I feel lost

[Zemie]

I feel kind of out of place here. I'm a girl myself,but I don't like boys, or girls. I just don't feel that way about people. I'm fifteen, so I guess I might change my mind about it later, but I don't feel like I will. That's really not the problem though. I've always just felt sort of... I don't know how to describe it. I've just never felt like a girl. It's never felt right to think of myself as a 'she' or 'her' When I was little, I used to insist I was a boy, or meant to be one. I've stopped saying things like that out loud, but I can't remember when. In elementary school, all my friends were boys, and when my body started to change I felt like such an outsider. I went to a different middle school than all my friends, and I haven't been able to really make friends with any other boys or girls. I have made like three friends, they're all girls, and one of them is pretty much a tom-boy, so it's not so bad.
I absolutely hate my body. It bothers me almost all day, everyday. I think about it that constantly. It drives me mad. I do dress boy-ish, like in jeans and boys t-shirts, but I still just feel like there's something wrong. I have hair thats down to my shoulders, but I wish it was shorted but my mom won't let me cut it. My grandma is always telling me I should dress more feminine, but it just feels wrong. I don't think anyone knows how I feel, except maybe my cousin, who says he sees me as a boy and not a girl, and that he's never seen me as a girl. That makes me happy that I can be myself like that and people will understand me, even if it's just one person.
I really don't want to tell my parents because I feel like they would be so disappointed in me, and the rest of my family would all just be so disappointed. I don't want to upset anyone, but I just feel really lost and want someone to offer some advice or something.

[Jaguar]

I'm sorry no one picked up on your thread to answer yet. There actually are other people out there with your experience so you're not alone by any means. Maybe you could find a LGBT support group near you or find a counselor with experience in issues like yours and work on feelings of aloneness and differentness.
Remember there's nothing inherently wrong with you and there are plenty of other people like you. You can't change your body but you can learn to live happily with the way you are.

[Chasers]

Hey there,

Feeling this way can be hard, and I know how you feel. I went through something extremely similar.

I am a girl, but I hate my breast, I want them gone and I did some soul searching myself a while back. I tried drag and not only did I love the attention, I loved not having my boobs. I also liked being a different gender. Of course my girlfriend at the time was completely against it. But I didnt feel like I was transgendered either, the thought of a penis was a huge turn off for me.

So then I stumbled apon a word - queer - felt like neither gender and I felt comfortable in that, but not quite it. Then the opposite is dual spirit, both genders and that is how i describe myself today and I hope to remove my breasts at some point.

But as for you, you are still young and I can understand the frustration with your parents and everyone else. I wouldn't come right out and say anything right away if your parents are that against it. I remember when I was your age and I wanted to wear "board shorts" basically guy shorts. My mother was against it and we fought for years. Once I was ready, I moved out and became my own person. I also cut my beautiful brown hair off to a buzz and didn't tell anyone. I have made it clear to my parents that it is my life now and that I make my own decisions.

But I'm 22 now and nothing is really on the line with my parents.

So just find some close friends and open up to them, or maybe even your cousin. Its not going to be an easy road by any means, but if you have any questions or concerns, Im here and will help you as much as I can. I know graduation seems forever away at 15, but you can do it. Just hang in there.

Chase

[darienne(:]

Maybe thats a way of telling you that you should be a guy. That you are trans gender. I mean no offense in any of what i say but just a suggestion because it seems you may see that too. I think your family will acept you the way you are. As long as you are honest to yourself and to your family then they will accept you. It may be hard for them to understand but if you are happier than they should not stop you.

[Kaisada]

I am a neutrois asexual, I have felt out of place all my life. I generally identify as trans and queer to the outside world but I don't necessarily feel a deeper connection to those words. Both are huge umbrella terms that seem to be used mostly to mean any experience that is non-cisgender and non-heterosexual, respectively.

Our families may be disappointed, shocked, angry, or a multitude of other things, or they may not - it's hard to say. A lot of people I met have mentioned that they found the most support in the least expected of places in the least expected of ways, ie. from super conservative families. We wont ever know for sure until we try. And sometimes it can take a long process before we are ready to do so - the more "unconventional" our experiences are, the more difficult it may be. For example, it may be easy for someone with little exposure to gender diversity issues to comprehend "I identify as the opposite sex and I will/am undergoing medical changes to help me live as that sex which I am" than something like "I don't identify as either sex, i wish to be addressed by gender neutral pronouns, I wish to live in the world as ambiguous and androgynous".

But it is absolutely a process and it takes time and energy. You don't have to have everything figured out right now. Just follow your heart and gut to the best of your ability, that's all any of us can do.