Non-PG13 (Strong Language): I don't want to love her...

[Ambush_Reality]

I've always been attracted to girls, but I've always thought of myself as bisexual. Up until a few months ago anyway's. I seem to have lost all interest in boy's. Although I still sleep with them. I honestly don't know why as it gives me no pleasure. I've also never been with a girl or even kissed one.

To put it simply... I've been in love with my best friend (who is a girl) for close to two years now. Before she came along I was in love with my other best friend (who is a boy) for around two years as well. My feelings for them kind of overlapped.

So I ended up introducing them at a party and they began to get closer and closer. Fast forward a year and they're kind of "seeing" each other. I'm not fully out yet but my best friend who is a girl knows im bisexual. She also knows how much I loved my other friend. I kinda still pretend to like him to hide the fact it's actually her i love. I think she knows I like her, I sometimes get the feeling she has a thing for me too.

I think I'll always have something with my guy friend but I really love my girl friend. Every time I know they're together, see them kissing at parties or even when they send each other messages on facebook I feel so sad I could be physically sick. I've never EVER experienced a pain like this.

I understand they probably love each other and aren't making it "official" for my sake. But it still hurts a lot. Not going to lie I feel so fucking jealous. I also feel like such a fucking idiot as she knew how much I loved him. It hurt's that she could do this to me. But I understand that sometimes you have to put your own feeling first and I wouldn't want to deprive her of happiness just because I can't find any.

I don't wan't to love her any more. I honestly don't. I literally think about her all the time. I always feel drawn towards her. I always want to talk to her or text her or hug her. I even fucking dream about her! I've never really cried over her but for some reason tonight it all just got too much. I don't want to love her but I'd hate not to love her. If you get me?

Can I just hazz a nice girlfriend please

Alsooooo... I suffer from anxiety and depression I see a psychologist once every fortnight. I think this is probably something I should mention but she doesn't know i'm into girls, I don't want it to be awkward.

blaahh blahh blahh


Sorry about the grammar & spelling. I couldn't be fucked reading over it again + i'm watching Jennifers Body Megan fox would be the perfect gf! someone abduct her and bring her to me! I'd appreciate that more than a reply just kidding. Talk to me bitches...

Smilies are cute.

[Rooni3]

I know this is so cliche to say but don't be in a hurry to label yourself. I was in the same situation as you about a year ago, I fell in love with my best lady friend and I went though weird periods where I liked boys more. Then one where I only liked girls, so I called myself a lesbian. Now, I know I'm not. I'm none of those. Sexuality is very fluid and can change on very many factors. So don't worry, even the feelings you have for this girl can pass, especially now that you're seeing how she is with the boy she know you loved.


Also:
Ha! I love Jennifers Body btw, I wish I was Megan Fox in that movie. She's just SO fab!

[Ambush_Reality]

ahh gad Love is so complicated. I just want these feeling to pass