Homophobic family..

[JustAGirl_]

Last week, I was at my grandparent's house and we were watching Glee. Two girls, Brittany and Santana, had a date scene. I made a comment about how cute it was and how that their love is special.
The following conversation happened:

Me: "It's cute, right? Aw, that's true love!"
Grandma: "No, you do know women can't be gay?"
Me: "What are you even talking about?"
Grandma: "It's wrong sweetie, please don't be watching this stuff."
Me: "It's not wrong though! It's perfectly fine!"
Grandma: "It's not.."
Me: "And what do you mean women can't be gay?"
Grandma: "Woman can only be attracted to men hun, it's a fact."
Me: "It's not a f*cking fact, though! People fall in love with who they fall in love with! F*cking deal with it!"
Grandma: "Don't swear in my home!"
Me: "Don't be homophobic in my presence! What if I was gay, would you hate me too?"
Grandma: "I would hate what you were, not you! I would never fully accept you though."

The conversation basically turned into a screaming match and I eventually just left. My mom said she was on my side though, so that's okay I suppose.

I know my grandma is from an entirely different time period where things were seen in an entirely different light from what they are now and I know that it would be asking a lot for her to change her views on things after so many years of things being forced into her brain.

Since a post I made about 1 month ago, I've discovered so much. If we're to put a label on things, I say I'm about 90% lesbian. It's more that I know what I am, but I'm not really ready to accept that just yet - but that's besides the point.

What I'm saying is, at some point I will come out of closet. But how am I supposed to really feel safe when such a prominent figure in my life has said, point blank, she refuses to accept me.

My grandma is old, I think she's 75 so chances are she hasn't got long left. and I've been thinking, "Do I wait until she's dead until I come out?" that way I spare myself the pain and so she doesn't lie on her death bed hating her granddaughter. But then I'll feel like I was only lying to my grandma and I couldn't fix it.
Or do I come out at my own time, whether she's still here or not? That way, yes I run the risk of getting hurt and her dying hating her granddaughter, but I'd be safe in the knowledge that I didn't let my grandma die whilst I was lying to her.

I literally can't believe I thought about my grandma dying though. That's what scared me the most though. I hate her views and how she acted, but I love her. I just feel like I'm being completely selfish.

But what I'm getting at is, how do I learn to accept myself 100% when the woman I've looked up to for so long probably won't even look at me the same way again?

[chickenonsteroids]

ehhhhhh I think she'd learn to look past it, you are her granddaughter after all. Or she'd have to accept it really.

just remember that she's from a completely different generation. Why do you think lgbt is more accepted now than 50 years ago?

Don't think of telling people about how you feel when your grandma dies because you don't want to build up a hatred for her. When you feel comfortable do it, but understand that your mum will be on your side but your grandma might have more of a negative initial response