I don't know what to think or do

[Whisperingwillow]

(Apparently this is going to be long, it wasn't supposed to be that way) I don't know how to word this to fit almost exactly what I feel, so it's a little "messy".

I don't know what to think or do. As the title says. I have a boyfriend and I've been with him for nearly two and a half months. "technically" nearly two. I really like him, I've known him for a couple years and have liked him for just as long. But I feel like the only thing I feel for him is physical. He occassionally gives me that warm tingly feeling, but only when I'm with him.

On the other hand, I've known this girl for about as long. And I got a crush on her a year after meeting her. A big crush. She makes me feel incredible. Whenever I'm having a bad day I look for a hug from her or an encouraging word and I immediately feel better. I've told her before that I have a crush on her. She's turned me down. She says she isn't bi or gay. Yet, many of her friends and I have wondered. We've only ever really seen her flirt with girls... that's all besides the point.

I just don't know what to do. My BF knows that I'm bi and he says that he'll wait for me and be with me forever (as long as forever is when you're young) even if he doesn't fulfill all of my needs. He says he'll always be there for me even if I need a girl to fulfill me and the way he said it (I don't have the exact words anymore) made it sound like he didn't mean as just a friend. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him. And I don't want to break up with him just to find out that it was a stupid thing to do.

Some friends have told me to live in the now, go with the flow and not worry about it. I want to do that, but I keep questioning it.

[.Heartfelt.Guardian.]

Hey there Erin
It is okay for things to be messy when trying to explain things, I know sometimes opening up and explaining things can be kind of hard and it can be all over the place.
from you first little um thing there, it is telling me * remember this is just what comes up in my head while reading this, I don't mean to offend you or anyone else * that maybe you like him only for a physical reasons, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I know two months is not very long to know if they are the person you want to be with forever or anything, but the person you want to spend your whole like with you would want the tingly feeling always either with him or just talking to him.

Well, if he is saying that he would be okay with you having him and a girl in your life, it seems to me that he doesn't care as much as most guys would, most guys don't like sharing there girlfriend with anyone, which leads me to think that it wont work out, * again just my thinking process*
I understand you do not want to hurt him, or break up with him and learn to find out that it was a stupid idea.

I think you need to think about all of this more, I agree with your friends in the live in the now and go with the flow, but you also need to follow your heart, if you keep questioning to go with the flow maybe that is not what you should be doing.


I'm sorry if I offended you, or made you mad by this. I am here if you want to talk about it, I'd love to try and help you through all of this.

Take care and I hope you figure things out and be happy and find that person that makes you feel that special feeling love is.

[Whisperingwillow]

Thank you Kayla, I guess I'll probably think on things for a while longer. God knows my life is about to get a heck of a lot more stressful in the next two months. I think, I'll probably keep looking at the advice/thoughts I get here and keep thinking about this and figuring things out and "go with the flow", and then go from there. When/if I can figure anything out.

[Jaguar]

As a guy with a bisexual fiancee, I know where he is coming from. He loves you for who you are and won't try to change you into somebody you're not. I think you should take him at his word and check out this other girl and see what your feelings really are. It's going to be scary approaching her but it seems like you have someone to support you if you get shot down. I hope he's as good as he sounds.

[Singer180]

Tough situation indeed. I'm no expert, but maybe it might be worth a shot to try and take a break from this guy for a while. I've found that often times in life, when we don't have something is when we realize how much we actually want/need it. It is a risk, however, so I guess you'd have to decide if that's a risk you'd want to take.

[Colored Shadows]

Hey Erin,

I'm going to offer some insight that's a little bit different from what the other posters have said. I think it's marvelous that your boyfriend is supporting you like this while you're figuring out what you need in a relationship to feel fulfilled. It's always wonderful to have someone who loves you so much and who is so supportive. I would be careful when it comes to this particular girl, however. You said you've told her about your feelings before and she's turned you down.

First of all, way to go for being so open!! A lot of people aren't able to do that, especially when their crush happens to be a girl. But the fact that she's turned you down before and expressed disinterest might be something you want to consider. She may very well be straight; girls tend to be extremely affectionate and "flirty" with each other in general, so this apparent flirting could simply be her being a girl. Or, she could very well be questioning her sexuality. She may be bi or gay, but is not ready to accept it yet.

If she says she is not bi or gay, I would recommend taking her at her word for now. Even if you really have a hunch that she isn't straight, some people need time to figure it all out before they're ready to tell others. I wouldn't pressure her to come out right now, as everybody comes out at their own pace. She has told you that she's not interested in a relationship at the moment, which I think you should respect. Coming on too strong could force her deeper into the closet if she is indeed bi or gay, or it could simply offend her because she may feel like you're not respecting her wishes.

In addition, you may find that if it doesn't work out with her, that you put a lot of undue stress on yourself and your boyfriend. I think you should ask yourself if you want to pursue this girl with the possibility of being turned down again or being disappointed. Is it only this girl you'd be interested in experimenting with, or is it girls in general? These are all things to consider.

I hope this helps! Best of luck!!

[Whisperingwillow]

I did break up with him, but not because of the girl. I am definitely not going to pursue her unless something changes. I've been trying to respect her wishes and have never told her my doubts and I don't plan to. Thanks for all of the advice everybody.

[Celestial.]

Since the original question has been answered and the OP seems satisfied with the responses, I'm going to close this thread. Erin, PM me if you want it reopened, or you can always start a new thread.