disinterest in men but might not be a lesbian

[ConfusedGirl23]

So I'll try to sum this up as best as I can. I am in a loving relationship with a man who I have been seeing for a year now. I have only been in relationships with men thus far. However, I can't get rid of the feeling that I am either a lesbian or just strongly lean towards women. I find both attractive, but girls a lot more. However, I don't seem particularly interested in sex with either gender. Perhaps because I don't think it is even possible for me to orgasm anyways. This sounds like a simple problem, but there are other factors to consider. I am on ADHD medication, which I have been on since 1st grade. Sometimes I think the medication just prevents me from being interested in sex with him. I have tried going off the meds, but my grades suffered terribly and school is very important to me so going off them at least for the next year is just not an option. Am I uninterested in sex because of the medication? or because I have commitment issues from being a military child or never before being in a good relationship before now? or because I just love the thrill of new experiences? or because I really am lesbian? I don't know what to do

[Chris.]

Ill try to answer this as best as I can, and Im sure others will answer this as well.

I think that since you are in your first relationship that yes, you are very commited to it and you are very attracted to him - thus its hard for you to just get up and leave.

Now I cant tell you if your lesbian or not; only YOU can answer that question. Have you ever done anything with a female? If not, maybe you should explore alittle bit - you will never find out if you dont explore.

As far as the sex thing goes, Im not a doctor and Im not sure if your meds are interfearing with your sex life, I would go and ask a doctor about it (maybe the doctor that gets you the pills). I also want to say that maybe you just arent that horny? Maybe sex isnt interesting to you becuase you simpy just dont want to have sex - some people arent sex animals and only feel like doing it every so often. Dont think that you are abnormal!

Alot of these questions can be answered by a doctor - and as far as the meds things, I would def give him a call - it cant hurt, right?

Best wishes,
Chris

[ConfusedGirl23]

No I haven't tried anything with a female yet. Also I've already talked to my doctor and she said that yes it MAY be interfering with my interest in sex. However, if it is the meds then I don't want to give up a perfectly good relationship and if it isn't the meds then I don't want to be in the relationship, because that just means he will be hurt even more later on. I can't just tell him hey I need to experiment, cause 1. I think it would take awhile finding the right girl and it isn't fair to make him wait 2. if I end up deciding I want to be with him, I feel like he might take me back but be silently resentful of the whole thing until one day he would blow up and we would just fight and break up.

[Chris.]

I think you are thinking way to much into this.

If you feel like this can cause problems in the future, then Talk to him about it. Tell him kinda what you told me in the first post. Tell him that you arent 100% sure about being straight, or bi, or lesbian.

If you cant experiment and you cant talk to your boyfriend about it either, then there really isnt much you can do to 100% resolve this problem. The only other thing I would reccommend is changing medication - and if that didnt work then you are either stuck where you are, or you have to do one of the above I just stated.

If you still cant do any of that, the only othet thing I would say is talk to a counceller or physcoligist and tell them whats going on - they may be able to reccomend much more than I (I have heard about sexuality classes that people sometimes go to).

Sorry if I didnt help much.

Best wishes,
Chris

[Chasers]

Hi there!

I'm a lesbian and I have very litttle interest in sex. But I like being with women. When I get close to me, I get extremely uncomfortable and what to crawl out of my own skin.

Now my girlfriend and I don't see eye to eye on somethings, she likes sex, me? I could live without it. Now there is a term for that.... Asexual. It just simply means that you are not interested in sex and some people aren't. I enjoy it from time to time, but its not something I focus on and make it a point for it to happen once a week, let alone once a month.

Now it if the lesbian issue is bothering you that much, maybe talk to your boyfriend and see if you can start experiment on that end. Sexuality can be confusing and not a fun process by any means, but take your time and don't rush through it and be open with your boyfriend. I'm sure he wants to know and is willing to help you

If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me, I'm always happy to help.

~Chasers

[Iris. ♥]

Hey there!

Like Chase said, being asexual is when you're not interested in sex with either gender. One of my friends defines herself as asexual. The way she describes it, she has no sexual attraction to either gender. She'll still date, but she just doesn't care about the physical aspects of it. That sounds a bit like what you're describing to us.

If you're still confused about your sexuality, talk to your boyfriend about your feelings. Sexuality isn't always the easiest thing to figure out. One of the best ways to work through it is to experiment. Go on dates with girls and see if you're more attracted to them than you are to guys. If you're equally attracted to each, you may be bisexual. It could just be a phase, but it could also be your heart's desire. No matter what you decide, don't stress too much. Focus on what makes you happy.

Take care,
Sammi.

[Jennifer]

I go with the Asexual thing but then again when I was on my medications--either for bipolar or ADHD back in the past I had no sexual attraction for anyone.