Lesbian but...

[DivingCheska]

I am a lesbian with a 1% chance of being with a guy but the thing is I cyber and role play with girls and guys I prefer to do it with girls but I do with guys as well. I don't know because even though I'm a virgin I know I am a lesbian with a 1% chance with guys. Can someone help me make sense of this at all because I honestly can't

[Iris. ♥]

Your sexuality is about what you feel. If you still feel a slight attraction to guys, it is possible that you're bi-sexual. There are many people that identify as bi, but have a specific preference. If you're still not sure what to call yourself, then don't label yourself as anything. Know that you are a person that falls in love with someone for who they are, not what their gender is. Just do what makes you happy, and go out with the people that your heart leads you to. There's no need for a label. Hope this helped!

[DivingCheska]

Sorry it didn't help because I know for a fact I am not bi I am a lesbian just with 1% chaance of being with a guy there is no way I can be bi...I just wanted to know why I cyber and send pics to guys when im not attracted to them

[Soliloquy]

Hey Frankie,

Perhaps it isn't the person's gender that attracts you when cybering but the thought of sex itself. Most people will find themselves aroused watching or reading about sexual acts, regardless of their sexuality or the sexuality of those engaging in the acts. This is why people can be gay and like straight porn, straight and like gay porn, and so on.

To get a better idea of why you might be cybering with guys, try asking yourself why you cyber in the first place. Is it for simple fun? Are you looking for sexual attention from others that you may not be receiving in real life right now? I think that people are often flattered by the thought that someone else finds them attractive regardless of their sexuality. For example, I'm a lesbian, but that doesn't mean I don't feel flattered when guys find me attractive in some way. It's human nature to want to be seen as pretty and attractive by others.

Are you okay with the fact you cyber? I'm sure you already know the risks of sending pictures over the internet, so I won't lecture you on that. But as I would with anyone else, I just want to urge you to be careful, because you never know where those pictures end up! While some people cyber simply because it's fun, I know that others may do so as well because it makes them feel loved or valued in some way. Like I said above, they may be receiving attention they don't get in real life. In which case, sexuality doesn't play much of a role. Naturally, I can't say if this is the case for you; it's just food for thought!

I hope this helps! Take care!

[DivingCheska]

Originally Posted by Soliloquy

Hey Frankie,

Perhaps it isn't the person's gender that attracts you when cybering but the thought of sex itself. Most people will find themselves aroused watching or reading about sexual acts, regardless of their sexuality or the sexuality of those engaging in the acts. This is why people can be gay and like straight porn, straight and like gay porn, and so on.

To get a better idea of why you might be cybering with guys, try asking yourself why you cyber in the first place. Is it for simple fun? Are you looking for sexual attention from others that you may not be receiving in real life right now? I think that people are often flattered by the thought that someone else finds them attractive regardless of their sexuality. For example, I'm a lesbian, but that doesn't mean I don't feel flattered when guys find me attractive in some way. It's human nature to want to be seen as pretty and attractive by others.

Are you okay with the fact you cyber? I'm sure you already know the risks of sending pictures over the internet, so I won't lecture you on that. But as I would with anyone else, I just want to urge you to be careful, because you never know where those pictures end up! While some people cyber simply because it's fun, I know that others may do so as well because it makes them feel loved or valued in some way. Like I said above, they may be receiving attention they don't get in real life. In which case, sexuality doesn't play much of a role. Naturally, I can't say if this is the case for you; it's just food for thought!

I hope this helps! Take care!

I actually hate the fact that I trade nudes and cyber with people over the internet. I hate it sooo much. But I just can't seem to stop. I'm always horny and when ever I am really really depressed I seem to cyber and trade nudes more and more. And have no clue how to stop because I CANNOT talk to my councilor about this at all.

[Skeleton]

If you don't like to do it then stopping would be the best option. I know it's easier said than done but there is other things you can do when you're feeling horny, such as watch porn, masturbate etc. that don't involve cybering or sending pictures of yourself to other people.

You say that whenever you're depressed, you seem to do it more. Do you know why do you that? If you know why you turn to that when you're feeling that way, you could try and find an alternative way of dealing with how you feel at that time and slow try and cut down on the amount you cyber/share pictures.

[Soliloquy]

Originally Posted by DivingCheska

I actually hate the fact that I trade nudes and cyber with people over the internet. I hate it sooo much. But I just can't seem to stop. I'm always horny and when ever I am really really depressed I seem to cyber and trade nudes more and more. And have no clue how to stop because I CANNOT talk to my councilor about this at all.

Why do you think it is that you cyber more when you're depressed? Do you think it's because you need some sort of an outlet for these feelings? That you need to feel valued by another person when you're having trouble seeing the good in yourself? Understanding why you do what you do will go a long way to stopping it in the long-run.

I can understand why you might feel uncomfortable talking to your counselor about your cybering. I'm sure she would never judge you for it, but if you can't bring yourself to talk about, you could use a more indirect approach. You could tell her that sometimes when you're depressed, you look outside yourself for reassurance that you're worth something as a person. (Or whatever your reason is -- this is just an example.) Although you're being vague, you are still focusing on the core emotions that may be driving you to cyber. You might even be able to work your way up to talking about the cybering itself after you get a bit more comfortable. It's important to realize that your counselor has probably seen others with similar types of problems, and that she won't judge you for it.

Like Charlie said, once you identify why you cyber, you can also find alternative ways to cope with these emotions. You may even want to check out our Alternatives thread. Although it's located in our Self-Harm forum, it applies to any sort of addiction or problem that may require a distraction.

Happy holidays!