Crushing on my best friend

[Charlie1230]

Hello,

So, this has been going on for a while now. Im crushing on my best friend. I'm still trying to figure out my sexuality and who I am. But, this is something that I'm possative about. Every time she laughs or is just around me I feel like I can be myself. I feel complete. But my heart feels like it's ripping in two because I know she doesn't feel the same way that I do about her. I want her to feel the same way in every inch of my body! And then I just feel like crying after she leaves my house or I haven't seen her in a day! And when she starts obsessing over a boy (this is how I know she's straight) I just go with it but in the end it makes me feel worse.

My main point is, I want to tell her how I feel. It hurts so bad to hold it all inside. It's making me feel not like myself. It's making me feel broken. I'm afraid to tell her though. I don't want it to ruin our friendship. I don't want her ignoring me or feeling awkward. My inicial thinking is to write her a note explaining everything and give it to her on a Friday so she can think about what I have said over the weekend. Then Monday I can talk to her about it. Should I tell her that I'm in love with her? Or should I still hold it in? In the back of my mind I'm always telling myself she will never love me back. I don't like that feeling but I don't like any of the other emotions swimming inside me. What should I do?

[ellequeen]

If it kills you to keep it bottled up inside, then maybe you should tell her to get it off your chest...but always keep in mind that you will be taking a huge risk. She may or may not feel the same way and that's the difficult part, but as humans, we have to accept reality and move forward...Good luck

[Celestial.]

Hey Charlie.

I think most of us, whether gay, straight, or otherwise, have been in similar situations. When you're very close to someone, it's easy for the attraction to move from friendship to something more, and it can be incredibly frustrating when the person you like doesn't share your feelings. I think the important thing here is to ask yourself if it's worth it. What do you have to lose or gain? Sometimes the risk is worth it, and sometimes it's not. You have to decide that for yourself. Think of worst and best case scenarious, weigh them against each other, and see if you still want to be open about it.

Your friend could be straight, but just because she likes boys doesn't mean she's not attracted to girls too, or at least open to the possibility. Maybe to start with you could try to find out if she really is straight? That could give you some idea on if she might feel the same way as you do.

If it's this hard to keep your feelings to yourself, it sounds like it could help to talk to her about it. Just remember that if she doesn't feel the same, it's not her fault, and you shouldn't hold it against her. It might make the friendship awkward for a while, but chances are things will settle down after a while. I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago, and after much consideration, I decided just to tell the girl I liked her. She didn't feel the same way, and for a while things were weird while she got over the shock (as she'd just assumed I was straight), but they quickly went back to normal and we're still quite close. That brings me to another question - does your friend know that you're attracted to girls? If so, the shock might not be as great; if not, maybe you could tell her that first, before saying it's her in particular you're attracted to?

Writing her a note might be a good way to get your feelings across, and also give her time to process it. When I came out, I did it during the holidays, so that people would have a couple of weeks to get over the news by the time I saw any of them. As for what to tell her, be honest, but also be considerate. I would steer clear of words like 'love', as they can be a little scary, so maybe just tell her you like her for now. Make it clear that you don't want this to affect your friendship, and that if she doesn't feel the same way, it's okay. If she feels pressured, she might react badly, so give her as much time and space as she needs. She may not like you back, true, but this way at least you'll know for sure. Sometimes knowing, one way or the other, is much better than being in this state of confusion and agitation.

I hope I helped, and I hope things go well, whatever you decide to do. Take care.