Triggering: Love fucking sucks and is confusing as hell

[DivingCheska]

I am in love with my old foster sister and have been for awhile even though we have a on again off again relationship. She said that she was bi and when she was living with us she did sexual things to me three times with out me saying yes but the third time it was like I wasn't me and I wasn't in my head and I let it happen and did things to her. Anyways for the next couple of months it was like I wasn't me and we screwed around. She told me that she liked me more than a friend and if she wasn't in a relationship she would date me and I told her I liked her more than a friend too. Anyways after she got kicked out of my house we stopped talking for a while because I had to figure out what happened between us but I still haven't. Anyways when I did start talking to her again she said she was sorry about the sexual thing she did to me and if she knew i never did anything with anyone before she never would have done it. Because she was basically my first kiss besides a very quick gross one with a guy. Anyways she always comes to me for help when she is depressed or wants to kill herself and she comes to me when her and her boyfriend break up and they do that a lot. Anyways this time when she did I was saying everything I could to help her and I felt so bad for her because I fucking love her. Anyways I told her i'd do anything for her and that i like her more than a friend and she said she knows and she is grateful for me. Even though she says that she is straight and when we screwed around she was just horny and basically would do anyone but she isn't into girls. I really thought I might have a chance this time when she broke up with her bf but just found out yesterday they got back together it just hurts so much. I don't know why I had to fall in love with her and why I want her so damn bad. She said she would help me find a girlfriend but I want her to want me!!!!

[George^^]

Ouch. I'm sorry. In my opinion (sorry), but she's the one in fault. She did things and then claimed that she was straight (pretty sure girls like that are called barsexuals- girls that will do something with a girl just for the fun of it and the attraction of guys it gets.)

<3 I think that maybe you should forget about it and move on. I know it hurts to move on from someone you like in that way, but it's best for you, emotion wise. And if she changes her mind, then your the luckiest girl ever. basically the ball is in your court, you can wait around for her, or you could tell her no and just keep it at friends.

[DivingCheska]

Does anyone have any advice for me because I honestly just feel like shit.

[Christian_girl_4ever]

wow, i'm really sorry that happened to you. I don't know what to say except maybe it's a sign that you deserve better?

[DivingCheska]

Originally Posted by Christian_girl_4ever

wow, i'm really sorry that happened to you. I don't know what to say except maybe it's a sign that you deserve better?

it's okay anyone else?

[stefanie_m]

I would say that you could've experienced some type of sexual abuse. It could confuse you, since you didn't say yes the first two times, and now you believe you love her. You are attached to her because of the sexual contact, but you may not love her. My friend was in a similar situation when he was younger, and it confused him. It was his adopted cousin.
I honestly have no idea what to say, other than maybe write everything down. Write down what happened, how you felt, how you feel now, and then burn it. Sometimes doing something like that helps give you the release you need. It might not work, but it's worth a shot.