Triggering (Abuse): am I bisexual or could this be a symptom of sexual abuse?

[justme1119]

I've dated a guy and I've dated girls. I've had sex with both. I'm also going to father my first child with her. I actually liked sex with her both she's insane I'd never date her. But I've liked dating girls. But I don't know I scare girls when I talk about like certain fantasies I have like I'd like them to beat me up to be like sexually aroused. I get really turned on when I'm strangled it's just the way I am? That's to girls or guys. Well with guys I've had some say I was a freak and others would do it. I don't like the sex with guys though. I don't like guys hands like how they feel. I like everything about girls. But with guys I only enjoy oral. Like I just get aroused by huys by seeing large penises aroused and that's how I've been since the child abuse. Mainly when I was 9 to 11, I was abused by my mom's bf and friend and mainly it was like oral sex. And the times of anal it was really bad torture like and I guess now whenever I have sex with a guy I get no pleasure and it just makes me cut more and have more issues. I am wondering though am I bisexual or does it sound like I am straight and it's just a symptom?

[Aletheia*]

I'm not sure what you mean byt 'symptoms'. There aren't any symptoms in term of sexuality. And, there aren't any symptoms to sexual abuse. They aren't illnesses or diseases.

My personal opinion, it sounds like your bisexual. You enjoy sex, whether it be vaginal, oral or anal (yes, they are all sex!) with both men and woman. Straight men don't have sex with other men. Therefore, being bisexual is the best 'label'. However, being bisexual isn't a bad thing and you can explore more options this way. You can have the best of both worlds.

[justme1119]

there are behavior symptoms. When I was 9 I went completely infantile and was socially debilitated. So yea there are symptoms. Still having issues with it. So yea there are emotionally issues plus my obsession with male genitalia started around the same time that's why I asked.

I'm not scared of being bisexual I don't like gay sex just because I don't. But I was just curious if it was possible or not?

[MacGuffin]

I think it's safe to say your abuse has effected some of your sexual tastes, like the fact you don't like anal and it triggers you to self harm. But the other things, like the fact you like guys and girls, probably doesn't have anything to do with the fact you were abused when you were younger. Nor are your other tastes due to abuse. Believe it or not, a lot of people are turned on by being beaten or engaging in breath play. However, it's only a problem if the reasons you are doing those things stems from a feeling of self-hatred or a belief in the need to be punished or hurt. THEN it's unhealthy, but otherwise no.

It sounds, though, like you are probably not straight. You like sexual contact with girls and guys, and you have also wanted for form relationships with both. Don't take this for the law or anything, though. Sexuality is a very fluid thing; it is constantly changing and growing. So don't be surprised if your tastes change.

[justme1119]

it's not just that it reminds me of the abuse. It is isn't enjoyable like lying down with a guy for that matter is odd to me rather it seemed so right with a girl. Idk why...

[Verità]

I'm going to move this into the LGBT and Sexuality forum, as it sounds like it would fit better there. Good luck!

[justme1119]

k thanks hopefully it's ok I just was hoping no one was upset going there like I don't want to be blamed.

[FillingWithHope]

I agree with both users that have posted. It sounds like you are bisexual which there is nothing wrong with because its who you are and it also sounds like your fantisies are an issues of you being abused. There is nothing wrong have these fantisies but it may not be healthy to persue them. If you feel as if you may hurt a partner by doing these thoughs then i would talk to a professional. Maybe all you need is some good professional help because subconsciencely something major is bothering you and it well help you get over it. Stay strong.

[justme1119]

I don't really get what you mean? Like you said you think I'm bi but it's caused by the abuse? Like you said my fantasies were you know that all my fantasies are my whole sexuality right? I mean that's how it works. And btw I don't want to hurt anyone. I just like hurting myself no one else. I'm not a monster.

[.TJ.]

It sounds like all of your fantasies were caused by the abuse and you're subconsciously trying to re-live them to "get over" them, which will not happen.

[justme1119]

I don't really think I want the memories or to be reminded idk. I've got a big set back I dlont think I'll be acting on it for awhile

[softball]

I'm openly bi-sexual but I haven't had sex with either. I only realised this because my best friend was the only thing that stopped me from continuing with my suicide. She kissed me and I realised I wanted to be with her, but I also loved my boyfriend.