Can somebody help me?

[JustAGirl_]

Um, hi.

I'm 14.

For the past year or so, I've been questioning my sexuality. I can't remember how or even when it started, but it did. I find girls attractive, I can picture myself in a relationship with them and having a future, sometimes I can do that with guys too, but not always.

Monday, I could be dreaming of walking hand in hand with a girl.
Tuesday, I could be drooling over the cute guy in chemistry.
And Wednesday, I just want to cry, because nothing makes sense.

I try watching TV shows with lesbian characters like Glee, with Brittany and Santana and to a certain extent, I relate but then I remember they're fictional characters.

Everything just seems to clouded. It's literally all I think about, every minute of every day, I'm either wishing for the cute guy to look at me and the next I'm just wanting the pretty blonde girl to talk to me.

I know if I ever do come out as bi-sexual or lesbian, my parents would accept me fully 100% because I've been told from a young age that being gay is not really a big of a deal for my family - but it is for me. I think 95% of my friends would accept me, but it's outside of my friends and family, would I just be known as "that gay girl"?

I said to myself for a while 'I'll just marry a guy, settle down and pretend I don't have these feelings for women.' but I realized that wasn't what I wanted to do. Yes, I want to escape from this mess I've found myself in, but I'd preferably come out happy.

I see my friends walking hand in hand with their boyfriends and I envy them, why are they not feeling like this? Everything just seems so simple for everybody else, even though deep down, I know I'm probably not the only one in my school feeling like this.

I've tried to say to myself "just go with the flow, fall in love with who you fall in love with." and to a certain extent, I'm happy with that. But I don't want to meet a girl, start falling in love with her and then subconsciously try to stop myself from doing so.

When I say "I'm gay", it feels okay, but not totally.
When I say "I'm bi", again, it feels fine, but as if that's not the truth.
And when I say "I'm straight", I just cringe.

Again, I've only really figured out one thing, that for the moment, I'm definitely not straight. But am I bi? lesbian? Pans? Everything is just too clouded.

I guess I came on this website to;

1) Get everything off my chest for the first time in over a year

2) Is there a moment when everything clicks into place and I'll understand if I'm lesbian, bi-sexual or whatever, is there a moment in time where things become easier to deal with? Is there ever going to be a time when I'll be able to not have with weight on my mind all day, everyday?

Thanks if you answer...

[Samrz]

Well You'll never really know until you date one of the genders. If you like both, you're bisexual but more interested in the same gender. That's very possible. I questioned mine before. It is kind of confusing. I guess just go with what you're attracted to.

[darkxdreamer13]

I'm totally the same way. I often envy and want the typical/cute/straight relationships that my friends have, but often I'm thinking of my future with a girl etc.
There's really nothing to do but reflect on yourself and just date different people to see what you like. It sucks, but really trying to "live in the moment" and "go with the flow" actually do seem to help.
Please PM if you want to talk sometime.

[Enchanted ❧]

Hey there. Welcome to Teenhelp. I am glad that you joined our site, and I hope you find everything that you are looking for here. If you ever need anything there are plenty of people who love to help. Anyone with a colored username is a great place to start. Anyways back to your question. I think that it is totally okay to question your sexuality, and not know how you are feeling. As you learn what it is like to feel certain ways, you will begin to understand how you feel and who you are. Take sometime to figure it out. Don't rush it, there is no need to throw labels out there so quickly.

[Tiffany79582]

well im gay but when i first started thinking i thought i was bi because i liked the thought of being next to a girl and holding her hand i realised i was gay when i dated my first girlfriend and when i dated a guy so really id say to date both sexes

[ilybabe95]

Just follow your heart and dont wory about what people will thing i an like you and i wont tell anyone but when you meet the special person it will all work out.

[SheySwift]

Hun, I have been a lesbian for about a year and a half now. If this is how you feel, don't let anyone treat you different from a person who doesn't get those feelings. We are still humans that live on the same planet as everyone else. Don't let these feelings scare you. They are normal. You may be going through a phase or you may not. I know it pisses me off when people tell me it is just a phase because I know it's not. I love girls and I have since 8th grade but I didn't come out until my Freshman year of high school. I am now a Junior in high school and yes people do know me as a lesbian but most people accept me and treat me just like any other normal human being. If anyone has anything to say about it just ignore them or tell them that you are just like everyone else but with a different sexuality. There is nothing wrong with being Gay, Bi, or Lesbian. It is who we are and we can't change it. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Just follow your heart and ask yourself what you really want. I promise, it gets easier. <3