Telling my family...

[Sammy Germanotta]

Just recently I've been coming to terms with who I am. I'm a FTM transgender and I have already come out to my friends who took it very well, but I'm worried about telling my family. I don't plan on telling them right away, but I wouldn't like to keep it from them for too long. I feel like they have a right to know, I'm just concerned because I'm not exactly certain of their views on this sort of thing. I'm awfully sure that my mom would take it better than my dad just from the sorts of conversations they have had about these kinds of things in the past, but I just wanted to know if anyone had advice on how to go about telling them? We are a Christian family but almost all of my family members are pretty open-minded, so I'm hoping it won't be too difficult letting them know. Like I said, I'm not telling them right away. I want to give my friends and myself some time to become comfortable with this before I do. Sooo...words of advice? Now that I'm done rambling.

[Soliloquy]

Hey Sam!

First off, welcome to TeenHelp! I hope you're finding the site helpful! If you ever need help finding anything, feel free to ask!

Coming out to your family can be tough! I want to say that it's fantastic that your friends are so supportive. Knowing you have them behind you might provide you with at least a little bit of comfort through this. I think it's very mature, too, that you're choosing to wait until you're comfortable with the information yourself; having confidence in who you are will probably set a good example for your family to follow when you come out to them.

It's great that your family members are so open-minded! I know that doesn't necessarily make it any less scary, though. Have you thought of telling your mom first, if you think she might be a bit more understanding than your dad? If you can get her on board, she might be able to help you out when you're explaining it to your dad. Having her on your side might serve as a bit of a relief to you if there's a concern that your dad will have some hard time adjusting. Although I'm not transgender, I came out to my mom as a lesbian first, and then she helped me come out to my dad, who I am not as close with. I found it to be really helpful!

When coming out to either parent, I would stress the point that you're telling them because you love them and want them to know who you truly are. I would give them some information on what it means to be transgender. You can get it from the internet, from books, or even perhaps from your doctor. When I went to my doctor, she gave me all sorts of pamphlets that helped to explain being LGBT to parents. Luckily, mine were accepting from the beginning, but I'd imagine they'd be very helpful in other cases! And if you can get someone like a doctor behind you, they can also help explain your situation to your parents.

I would try to explain to them what being transgender means for you as well. For example, are you looking to see a gender therapist? Start hormones? These may be questions that your parents have once you come out to them, so it might be a good idea to prepare for them. You may want to consider your coming out method, too. Do you want to talk to them face-to-face? Slip them letter? Hand them a letter for them to read while you sit with them? Any of these approaches are fine! It's about what you feel most comfortable with and how you feel you will best express yourself.

And, have patience. I know it's horribly discouraging when people even have slightly negative reactions to news like this, but do your best to educate them and give them time to get used to the news, much like you and your friends are doing right now.

I hope this helps a little bit! Good luck, and keep us posted if you'd like!

[tomjsh]

Well, im gay myself, and all i can say is be sure with yourself and who you are, and be sure you are ready to tell your parents.

I wrote a letter to my parents when I was away for a few days, which for me was the only option I couldnt bring myself to say the words, also it gave my parents time to reflect on the situation and realise it isnt too bad, but coming out is different for everyone.

Also, before you tell them make sure a friend is ready for you to stay for a few days if you and your parents need some space.

Something I did was search through youtube coming out stories, which personally helped me quite a bit as i realised i wasnt alone, but again thats just me

Hope I helped