier I said it can help to keep your feelings to yourself, but that doesn't mean you need to suppress them. In fact, I wouldn't recommend that at all. These are normal, natural feelings, and there's nothing wrong with them. It could just be a phase, but why should that mean you have to ignore the feelings while they're here? Now might be a good time to explore your feelings. Writing in a journal could help, or talking to somebody you trust. I know how confusing this time can be, but if you sort through your feelings, you'll probably find a new level of peace and acceptance within yourself, cliche as that sounds.

Don't apologise for the thread - I don't think you went on and on. I think it's great you're opening up about this, even to people you may not know. When I first start questioning my sexuality, I remember that I was so terrified to talk to anybody about it, and I didn't tell anyone for months - but I felt better once I did. If you ever want to talk, I'm more than happy to listen. I know how helpful it can be to have someone to vent to or ask advice from, and that's what we aim to provide here on TeenHelp.

I hope I helped, and I hope you manage to sort things out soon.

Take care.

[lost_soul]

Thank you both so much, you were both really helpful Sidhe, your situation seems pretty similar to mine so it was really nice to hear from someone who has been through something so similar. I feel a little less alone now