Triggering (Abuse): I think I'm done with guys

[justme1119]

I've had a bad time with both guys and girls. My relationnship with my first boyfriend it was like he was too controlling and he didn't want to be open about our relationship I think he thought I was too young. Then why the fuck did he even consider dating me if he thought I was too immature he was creepy and the relationship only lasted 6 weeks. Then my second lasted but that was the worst part. He was physically abusive and so controlling and had no regard for my feelings. Last halloween we went to a party with his friends and I was completely drunk and high and he had talked about like his friends having sex with me and I said I didn't want to that I'd never consider it but then I felt like completely taken advantage that day I couldn't trust him or his friends I couldn't get intoxicated around them. They'd just take advantage of the situation. Which is why I recently found I got my first std. Anyway I had other short relationships always end up worse off then before deep depression cutting lower self worth I just feel like though I find them attractive everytime I get with one it goes terribly wrong. With girls I've actually had exes who are friends. I don't always end up with it bad. It lasted long with my ex-gf and I regret breaking up with her even now. I feel like if I'd have not been an idiot I'd probably be a lot better off right now. I feel like guys just leave me single and having more ossues than I had before not to mention when I'm with a girl dating her I don't really want to be with a guy I don't miss it like I do when I'm with a guy. I feel like it's not meant to be. Like maybe I'm meant to be alone. Idk. With girls I've good and bad experiences. I've only had one real gf and she was great. The relationship was long time ago back when I had just come here anyway it's my longest lasting relationship and at the end of it it wasn't so destructive. After that I had two other gfs which were very short term like 3 mo. Or 2 weeks. And one of them I'm still actually friends with neither have actually caused so much trouble emotionally or physically. Only bad experience was a one night stand. But none of my relationships with them were all that bad.... I feel like it's just easier and more natural to be in a serious relationship with a girl and it's less trouble. Why the fuck is it so hard for me to be in arelationship with a guy? wis it something wrong I'm doing??

[Rise]

Hi There.

Don't every thing that you're doing wrong if relationships go awful. It seems that the guys that you have dated in the past have choose to hurt you and take advantage of you solely because of there own thinking, you have done nothing wrong. Although I hate to say it, there are a few guys out there that just ruin it for us. They do seem like jerks and seem to find pleasure in disrupting honest lives like yours.

If girls seems to provide more satisfaction and luck, never feel its wrong to be dating girls. I would like to honestly say though; don't give up on guys because the guys in your past have decided to hurt you; possibly if we change our standards on a guy we can find the "Perfect" partner. You also seem to be 14 hun, you have so much more time to find him/her; everyone now feels so pressure to get a partner even with they are so young and as a result they tend to rush to find one. Often times this can end in dire consequences.

I personally would say to try take it easy a bit, focus on your education and your career goals, dating and relationship should all come natural.

Good Luck!

[Soliloquy]

Hey there,

Relationships can be really tricky. Both straight and gay ones have their ups and downs, and neither necessarily guarantees you more heartache or happiness right off the bat. I'm sorry to hear, however, that you've been having such a hard time with guys. Like Rylan says, there are some guys out there that really see to ruin the fun for the rest. I think the way you've been treated by these boys more comes down to their own character rather than the nature of their sex. There are guys out there who love and treat their girlfriends right. Just as there are girls who treat their partners poorly.

Before you decide you've given up on boys, I think you should ask yourself if it's because you truly have a stronger emotional connection with girls, or if it's because you're more wary of guys now due to your past experience. As I alluded to earlier, relationships are seldom easy in the sense that couples will always have their ups and downs. Good and bad times. But, there certainly is a distinction between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one. It sounds like in that department, you've had better luck with girls. That doesn't mean, though, that it's impossible to find a good guy who treats you well.

Maybe you want to take a little breather and step back from the dating scene for a while. I think that relationships are often especially complicated at 14, given that they're new, shiny concepts. Sometimes (and I'm not saying this is true of you), people at your age will jump into relationships without considering the possible consequences, and this leads to all sorts of drama. You mentioned that you feel taken advantage of and are also depressed and have an STD as a result of your past experience. Have you spoken to an adult about this?

I think that before you consider getting into another relationship, it might be beneficial to explore these issues a little more. You also said that you have lower self-worth. Do you think this could possibly be contributing to why you have a tendency to get into relationships with more abusive guys? Because you feel like you deserve to be taken advantage of? I certainly can't say if this is true or not; only you know how you feel. But I do think that maybe it would be helpful to take a look at these feelings with a help of someone you trust. Take a look at our Who Can Help Me? thread. You may be able to get some ideas of who you can approach with this from there.

The important thing to remember is that you're not meant to be alone, nor are you doing anything wrong to deserve this kind of treatment. It sounds like you're going through a very rough time right now, and we're here to support you through it.

Hang in there! If there's anything else we can do, don't hesitate to let us know!

[justme1119]

I am 14 and I've been dating since I was 11. I don't exactly look my age. I easily can say I'm 2 to 3 years older. So yea I dated early plus I have precocious puberty I believe.

I know the type guy I like is I think is more the bad guy type maybe because I'm not exactly all that innocent myself. I just don't want to be total enemies with someone I'm in a relationship with. I find that with guys. My exgfs were more romantic and emotionally clicked better I miss that. Also about the std and feeling taken advantage of well I've talked about the whole std issue. Just not the thing with his friends. It's nothing I really want to share with anyone. It's my private sex life. Thanks for the link I sure will look it over.