Non-PG13: In Love With Friend {Strong Language and Content}

[--.redpanda.--]

So, I have a friend that is a girl I'm in love with. Well, she doesn't know it. I just don't have the guts to tell a lot of people that I am still in the process of finding out if I am bisexual or lesbian. I mean, I've had relationships with guys and girls, but I felt more with girls than I have with guys. I mean when I had sex with guys, it just wasn't good. I mean it felt good, but I felt dishonest and terrible after. I told one guy to get away from me {I was...well...out of it at the time} and the other guy I left in the bed and drove away from his home.

Now, anyways, continuing with this girl. She is beautiful, kind, and kinda timid. She can be loud at times, but that is only when you get to know her. Anyways, I haven't told her or my group of friends that I hang out with that I am still in the process of finding out my sexuality. I mean I'm twenty and I should know, but it just doesn't...appear obvious to me. I am getting mixed signals from my body and mind.

Now, here is a problem. She is in my Spanish Class. That is how I met her. She was behind me and I felt like I had to introduce myself because it...just felt polite. This friendship has become a big problem with me. She has become a distraction. All I can think of in Spanish is...her! Her body...her boobs...her slender frame...her constant cover of her little curvy frame...

*clears throat*

Anyways, I get that excited feeling down there. It happens to me whenever I am around her. I can't help but laugh at her cute behaviors. When she gets shy or I interrupt her or she interrupts me. I just laugh a bit. She asks me to do things. She does give me rides and stuff...

I try to give her hints that I am attracted to her, but I'm not too good with hinting these things. I feel like whenever I am with her I can somewhat be myself. I just am afraid to tell her. Everything else is all me.

I don't want to be afraid to tell her anymore.

Help. Please.

[Jaguar]

I can identify with that. I'm not gay but it works the same way for straights. The more you like her the more you're afraid of alienating her. Your heart is torn by both emotions.

Well, the only way to deal with it is get to know her well and you'll eventually discover her feelings about love and sex with same sex and whether you should make an advance. Yeah, I know it's hard and it hurts. If you don't make the friendship, it's only lust and it wouldn't work anyway.

[--.redpanda.--]

I'm friends with her now, but for me it feels wrong. I just think I should tell her I'm not straight. I already know that. It's just...I don't know if the feelings are really there for her. I mean it is probably lust like you say, but still I want to have her know I'm not straight. It feels right.

[Jaguar]

You can come out to her. You don't have to say it like you're hitting on her, just as one friend to another. You can even reassure that you would never make any unwelcome advances to her.

You should be able to start a convo about how she feels about bi girls or lesbians and whether she ever had a crush on a girl. That should tell you a lot about her. If she has big negative reactions to the subject you'll know there's no future in it. Even if it's a mildly negative reaction, she may be saying what she thinks she's supposed to say and just give it time. It's hard not to like someone who likes you.

[--.redpanda.--]

Thanks for the advice.