gender identity and actually?

[girlfromsocal]

I don't know. Well I'm a bit of both sexes. So I don't know if that's the reason but I don't like feel any way. I'm more so happy to be tiny and pretty. But I like to sing but I actually wish I sang like my favorite band instead of like Taylor Swift. I never was as a kid anything but a tomboy. My feminine side didn't come until I was 14 I told my mom I was a boy at 12 like I wished I were. Now I guess I learned to love my femme side. But I don't really feel that identity as female just accepting it. Like I can be all delicate and pretty and I can be rough and tumble tomboy type. I can express but I don't feel anything for being female if anything I just feel insecure. I was so to speak 'castrated' at birth. I have cah. I'm female completely now and can have kids. So yea but it doesn't change how I for me how I see things. In a way I'm neutral. I don't know what gender that makes me I just don't identify as anything really. Is that normal?

[Colored Shadows]

Hey there,

I'm not entirely sure what you mean when you say that you were "castrated at birth." Do you mean that the doctors began to treat your CAH? Where you have a condition that can cause girls to become more masculine due to excess androgens, it sounds as though your confusion is quite justified. When you're born with certain masculine qualities, it can be very hard to distinguish whether you were truly meant to be a girl or whether you feel you're actually a boy.

To answer your question, yes, identifying with no gender is normal. Here are some terms from our LGBT dictionary that may help you out:

Androgynous – A term used to describe an individual whose appearance is not immediately indicative of their gender identity or biological sex—that is, a person who, at first glance, cannot be determined to be male or female. Androgynous is also a self-identity, for an individual who does not identify as male or female, or identifies as both.

Bigender – A gender identity which includes people who do not identify as male or female, but as both.

Gender-fluid - Someone whose gender identity fluctuates continuously over time. The person may identify as male one day, androgynous the next, female another day, and so forth. Gender-fluid may or may not be embraced as a gender identity in and of itself.

Gender neutral – A gender identity used to describe a person who does not identify with any gender, male, female, or otherwise.

Gender non-conforming – A phrase used to describe all individuals who do not conform to social expectations of gender—that is, a male-bodied person with “feminine” tendencies, or a female-bodied person with “masculine” tendencies. A gender non-conforming person is not always trans identified, or queer in any sense.

Genderqueer – A trans identity, often considered an umbrella term, used by individuals who do not identity as male or female, but as a “third” or “other” gender, as both, a mix of genders, or no gender.

Neutrois - Someone who identifies as neither male or female and seek to lose the physical characteristics that cause them to be seen as male or female.

As you can see, there are many different terms that describe what you might be feeling. Society often sees the world as being black or white: We have all the time in the world or none at all. We are rich or we are poor. We are male or we are female. But as I'm sure you know, the world is composed of many shades of gray -- as is gender. I would almost say that no one is purely "male" or "female." I identify as a girl, but I do have certain masculine qualities. It doesn't make me want to change my gender, but it does go against many of the stereotypes and expectations society places on girls. Some people go one step further and feel that they do not identify with either gender -- and that is okay! It is perfectly normal.

It would also be normal if you wanted to identify as female and possess some masculine qualities or male and possess some feminine qualities. Like I said before, your mannerisms don't define your gender. Your gender is what you feel emotionally. If you want to be male and still have some feminine days, that's okay! Same goes if you want to identify as female. I know that I'm a girl and I have some masculine days where I just don't want to do anything girly! It's okay to act both ways, regardless of your gender.

I hope this helps a bit! Take care!

[girlfromsocal]

I was both anatomically both but it was removed. So that's why I said castrated. I don't feel either way. I just feel like a person. Sometimes not comfortable as female really but am femme still.

[doingthegreatnorthernrun]

I know this is kinda late. I'm genderqueer, I've found there is a great tumblr and youtube community.

genderqueer.tumblr.com (can I link here?) is really helpful.

[Colored Shadows]

Hey again,

It's okay to not feel either way. I think a good step in figuring out who you are and what you want would be to listen to yourself. You said there are some days where you act female even though you aren't comfortable with it. Why is that? Is it because you feel it's what people expect of you? Maybe you want to start off by seeing how you feel day by day and acting accordingly. If you have a day when you don't feel like being too girly, well, that's fine! You don't have to be. You can act more "masculine" that day. If you have a day you feel feminine, that's great too! You can act more "feminine" that day. It doesn't matter what others think as long as you are happy with the way you choose to portray yourself.

You're right. You're a person. We're all just people, really, regardless of what gender we identify as. And no matter how you choose to identify as personally in the years to come does not have to change who you are. You are you. Maybe you are anatomically female right now, but that doesn't have to be what defines you or your gender. Listen to how you're feeling and take it a day at a time. You may find that it gets easier to put a finger on what you're feeling as time goes by. Remember, there's no rush to identify as anything, or to not identify as anything. Take it as your own pace.

Best of luck!